IN MATTERS OF YOUR HEART IS IT WISER TO FOLLOW YOUR HEART OR
YOUR HEAD? HOW DO YOU FIND A BALANCE BETWEEN THE TWO? I'VE
ALWAYS BEEN OPTIMISTIC. I'VE ALWAYS TRIED TO SEE THE GLASS HALF
FULL. IT JUST SEEMS THE MORE I TRY, THE MORE I AM LET DOWN,
AND LEFT BROKEN HEARTED WHICH LEADS ME TO START GIVING INTO MY
PESSIMISTIC HALF. I FEEL AS THOUGH THE MORE I GIVE THE
LESS I RECIEVE. I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT GIRL THAT GIVES UP
ON LOVE. I DON'T WANT TO LOSE MY HOPE. I DON'T WANT TO QUIT
BELIEVING THAT THERE IS A PERFECT MAN OUT THERE SOMEWHERE WHO WANTS
TO BE WITH ME.
THE NIGHT BEFORE LAST I SAW ALEX'S BABY MAMA
{DANNAY} ON MYSPACE AND SHE WAS PROFESSING HER LOVE FOR
HIM. I ASSUMED THIS MEANT THEY WERE GETTING BACK TOGETHER. MY
HEART SUNK. I WAS REALLY STARTING TO FALL FOR HIM. HE TOLD ME
THAT HE HATED HER AND THAT THEY WOULD NEVER GET BACK
TOGETHER. TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST IT HURT BUT I WAS HAPPY
FOR HIM. I KNOW THAT HE REALLY LOVES HIS LITTLE GIRL AND IF THEY
COULD MAKE IT WORK FOR THAT REASON ALONE IT WOULD BE WORTH IT. I
CAN TOTALLY ACCEPT THAT. I GUESS ITS JUST TIME FOR ME TO MOVE
ALONG.
WELL TONIGHT GLADYS AND I WERE OUT GETTING DINNER AND WE
WERE TALKING ABOUT THE APT AND I TOLD HER THAT I WASN'T
GOING TO BE SEEING ALEX ANYMORE. THAT I DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH
ANYMORE DRAMA AND THAT I'M SO TIRED OF HIM TOSSING ME TO THE
SIDE FOR SOMEONE ELSE. THAT I FEEL LIKE WITH HIM I'M
NOTHING MORE THAN A PEICE OF ARSE. AFTER ALL I WENT THROUGH WITH
PAUL I DON'T WANT TO GO THROUGH THAT ANYMORE. I NO LONGER WANT
TO PLAY SECOND PLACE. WELL WE WERE TALKING ABOUT ALEX AND ALL
THE DRAMA WITH PAUL AND JAZMIN AND MY PHONE RINGS... IT
WAS ALEX. SO I WAS JUST LIKE "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
HE ASKED ME IF I WAS HOME CAUSE HE GOT INTO SOME TROUBLE AND
NEEDED A PLACE TO DUCK OUT FOR A WHILE... SO OF COURSE I
HAD TO ASK HIM WHAT HE DID AND HE SAID THAT DANNAY WAS TRYING
TO SWEET TALK HER WAY BACK INTO HIS LIFE AND THAT SHE WANTS TO GET
BACK WITH HIM AND THAT SHE GOT HIS NAME TATTOOED ON HER WRIST AND
THAT HE TOLD HER THAT HE DIDN'T WANT TO BE WITH HER YADA
YADA YADA... AND THAT SHE GOT PISSED AND CALLED THE COPS ON HIM
SAYING THAT HE BEAT HER AND SINCE HE'S ON PAROLE HE COULD
BE IN BIG TROUBLE AND THAT HE NEEDED TO LAY LOW TILL THINGS COOL
DOWN. I TOLD HIM "I'M SORRY BUT EVERYONE IS AT
MY APT RIGHT NOW." AND HE WAS LIKE "DAMN WELL OK THATS
COOL." SO HE HUNG UP AND I LOOKED AT GLADYS AND I
WAS LIKE "FUDGE! AS SOON AS I SAID IT, HE HAD TO CALL.
BUT I DON'T WANT TO GO THROUGH THAT AGAIN" AND BEING
THE GREATEST BEST FRIEND SHE IS SHE ASSURED ME I DID THE RIGHT
THING... BUT DID I? I MEAN IT LITERALLY HURT ME TO LET HIM DOWN AND
NOT BE THERE FOR HIM... I'M NOT THAT TYPE OF PERSON. I WANTED
TO CRY.
I DONT' KNOW I FELT REALLY BAD FOR TELLING HIM NO. BUT AT THE
SAME TIME I'M PROUD OF MYSELF FOR SAYING NO. I'M TIRED OF
BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF. I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT GIRL
ANYMORE. I'VE REALLY BEEN SITTING BACK AND THINKING ABOUT
ALEX AND THE RELATIONSHIP WE HAVE. EVERYTIME WE GET CLOSE HE
JUST TOSSES ME ASIDE TO MAKE A REAL RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE
ELSE.... IS THAT MY FAULT FOR NEVER TELLING HIM THAT I WANT TO BE
WITH HIM? I JUST DONT WANT TO TELL HIM THAT I HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM
AND GET REJECTED... BUT WHAT IF HE'S THINKING IM NOT
INTERESTED? EVERYTIME HE SWEET TALKS HIS WAY BACK INTO MY LIFE I
LET HIM AND HOPE THAT IT WILL BE DIFFERENT AND YET IT NEVER
IS. I HAD ENOUGH OF THAT WITH PAUL. I REALLY
DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I REALLY WANT TO JUST TALK TO ALEX AND
TELL HIM HOW I FEEL BUT AT THE SAME TIME I JUST WANT TO MOVE
FORWARD AND FIND SOMEONE THAT I DONT HAVE SO MUCH HISTORY WITH AND
JUST START FRESH...
AH THE DILEMMAS LIFE PUTS BEFORE YOU... I DON'T WANT TO
LOSE MY OPTIMISTIC NATURE... BUT WITH ALL THATS HAPPENED TO
ME, EVEN THOUGH I KNOW ITS MY OWN FAULT... I DONT' KNOW
ANYMORE... I DON'T WANT TO BE ONE OF THOSE COLD HEARTED GIRLS
THAT ARE ONLY WORRIED ABOUT MATERIAL THINGS AND WHAT A GUY CAN DO
FOR THEM & I DON'T WANT TO JUST SETTLE FOR ANYONE WHO COMES
ALONG. I WANT THE FAIRYTALE... DOES THAT EVEN EXSIST? MAYBE AFTER
EVERYTHING I'VE DONE I DON'T DESERVE IT AND THIS IS GODS
WAY OF PUNISHING ME.
HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO STAY POSITIVE, AND OPTIMISTIC WHEN I FEEL
LIKE EVERYTHING IS AGAINST ME?
IF IT'S NOT ONE THING... IT'S ANOTHER... =[
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Posted by Tue May 5, 2009 1:55am PDT
Report Abusehello my friend!can i be your friend? i suppose.anyway, i don't want you to lose your optimism.everything that happens to us has a purpose.why don't you pray to God about your problem and i'm sure He will listen and answer your prayers.
My dear, you should love yourself,don't let people use you.Learn to love yourself and true love will come to you. I know it's easier said than done. I don't want to sound preachy but it's true only God can turn situations upside down and when you pray you have to trust that whatever you prayed for you have already recieved it and it will be yours. Doing something good to people is a noble act but you should also learn to guard yourself from those who are just taking advantage of your kindness. I f you really are in love with Alex,which i doubt, you can talk to him and tell him how you feel towards him but there is always this possibility than he might just take advantage of your feelings. In my assessment based on your story, Alex himself is lost, he doesn't have direction, he doesn'e relly know what he wants in life. I may be wrong of course,but that is my opinion based on what i read.
I think it will be best for you to unwind, go out meet other people and who knows you will meet somebody who you will find interesting. It's always nice to have a fresh start,it's very challenging, exciting and mysterious.But of course you chould be cautious also.
Take care and I hope I was able to help you in my own little way.
God bless you and stay positive.TRUST IN THE LORD...
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Posted by Tue May 5, 2009 5:34am PDT
Report AbuseYou know sometimes we attract the wrong men. It's not like we want it that way but it happens.
Are you just rushing to find someone who will fill your empty space? Or are you in a rush to find someone? First and most of all...Truly love yourself first! GOD is the man that you will love more than any man!
Take time to breathe and don't rush into a relationship. Get to know yourself more and concentrate on you! But remember that you have to realize that you at least tried in your relationship and if they can't see that...It's Not Your Fault!
God is always loving you and Not punishing you! He's just trying to open your eyes so you can see clearly!
Stay positive, stay strong and good luck sweetheart!
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