Love + Sex

Sunday, November 22, 2009

If You Could Say *Anything* to an Ex, What Would It Be?

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If you could say anything to a former flame, what would it be? I miss you? Thank you? How could you?



My most serious ex (read: we dated for two years, and I practically lived at his apartment) and I have recently started to talk over IM more, so this is a topic I've been thinking a lot about.

I ended our relationship pretty abruptly — sorta grabbed my things and stormed out one morning there — so, many things went unsaid. It's two and a half years later now, we're both seeing new people, and I think we both have more perspective. He asked me if I wanted to get a drink with him this week, and I agreed, but I'm wondering how the conversation will go. Will we apologize to each other? Reminisce? Rehash old arguments?

In his new book, Dear Old Love, Andy Selsberg compiled people's sentimental, indignant, outrageous — and anonymous — notes to former crushes and loves. Here are some potent snippets:

"You are the only person I ever enjoyed kissing."

"'I love you' doesn't count if you can only say it in email."

"I'm consoled by the fact that ... you will have very hairy children."

"You are a gigantic ass. And not the good kind of gigantic ass, like my ass."

"I don't care that you miss my dog. When you cheated on me, you cheated on him, too."

"I'm so glad it didn't work out the way I wanted it to."


I don't think I'll be saying any of those things to his face (although, who knows what will happen after two cocktails), but it's fun to think about what I might tell him in an anonymous note.

How about you? What would you say to an ex? Say it "anonymously" here in the comments!


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From the Community…

Comments 1-10 of 672
  • V.'s Avatar
    Posted by V. Tue Oct 27, 2009 11:51am PDT

    I would say, "Thank you" for helping me to see that some people are just poison to you life.............

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  • Leslie's Avatar
    Posted by Leslie Tue Oct 27, 2009 12:00pm PDT

    I would say why was I not good enough to try and work it out?

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  • Leslie's Avatar
    Posted by Leslie Tue Oct 27, 2009 12:02pm PDT

    Then I would say thank you for the person I have become because of you, have a great life because I will.

    Report Abuse
  • jac's Avatar
    Posted by jac Tue Oct 27, 2009 1:57pm PDT

    i would ask for my things she took. i just loved it when she waited for me to be at work to take things that don't belong to her.

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  • Joku's Avatar
    Posted by Joku Tue Oct 27, 2009 6:47pm PDT

    I would say, "Thanks for giving me a living hell for so long, now I know that a good relationship is."

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  • Joshua's Avatar
    Posted by Joshua Tue Oct 27, 2009 9:54pm PDT

    I would say, "Thank you for all the nice dinners, fancy shows, and trips. I had a good time, and I appreciate you helping me through a very difficult time in my life." That being said, I would also go on to say, "But there is a reason I left you. Your disrespectful attitude and flaky hot and cold behavior was not going to cause me to lose one wink of sleep. Don't call me, and I can assure you I won't call you. I started dating your coworker a week after I left. It's been nine months now, and I'm happy. Maybe you were right, seeing other people wasn't such a bad idea after all...I just won't be seeing you." :-)

    PS: I don't wish you well, and I don't want to be your friend.

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  • Joshua's Avatar
    Posted by Joshua Tue Oct 27, 2009 9:55pm PDT

    I would say "BITE ME!"

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  • sc5417's Avatar
    Posted by sc5417 Wed Oct 28, 2009 10:40am PDT

    I've actually had the opportunity to say everything I wanted to my ex-husband after the divorce, so that was cool. It also showed me, however, that just because you ask does not mean that you will ever understand the answers. And saying the things you wanted won't necessarily change the outcomes or make things any better. If you get the chance and won't cause conflicts, go ahead and do so, but if you're looking for "closure" you probably won't really get that. At least there is no bitterness or total misunderstanding anymore.

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  • 's Avatar
    Posted by Wed Oct 28, 2009 10:42am PDT

    id say i still love you...........

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  • Brittany's Avatar
    Posted by Brittany Wed Oct 28, 2009 10:43am PDT

    I WOULD SAY THE ONLY GOOD THING YOU'VE DONE FOR ME IS MAKE ME A STRONGER BETTER PERSON!

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Comments 1-10 of 672

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