Heart Break

From the Community…

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  Posted by Tara Tue Nov 17, 2009 10:19am PST

  Hello Lady. I actual saw you posted a comment on the question "How much do you tell your friends about you sex life?" Then I read your Blog about your divorce. As for you divorce be strong. I was curious to know about what you meant when you posted that comment. Do you think that people are perverts if they tell their friends?

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  Posted by BryanB Tue Nov 17, 2009 11:56am PST

  hey how are you this is sad and i hope you are doing ok it sounds like when it goes bad it gets worse an i right any way good luck and take care of your slf first or you will not be able to take care of any one good luck and hope we can chat

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  Posted by LindaH Tue Nov 17, 2009 2:44pm PST

  Gina,

  This is too much for anyone to bear. You are very tough and are handling it quite well.

  I feel for you so much.

  My heart goes out to you.I don't go to church or anything, but sometimes when i'm feeling down, i just go down on my knees and let it all out. He listens Gina, or i wouldn't be telling you this.

  I feel like crying right now. This is very sad.

  Hang in there...it will all be over soon.

  Take care of yourself and be the best you can be for these lovely kids you have.

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  Posted by Gina Wed Nov 18, 2009 5:14am PST

  Thanks guys, Its rough but its for the best, keep telling myself to keep my head up.

  Tara its a tough subject for me and I was just a lil angry and still am a lil bitter over my husband, they are so frank about what they discuss it really bothers me, and my husband didnt care if it embarassed me or not, im far from a prude, but I think that if you dont feel comfortable with people knowing about that part of your life you shouldnt be forced too, it was a bad post from me and I used my bad experience to reply, I just wish people would refrain from that kind of discussion around people who are obviously bothered by it. Most dont that I see.

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  Posted by elizabeth Sat Nov 21, 2009 10:30pm PST

  Your experiences sound just like mine, I know it is very difficult....but I applaud you for having the strength and the will power to serve him with the divorce papers. This is what I lack..I'm not brave enough to to that. I have been married for 12yrs, I love him with all my soul..and that was the problem. He took advantage of my love & I dedicated my self to serve him. I am not blaming him, I have much to blame as much as he does. My mistake was to love my husband and my kids so much...That I forgot to love myself. I always took care of my self, but could of done much..much better. He fell out of love and our relationship was if we were room mates. As his wife, I agreed to let him go out on the weekends...because I did not want our marriage to become a routine..& him to get bored of me. I can honestly say..that we weren't sexually physical for more than a year..If I ever approached him..he would get upset. I tried several new things that I have not done before to please him..but he would tell me..what was I thinking..that it was immoral. Honestly... this man was my everything. When I am with someone..I truly dedicate myself in heart and soul to them, why live a lie..when there's no need to? We decided to go our separate ways.. but still live under the same roof for the sake of our kids. When we were finally moving out..we decided to give it another try... and we let our partners know & broke everything off with them...10yrs...was it worth

  it?? I had to. I gave give my all..I even disconected my cell & stopped talking to friends...But he lied to me and continue to having her as a friend. Before you know it..I put a recorder in my truck.& he was caught the 1st day..with her,,having sex. I flipped out...actually..went crazy.. I am taking meds now...but we are under the same roof still. He has no family and the my family..love him. his mom just past away a few months ago..& i did not want to serve him with the divorce papers. It's difficult. I am sad, depressed ..emotionally unstable...and I want out of this. I dont love him. If I continue like this I will end up hating him. I need a motivation...something that will help me take that step. I actually have someone that I am interested in..chatted with him for 2 yrs or so..but not that often.. until now. he is a wonderful person, but I dont want him to be the reason I take this step. I dont want him to be an excuse..because I want him to be more than that.. Help me.. understand.. or tell me something to convince me...That I am able to do this..without feeling guilty. I really need this...or I feel I will get worse. Please....

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  Posted by Gina Tue Nov 24, 2009 7:07am PST

  Doesn't sound like your ready for a new relationship yet, but having someone who is a good friends may be able to help you feel better, same here, I am not ready for anyone and I have begun to hate him for how he has made me feel, I dont want hate in my heart too, seems we need to somehow find our peace. I know I need to be able to trust in people again before I can move on, Im so sorry you are going through such a hard time too, Some days I dont know if I should cry or be happy, BUt dont dare feel guilty about moving on you did your best, move on be happy thats what im trying to do.

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  Posted by CHRISTINE Tue Dec 1, 2009 5:08am PST

  This is for Elizabeth and all the women out there,,,,,I left my Ex husband after 24 yrs of marriage. At year 16 I told him I wanted a divorice> he talked me out of it with words adn promises that he wanted to work on our marriage. He led me to believe that was what he wanted. welll all these years later and more than 65 lbs heavier. I finally went to a councellor and found out w/in myself that it would never work. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!! TAKE YOUR LIFE BACK!!! TAKE YOUR POWER BACK!!!! YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!!.

  My ex slowly over all time took my self respect and self worth away from me and I let him control me> it was a little bit at a time so I didn't see it. he isolated me from everyone. and sabotaged my schooling.

  I left, lost 65 lbs and many tears later am myself well mostly myself again. its still a work in progress.

  Dont' feel guilty>>>>>it is time for you to save yourself.

  ONE thing i can tell you you that i just figured out you probably wont ever completely understand is WHY....... my ex cheated on me (i foungd out after the divorice) that he cheated for almost 15years. the only answer is he did it because he could. and no matter what you ever did he would have done it anyway. so dont blame yourself THE BLAME IS ON HIM!!!!!

  Just stay strong and take your life back. Dont spend any more time on regrets. YOU DESERVE BETTER.

  lean on family& friends.

  ask your higher power (GOD) to give you the strenth and to have him send people into your life to help you thru it. It sounds crazy but it works.

  YOU ARE A SURVIVOR! We women who are built w great internal strenth are strong. Of course you will feel pain, sorrow and loss for the relationship but rejoice in yourself. for you are loved. and worthy of LOVE!!

  I hope this helps.

  TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES and know there are people out there that care.

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  Posted by Gina Tue Dec 1, 2009 11:38am PST

  Thanks Christine Its good to hear that life goes on!

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  Posted by Gina Sun Dec 6, 2009 6:07am PST

  Well he sure showed his true colors, he handed me a response to my divorce papers the day before court, He asked for sole custody and wanted an everyother week visitation. Nice try, what a turd, Im am definately not an unfit mother, my children are my most important part of my life, but I get him every aft til he's ready for bed and weds night I keep him overnight and bring him home thursday night. then I get him friday afternoon til sunday evening, every week. So I get to see my little guy everyday thank goodness. and I get to have him Xmas day. all my friends prayers certainly helped!

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  Posted by Mrs. Carol B Mon Dec 7, 2009 10:55am PST

  Hi Gina,

  I divorced my ex after 22+ yrs.. I took a lot of verbal and emotional abuse but he wasn't going to cheat on me and throw it in my face no less. That was the last straw. I too, thought marriage was for life. When I started to feel like I needed to end "his" it was time to kick his ass to the curb. I wasn't going to jail for any man. You will never get over him but you "will" move on with your life. Don't try to find another man; rather let your light shine and the right one will be "attracted" to YOU. Don't compromise yourself for a new man. If he can't respect your strenths and accept your weaknesses; then you don't need that one. I have a new husband, today is our 13th anniversary. If you ever want to know the story of how we met stop by my place and let me know; otherwise, just know it's a true love story and yes, you can have love again in your life. I would have walked over hot coals for the first guy but realize now all I would have gotten for it was burned feet. This guy would carry me as he walked over the hot coals. Some difference. Men are NOT all the same. Don't ever let anyone tell you they are. I reccommend a book titled "Secrets About Men Every Woman Should Know" by Barbara DeAngelis PhD. Great resource. I read it after I split with the ex and don't regret it. Wishing you a wonderful Christmas. God bless you and yours.

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