Getty Images
Alice recently blogged about finding an ex on Facebook. And boy, oh boy, are my exes finding me on Facebook. Basically, I signed up for the site to view my friend's photos (she lives on the other side of the world and I like to see videos and photos of her totally adorable kid). So I begrudgingly sign up and the next thing you know, people from all walks of my life, from hidden nooks and crannies of the world, have found me. They want to chat. They want to "friend" me. While that all sounds exciting-and for many of them, I was and am excited to hear from friends that fell off the grid for a while. But what do you do when a former lover-or worse...an unrequited love-tries to Facebook friend you? Less of a problem for single gals. Big problem for us married gals.
These guys who I have long forgotten: My first "real" kiss (and really, the only thing real about it was that it was really gross); A darling boy from my senior year art class who told me he was in love with me before I left for college, handed me a love letter on my parents' front porch, gave me a quick peck and ran away, never to be heard from again (until now!); The guy, who in 7th grade, was the hottest skateboarder, and who I always had a crush on, but never did anything about; the guy who took me on a date in college, but I didn't know it was a date and said so and that ruined our friendship. Oh and my college love-Mike, who I adored and still feel a twinge of heartbreak when I think of him.
All these and more-these Ghosts of Christmas Past-have come back to haunt me. And they do haunt me...after my initial message or friending with them, in my head, I relive the rejection, the exhilaration, the heartbreak, the what-ifs of my life. Some of them are happy, sweet memories, while others open up wounds that have since healed over. I feel guilty for having thought about all this, replaying these moments, indulging in nostalgia and fantasy, being married and all. And I feel sad when I see through their profiles that these guys are married, too. Then I wonder, "WTF are you Facebook friending me if you're married?"
Why are these people torturing me?! I've moved on with my life. I'm happy with Dan and my grown-up life. It's fun to see what these guys are up to, but really, I don't need to be sucked back into the craziness of my teenage and college romances.
Plus, the whole thing seems so unnatural to me...encountering people that you should never really meet again. It seems like we're messing with fate. In another era, I would never come across these people-and I could leave all those past feelings buried deep in my memories. Further, all these married people contacting other married people who they used to have feelings for feels like everyone is playing with fire. What do you think? Am I over thinking the whole thing?
Posted by Jane
Redbook
* Take Your Sex Life to the Next Level
* Marriage Makeover -- Our Renovation Is Ruining Our Marriage
* 21 Little Sex Moves That Will Rock Your World
* Don't-Tell-the-Wife Secrets All Men Keep
* Get More on Love, Family & Fashion - Subscribe to Redbook & Save up to 82%!
Reprinted with Permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.
