I'm in a wonderful relationship with a really great guy. We get
agree on most things and we speak openly about everything.
Sometimes we argue over stuff ... generally over things that I
perceive as problematic.
I'll admit - I'm a worrier. I'm insecure. I'm needy
and emotionally high maintenance. However, I'm not so very
detached from the whole materialistic form of being high
maintenance (meaning I don't even think about getting
gifts/money/etc). As long as I'm being emotionally
fulfilled, I don't even think about getting flowers or anything
like that. I guess that's a good thing, considering money is
tight for most people right now.
Anyhow, he's younger than I am by sex years. He's a really
kind person who comes from a rather broken background. I came from
a good family but have been in several really damaging
relationships in the past that have left me apprehensive and
reserved in many ways. It's becoming a problem for both of us
to get past these lingering issues from people (weather family or
partners) that affect the way we react to each other, etc. Also,
despite our open communication, sometimes we'll totally
misunderstand what the other person's intentions were behind
what they said.
I'm very analytical and thorough when it comes to how I
interpret what he says/does/etc, and it irks him. I worry that the
smallest thing will ruin things between us and I'm likely to
ask him about what he meant by something he said or panic and
assume somethings wrong. I'm always in fear of abandonment and
being cheated on (which makes me sooo jealous) despite the fact
that he's very committed and faithful. I'm worried that
I'll become boring and the "in love" feelings between
us will fade and become old.
So my question is this: How do I Nurture my relationship and help
it to grow instead of "torturing" it to the point where
it becomes stagnant and full of resentment and irritation and
ultimately ends? I want to continue to feel these happy feelings
for him and for him to feel them for me... I don't want them to
fade and I don't want to be without him.
I know change happens always, but I don't want it to be for the
worse.
How can I "Nurture" my relationship?
user
- Let’s talk: Comment (44) | Blog
- Email to a Friend
- Print this Page
Syndication:
From the Community…
-
Posted by Wed Jan 14, 2009 4:55pm PST
Report AbuseOh my! I am in this same boat and I am eager to hear the response!
-
Posted by Wed Jan 14, 2009 6:15pm PST
Report AbuseYou go get some therapy and work through your personal issues so you can understand why you react to him in such a way, and stop before you damage the relationship. If he is a kind, caring partner who loves you, he will support and work with you on this. While you may have had bad relationships in the past, more than likely these behaviors and feelings of anxiety and mistrust stem from way before you ever started dating. Therapy is not for crazy people, but for people who recognize their behaviors/feelings etc are not healthy. Therapy can help you change your mindset as well as your emotional reactions. Good luck. (P.S. A little couch time could probably benefit him as well!)
-
Posted by Wed Jan 14, 2009 6:57pm PST
Report AbuseOkay, first of all relax! Take a deep breathe, you're in love right! Okay, the hard part is over. You know what you want and he wants you, right? If you're already committed to each other, then just let it happen! Sometimes we have to wait on love, but for you it has already arrived, so enjoy it! The past is the past and let those old relationships be a learning lesson on what not to do. You already know how to fail at a relationship, so now you have the chance with someone great, to get it right. You have been given another chance at love, so embrace it, you're lucky! So go with it and don't question it! Just allow yourself to be loved!! And he will love you even more, just be yourself! Be the wonderful YOU, you can be and don't worry so much, if this love is true it will all work out. Sometime, we girls make up things to worry about in order to not be BORED, this is a huge mistake!! Because men don't like to worry, they want to be loved, cared for and secure. Think of his mother and the kind of relationship he has with her. If it's great then follow her example, if not then be the opposite. Love takes work and anyone who saying differently has never been in love. If he is great and if you think he could be the one, then you have to work it out before you screw it up! All of us ladies make this mistake, men are simple, they want what WE want, only they don't always know how to ask for it or they're afraid to ask for it. Please just be the loving women you can be towards him and when asking for your needs to be meet, be caring in a respectful way. And he will try to meet your needs and if he doesn't, then he doesn't really love you. Or he doesn't know how to love anyone. Either way at least you have done the right thing by You. So good luck, may you work it out and hopefully you will share that special love that we All dream of. My best wishes to you, go get that love that You deserve! The love that we all deserve!
-
Posted by Wed Jan 14, 2009 8:41pm PST
Report Abuselearn to listen without interruption he will tell all.enjoy love right now.
-
Posted by Wed Jan 14, 2009 9:19pm PST
Report AbuseIf you pick at the possible wrongs , it will get infected.
-
Posted by Wed Jan 14, 2009 10:11pm PST
Report Abusehon... i hate to have to b the 1 to break it to u..... but if u have to work the realizationship... ur gonna resent him in time cuz it'll seem like a job.... ive been married almost 15 years, and its more about compromize and being able to b honest with each other. dont work it... let it happen... and when it does, then u know its for real!!!!!!!! marriage isnt a job..... its a life long promise!!!!! i wish u luck and happiness!!!!!
-
Posted by Thu Jan 15, 2009 1:33am PST
Report Abusehey dear,,i can say that you are really in love...theirs nothing wrong with that,thats good but u have to be with your self let things happens just go on with the flow..while u are in a relationship don't you ever forget to love yourself as well thats important.i guess u understand what i am saying.
-
Posted by Thu Jan 15, 2009 4:54am PST
Report Abuseit seems to be ups n down in any relationship but then again...we should cherish n appreciate anything that happen.ovbiously..things happen for a good reason....
-
Posted by Thu Jan 15, 2009 5:39am PST
Report Abuseyou can nuture your relationship firs by being true to yourself and love him wiTh no hidden AGENDAS AND EVERY NOW AND AGAIN LET HIM FEEL APPRECIATED AND WANTED AND BE LOVING TOWARDS YOURSELF AND SURELY HE WILL BE ABLE TO FEEL THAT TOO.
-
Posted by Thu Jan 15, 2009 6:19am PST
Report Abusei used to feel like you! the best thing you can do is talk about it honestly. that's what me and my boyfriend did. he was wondering why i was so closed off and cold sometimes, and i explained the situation that ocured with me and my ex. he was actually very understanding and he never once said something like "i don't want to hear about your exes." granted, i do feel a little guilty, because i haven't heard a single word about his exes, not even their names. he may as well not even have had past relationships. but still, it is better to talk. chemistry means alot, and if he is kind and understanding it will be okay.
leave your comment
You must sign in to post a comment