How to ONCE and FOR ALL let GO of a Poisoness Marriage?

I guess the first thing I need to say is that, I have NEVER felt so used, betrayed and broken hearted in my entire life.  My daughters would probably say, "I told you so."  I have always been a very spirited woman, even as a child.  NO ONE has ever been able to so completely break that spirit I have always possessed, until NOW.

I became a single parent of a beautiful baby girl at the age of 25.  I had just lost my mother (54 y.o.) very unexpectedly, so I was pretty much on my own.  I had a career that paid enough money for me to provide a nice/practical lifestyle for myself and my daughter.

It happened on an Easter Sunday, driving over a bridge for an Easter Egg Hunt at my sister's, when I glanced at the car next to me and noticed it was a guy I went all through Jr./Sr. High School with.  He was just as surprised as I was, motioned to follow him to the "REUNION" Blvd. Exit, where we had a short conversation about what had been going on in our lives.  He asked for my phone number, I invited him over that night to further catch up on things since school.  Before we knew it, things turned from innocent conversation between friends, to a hot and steamy night.  He left the next morning, came over the NEXT night and, never left.  We were married (me, 30 y.o., him, 29 y.o.) about 6 months later, on June 5, 1990.  As fate would have it, NINE MONTHS to the day of our marriage, we brought a beautiful baby girl into this world.

Within two years, the marriage had already began going downhill, as I didn't realize how much he relied on alcohol and a drug, that he told me he no longer had anything to do with. He soon became verbally/emotionally abusive.  I didn't really realize it, or maybe chose not to at the time, BUT, I knew things were bad enough that I moved out and filed for divorce.  Six months later, 2 weeks before Christmas, I dropped the divorce proceedings and allowed him to once again move in with us.

From the time we began living together/married, he always (and still does) put his mother's needs before me and our two children.  It would amaze me AND the girls when he would speak to his mother or job supervisor over the telephone, being as charming as ever, hang up the phone, and then his entire attitude would change, even the tone in his voice sounded so hateful.  Thinking about it, it was like comparing black to white/night to day.

As the years progressed, things seemed to get more volitile.  He went through periods when he didn't WANT me to work so that I could stay home with the girls, then he would blame me for NOT working.

Four years ago, I lost my sister/best friend to a terminal illness.  I spent the previous year being her sole caretaker.  Needless to say, after her death, I went through a major grieving period.  Him?  He continued drinking, yelling, etc.

I started begging him to lay off the beer, just ONE day over the weekend, so that we could TALK.  I had been telling him for some time that I was not happy and we really needed to talk.  Obviously, he didn't think there was a problem, as he continued to wake up before me on the weekends and had already started drinking beer by the time I had gotten up.

We separated three years ago ... at the FIRST sight of him verbally abusing his own daughter.  Due  to major health problems, we have contined to stay married so that I would be covered  by insurance.  No divorce papers have been filed to date.  During the last three years, he has helped us financially due to the fact that I have not been able to work.  I've suffered from MAJOR back problems, as I've had 2 back surgeries, the last of which was September 25, 2008, a laminectomy/fusion, being told the recouperation period could last anywhere from six months to one year or more, depending on the person.

When his father passed away 2 years ago, he promised his dad he would always take care of his mother, so, leaving his own apartment, in with her he moved. 

We met once a week for him to give us money for food, rent, etc.  That ONE day per week was so nerve racking, knowing that he would for certain get in some verbal/emotional abuse, that it would literally make me sick to my stomach.  I never knew if I would be seeing the NICE "estranged" husband or the MANIAC/BI POLAR "estranged" husband.

I became aware of the fact that he had met someone shortly after our split.  They have been a "couple" for the last two years.

During one weekend when he came over to help put a battery in my car so that I could get to the store and continue my post-surgery doctor appointments, he bluntly asked me if I wanted to get a divorce or stay together.  Took me a little by surprise.  I asked him straight out how he felt about this other woman.  He told me he loved her, but they had several problems in the relationship.

I still loved my husband, believe it or not, however, their is a difference in being "IN LOVE," or just loving someone.  When he asked me if I wanted to try to make our marriage work, I naturally asked about this other woman.  He said he would just tell her the truth, that he wanted to make his marriage work and be a family again.  I told him that  very second, that if  he was IN LOVE with her, then he needed to STAY with her.  I told him I only wanted the best for him and that  if she was the one who could make him happy, by all means, he should stay with her, as, if he came back  to us, it would only be a "ticking timebomb" situation, not good for either of us, but most of all, OUR DAUGHTERS.

Well, he ended the relationship with the other woman, admitted the alcohol problem, the yelling and promised to work on things.  Since he promised his father he would always take care of his mother, we only saw each other maybe one night or two, on the weekend.  Things seemed really good.  Of couse, my daughters were skeptical from the beginning. 

We had not worn our wedding rings since he left three years ago.  With Easter approaching, he said that it would be the perfect time to make our reunion "official."  On our "special day," Easter morning, we sat in front of one another and vowed to make our marriage our NUMBER ONE PRIORITY.  Making communication, understanding, selflessness, patience, faith, etc. a major part of our getting back together and fighting for our marriage.  With beautiful words spoken, rings were once again exchanged.

Just yesterday, April 25, 2009, he came over early as we were to celebrate our oldest daughter's birthday.  He had made plans to go to the horse races for the day.  When he arrived, I could tell immediately something was wrong.  He was very quite, said he didn't feel good and that he was tired, for us to go ahead and go without him.  Being naturally disappointed, we went.  When we got home, we noticed that he had drank six beers and said he would be back, he was going to get another six pack.
That's when I said something to the point of him saying he didn't feel good, what happened? 

OMG, he began yelling at the top of  his lungs, told me 'F**K Y*U,  I'm through, you're on your own, you're not getting any more money from me (I'm waiting for my first disability check).  My heart totally broke into at that point as I ran out of the room as fast as I could before he saw me cry or could say another word.  Well, my daughters are VERY protective of their mom.  They almost knocked me down as I was headed to my room, they were headed straight for HIM.  Naturally, they told him everything that they had heard was UNACCEPTABLE.  He said he was just under so much stress, having to take care of his mother and all, and....that he was STILL IN LOVE WITH THE OTHER WOMAN.
Prior to all of this, and before renewing our vows to one another and rings, he, WITHOUT me knowning, had called my father and told him we were getting back together, my father's response?  "Well, I think that's great!"  He's been sleeping in my bed for the last two months, the "I love you's,"  etc. He  had told me and the girls to start packing, that he wanted us  out there by his mom's house to make it easier to be a family.

I have NEVER felt so betrayed, so much like a TOTAL IDIOT, so BROKEN, The girls came in my room and told me the things he was saying, all I could say was, to tell him to leave immediately.  I had nothing to say to him, not to ever call me, nothing.  They asked him why he would tell my dad that, why he made me believe he WANTED this marriage, WHY THE RING CEREMONY, the VOWS???  His response?  "I made a mistake."

Needless to say, I am still so very numb.  I'm crushed, I guess I should have known better.  I am so devastated that I actually think I need help.

A lot of women might read this and call me a dumbass, "she knew what she was getting herself into."  I might have even said that at one time.  I guess I wanted it, I wanted US, plus the things he vowed to me.......

With all of that being said and done, how in the world can I begin to pick myself up, once AGAIN be the mother to my daughters that they so rightly deserve and move past  this?