A male acquaintance recently started a conversation about "ugly" vaginas with my friends and I. He said that some vaginas resemble "kebabs" and that a lot of guys are really put off sex when they get a hot girl naked and find that her vagina isn't as "neat" as they imagined it would be. It made me feel really self-conscious about my own, even though I never have been before. Anyways, as I have never really seen many vaginas before, I decided to search "ugly vaginas" online. I was curious about what an ugly vagina actually is, and whether mine was one of them. Oh my god! I was shocked. What I thought was normal is actually "kebab-like"!!!! There were images of "beautiful" and "ugly" vaginas. The Vagina Institute in particular compares the two. The "beautiful" ones have plump outer labia and you can't see the inner labia poking out from them...but the ugly ones are just like mine, when you can see the inner lips slightly. It has made me feel so self-conscious. I hate to think of my ex and future partners being turned off by my vagina, especially as I try to keep it neat by trimming and waxing! Now I feel like growing a bush to try and hide my lips!! The horrible things is, I think when I was younger my vagina was more beautiful (I've seen the pictures of me running around naked on the beach as a child)...at least it looked more like the beautiful vagina pictures. It looked more like a little bottom than an adult vagina. Do you think that I have made it look worse by having lots of sex or something? Or is it just where I am older (I am 22 now). Can you have surgery on your vagina? I really want my inner lips to be made smaller. Is it possible?
--"Ugly" Betty
Dear U.B.,
Oh man. Where do we start? We could write an entire book on this topic. And it would involve a lot of ranting and swear words. Let's try for the abridged version.
First of all, the bad news: We hate to say it, but yes, there are plenty of guys out there who, like your pal, use terms like "roast beef" or "kebab" to describe what they consider to be ugly vaginas. We wish we didn't live in this kind of world, but damn it, we do, and much as we'd like to lie to you and tell you that all guys are just happy to get access to any vagina, no matter what it looks like, we can't.
These same guys will probably tell you (if you ply them with enough drinks) that a so-called ugly vagina, where the inner lips protrude beyond the outer lips, looks that way because the woman has had too much sex. And this is why they find "imperfect" vaginas a turn-off--it makes them think the vagina has too much "mileage." ( Know Thyself, Inside and Out: Female Anatomy 101)
First of all, what the double-standard ----- ? But second, they're flat-out wrong. Sex does not make your labia "grow." Let's say that one more time: The size and shape of a woman's labia has nothing to do with the number of notches on her bedpost.
But now the good news: Just because some guys think this way, doesn't mean you have to put up with it. Say no to vagina prejudice! Here are ten things you should know that may help you fight the good fight.
1. Even though seedy quack operations like the Vagina "Institute" (no link for them, they're assholes) will tell you that vaginas like yours are "abnormal," they're not. There's no such thing as abnormal when it comes to labes. (Okay, maybe if you could play hackysack with your inner labia, that would be a bit abnormal.) Labia come in all shapes and sizes. Most women's aren't symmetrical, and it's incredibly common for a woman's inner labia to protrude beyond the outer labia. (It's for this reason that we always use the terms "inner labia" and "outer labia" rather than "labia majora" and "labia minora," which falsely represent the scale). (An ob-gyn explains what's really going on down there.)
2. You know the only place where the vast majority of vaginas do look "perfect" (i.e. the same)? Porn. And it's for the same reason that most of the ladies in porn have big boobs: It's a job requirement, so if they weren't born that way, they go under the knife to get that way. It stands to reason, therefore, that guys who watch a ton of porn are more likely to have strong (and wrong) opinions about your labia.
3. Yes, you can have surgery on labia. And NO, YOU SHOULD NOT EVEN CONSIDER DOING THIS. If you don't believe us, Dr. Kate says the same thing. Your labia are full of nerve endings. Every day we are inundated with letters from women saying they can't orgasm--and you want to lessen your chances?!! Labiaplasty (that's the "technical" term) to trim your inner lips definitely won't make sex feel better for you, and it definitely could make sex less pleasurable or even painful.
4. The more a guy is into you, the less likely he is to give a ----- what your vagina looks like. Sure, there are some guys out there who have an unbending aesthetic preference, love be damned, just as there are some women out there who can't imagine sticking it out with a guy who's less than average-sized. But just as most women will overlook a man's size if they're in love with the man attached to that penis, so too will most men learn to love your labia. Hey, it's not the worst thing in the world to hold off on getting naked with a guy until you're sure he likes you for more than just your genitals.
5. We speak from personal experience here: One of us (we're a tad prudish so we won't tell you which one) has a classic "ugly" vagina, though she didn't know it was deemed so until a few years back. But you know what? She thinks it makes sex better. Like we said, the inner labia are chock-full of nerve endings, and they encase the clitoral head, which means that during intercourse, there's a whole lot more friction going on. Friction = stimulation = Big Os for her. So there, you vagina fascists.
Find tips 6-10 here!
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