Q: I want sex a few times a week. Lately, my husband seems satisfied with once a month. Is this normal?

A: When it comes to sex, what's "normal" is less important than the fact that you've been feeling frustrated. It's not uncommon for couples to have disparate sex drives, but it makes sense to rule out any emotional or physical factors that might be interfering with your partner's interest in sex. Are there any simmering arguments between you two? Could he be depressed? Is he under unusual stress at work? Does he have any health problems, take medication or use substances, such as alcohol, that might decrease libido or sexual function? It may be that he needs to see a doctor or a therapist, or simply switch to a decompression strategy that won't stifle his sex drive—say, swapping drinks for exercise. Whatever the concern, it's crucial that you discuss it. Bring up the issue outside the bedroom, so he'll feel less vulnerable. Try saying, "I feel bad that I want sex more than you do. How do you feel about it?" Let him know that your goal is to find a way to make both of you happy.


Related Links from SELF:

• Subscribe to SELF for just $1 an issue. Free Pink Striped Tote!
• Check out SELF’s fitness tip of the day
• Join the SELF Challenge and get in the Best Shape of Your Life
• Diet and Healthy Eating: Does your lunch need a lift?