Here's an upate about a dire situation facing a close friend of mine: she's been married just 3 years and her husband won't sleep with her. The longest they've gone without sex is a 9 month streak. They do not have children and at this rate, they won't have kids.
She's worried he's got some sort of porn addiction because he's fine and dandy when he's alone with the Tivo or online, but when it comes to one on one contact with her, he's not having any. No, he is not cheating on her. He has told her he's self conscious he's gained a lot of weight since the wedding and she's a former beauty queen. He told her he can see it in her eyes she's just not attracted to him like she used to be.
I suggested they get counseling. Her response: "he'll never agree to that". My thoughts: she's scared to approach the issue with him because that'll confront the fact they have a serious problem.
To make matters worse, he was transferred for his job recently and she was forced to quit her job and follow him across two states. She worked in a career she's been climbing for 15 years. Now back in a small town, she cannot land a job in her field. She's taken her frustrations out on her husband telling him its all his fault and she's home alone and miserable most days.
As suspected she would, she's started contacting former boyfriends and has even let a friendship with another man move beyond the "just friends" stage. I could see this coming from a mile away.
But if she's not confronting the issue with her husband, then she's not all that willing to fix it, right? Shouldn't he have spoken up by now and say "our marriage is in shambles?" He has no idea she's already started to stray. It makes her so tense she's getting anxiety attacks all the time and I'm worried the depression is only going to get worse from here.
I need advice: Her husband won't sleep with her: Part 2
- by , on Wed Jul 16, 2008 1:33am PDT
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Posted by Wed Jul 16, 2008 3:24am PDT
Report AbuseEncourage your friend to get into counseling, for herself first to work out her own feelings and then tools in dealing with the issues with her husband. Cheating will create damage for her self-esteem in the long run even if she feels justified to have the "quick fix" today.
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Posted by Wed Jul 16, 2008 5:02am PDT
Report AbuseI know what she's going through. Iv'e been married 10 yrs and my wife don't sleep with me at all now. She hasn't for for alot of our marriage. This is a rough thing to go through.But like your friend, talking doesn't do any good because I'm always the "bad guy". There must be a solution though. She hasn't been married all that long. She needs to get a focus on whats important to her, and when she sees herself as she is, maybe he will notice the confidence and will work to fix it, or let her move on. Wishing her good luck.
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Posted by Wed Jul 16, 2008 6:09am PDT
Report AbuseHere is what i think about all that. I know someone who is in that same situation. I told my friend that love isn't like that. If you love eachother, then you don't go through that.Love is a really funny thing but you never go through struggles like something like "no sex life". Sex is something that a married couple enjoy and have together. I think they need to sit down and talk about things and see what they can come up with to fix the situation.
About her job situation, all my friend does is work. And she works at a resturant. If you have an education, you don't want towork where your education isn't of an use.
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Posted by Wed Jul 16, 2008 6:32am PDT
Report AbuseShe needs to be done with this "marriage" and move back to where she was happy and be thankful there were no children involved. If their sex life was like this before children I can't imagine what would happen after adding crying babies and financial stresses to the situation. Poor thing needs to realize they had good intentions for their future it just didn't work and now she needs to get out and find someone more confident who would appreciate her partnership in life. I mean cheatings never a good answer but in this situation I can see why she would have-9 mth streaks in the beginning of their marriage? If I were her I'd feel like he rejected me wholely. It's like he don't bother with her sexually, she's not able to contribute financially nothing that would make a person feel good about theirselves!? If she does leave tell her to try to do so before he finds out about the affair or he may never be right. It sounds like he has some real problems.
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Posted by Wed Jul 16, 2008 6:49am PDT
Report AbuseYou say that the husband's excuse seems to be how self-conscious he is due to weight gain. Has your friend ever tried to say that she needs validation that he's attracted to her sexually? To find him constantly using adult videos as a sexual release and pass up his beauty-queen wife that's willing and there in the flesh has to do wonders for her ego.
I dont know, if he's not willing to budge in giving into what she needs, she's obviously seeking it outside the marriage, and marriage counseling isnt an option, why is she wasting any more time with him?
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Posted by Wed Jul 16, 2008 7:47am PDT
Report AbuseI hardly believe this story is completely accurate. You won't know the whole story until we hear what the husband has to say. There is more to this than what I've read, that's for sure.
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Posted by Wed Jul 16, 2008 7:57am PDT
Report AbuseEncourage your friend to try somthing different.Unfornately her husband is prolly having sexx with some one else.
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Posted by Wed Jul 16, 2008 11:12am PDT
Report Abusetry watching sinclair videos!! toghether. that would help!!! they sure did help my situation wich was similar!! marriage counseling wont help!
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