Love + Sex

    So I've never blogged before but I thought this would be a good way for me to let my feelings out and once i read it over feel a lil betta! So I've been dating this guy since about Dec. well let me start from the beginning! We went to high school together but never talked he was the funny guy everyone loved and I'm the type of person where as if we don't meet on some type of common ground then I wont say anything not that I was shy or mean I jus wasnt the one for talking to those who didnt talk to me, but anywho he graduated a year before and I completely forgot he existed till one day in May of last year over Facebook(sorta like myspace but soo much better) he told my freshman college roommate he wanted to talk to me as in get to know me! Sooo my intial thought was like wow thats so random and frankly I wasn't interested! So the summer comes and he's on my heels but I'm still doing my thing and not really hearing what he has to say! Although his conversations wasn't boring I still wasn't convinced that I wanted to talk to him like that so I sent him off the whole summer promising to kick it with him and never got around to it. So when I went back to school I told him some bull ----- on why he shouldnt talk to me (honestly he was kinda annoying not supa but jus like ok bud I aint on that u can stop trying now) so he fell back for like a month or 2 then he emailed me again this time it was around Thanksgiving and I really had a taste for some TGI Friday's and I knew he would take me so I finally after 6 months I went on a date wit him. OK WOW that took forever ok FAST-FORWARD we start dating I found him to be soooo similar to me, and we got serious since I was away at school and he was at home we did a lot of talkin on the phone like I said we got really serious really fast so I noticed while at school around feb-mar he started actin funny getting annoyed and jus wasnt the same! So I asked him if he was seeing someone else I knoew in my heart I jus couldnt prove it since he was 500 miles away! Although i would come home on the weekends a lot I could just tell the difference so come April I find out he cheated on me but thats not even the bad part he cheated and got her pregnant with his ex! So I was crushed like anyone will be if there first love did this! I stopped talkin to him but deep inside I missed him so much I was mad at myself for still caring about him and I didnt understand why I couldnt go a day without thinkin about it so about a month after I initially found out I was back at home for the summer working just really starting to get over it! And guess who calls yup he calls me! A part of me was excited and a part of me wanted to go throught the phone and punch him another part wanted to hug him jus sooo many emotions mixed! Sooo he's apologizing begging and pleading like any man would do once they realize they've lost a good girl! At first im playing the I aint hearing ----- you got to say roll but wit a damage hear and a ----- ed up mindset on whats love supposed to be I give in slowly we start doing things we use to do while we was together he starts asking questions about where I am, who I'm with and things of that sort. Basically we we get back together jus without the title not because he doesn't want too jus cause I think my mind tells me I keeping somethin away from him that he wants when in actuality he's getting all he wants! I know this is all ----- ed up I really want out of  this vicious cycle because since we've been back talking we said numerous of times ok were jus gonna be friends! I know its gon take me not talking to him at all to get over him but I jus dont know how to do that! I love him soo much but I know deep down in my heart this..... I guess relationship is past dangerous its toxic! HELP ME PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!