Love + Sex

Good afternoon young lads and welcome to another edition of How (not) to Get Laid.  Today's edition is in honor of the oncoming 4th of July festivities this weekend.  I first want to answer a question from bigtokyo about what advice I can give to a young thundercat.  Well, for one, don't refer to yourself as a thundercat.  What do you want the ladies to think you are, a washed-up cartoon?  This isn't the Cartoon Network, this is the grandest reality show you'll ever experience, this is Life.  But speaking of washed-up cartoons, you were reading my mind because this afternoon's post pertains to just that.  A washed-up cartoon and the oncoming holiday weekend.


Fourth of July.  Quite possibly my favorite holiday next to Halloween and Thanksgiving.  The weather is hot, Hot Girls of the U.S. are wearing next to nothing to tempt anything around them, and stuff is getting blown up everywhere.  Fireworks!  Or in lay man's terms, sheer pyrotechnics crashing in the sky any night of the week are taking place this time of the year.  And I don't know about my faithful readers, but there is nothing that get my senses going before a night of (not) getting laid than the smell of a blown-up mortar on the beach.

Which brings us to How (not) to Get Laid #7, acting like Beavis from 'Beavis and Butthead' in anticipation for fireworks.

Now some of you may be too young to remember Beavis and Butthead.  It was a show on MTV in the early nineties about two boneheads who loved to eat junkfood, watch music videos, and (not) get laid.  But while pop culture may bury what is 'hot' and what is 'not,'  the actions of these two characters will eternally guarantee one thing, if you copy the antics of these buffoons, you will (not) get laid.

So where does Beavis come into the mix.  Well, it's 4th of July, and the fireworks are ready to go off, the Hot Girls are wearing their shortest shorts and their sweetest lipstick.  Everything seems to be ready to go off.  Magic can only be in the air tonight.  But wait, what 's that I hear, is that someone screeching the phrase, "Fire, he-he, fire, yeah, cool, blow stuff up."  Now, if it is a young father trying to get in tune with his kids, I'll give him a pass.  But wait, it's not a father, it's a young lad amidst a group of sweet and tantalizing young vixens.  And not only is he yelling "Fire," but he won't ----- up, and he's prancing around with his shirt over his head.  All to the amusement of his own sexually inexperienced head, and much to the chagrin of any young lady within driving distance of his tomfoolery.

Funny, you're thinking.  Maybe to the Alpha Males in the distance who are looking at the young lad's shenanigans, smirking to themselves, and thinking, "well, that's one less competitor to worry about tonight."  But in reality, acting like Beavis is nothing more than a microcosm of what you can do to (not) get laid.