Have you been burned by an ex- boyfriend, or several? Maybe
you’ve had guys who cheated on you, treated you disrespectfully or
just didn’t appreciate you. It’s easy to see how women who have had
bad experiences with men in the past could begin to think
negatively toward the entire gender. This, however, is the exact
opposite of what you need to be doing if you really want to stop
attracting jerks and find your dream guy. Allow me to explain.
Your thoughts are a very powerful tool when it comes to everything you attract into your life, and your dating life is no different. Many ladies that I work with have been burned and complain that “All men are scum,” “Men only want sex,” or “There are no good guys out there.” If you honestly feel this way then you will never attract a decent man into your life. When you think all men are pigs then you become a pig magnet. Even if you try your best to disguise your mentality when you are out, you give negative vibes that will send any half-decent man running for the hills. Men like easy-going, relaxed women with bright smiles and personalities. If you are carrying around your negative emotions from past relationships then it is impossible to be the type of woman that attracts anything less than a jerk.
Be honest with yourself. On some level you know that all men aren’t bad and that there are good ones out there. Think of all the women you know who are in happy relationships with great guys. Now think of the great guys you know that are just friends or in your family. They aren’t all scum either, are they? Basically by thinking all men are bad you are telling yourself a big fat lie that actually becomes your own reality.
What should you do if you are currently in the place where you are only attracting jerks? Change your attitude ASAP. It will take some time and seem awkward at first, because old habits die hard, but this is crucial if you want to start dating great guys. Be very aware of every thought and word that you think or say about men. When you overhear women man-bashing at the water cooler resist the urge to join in and walk away. Replace your old habit of dogging the male gender with a new habit of thinking about your dream guy.
Get a clear vision in your head of what your perfect man will be like. Describe the characteristics he will have and how he will treat you. Picture him respecting you and valuing you and the relationship. Now anytime you start to think or mutter the words “all men are scum” quickly remind yourself that all men are not scum and that one guy in particular, who is out there somewhere waiting for you, is most definitely not scum.
Lately a lot of the women I work with have either had this thought towards men. The ladies who have changed their attitudes have had great success. I received notification just yesterday from one that has found a really sweet great guy and they have been dating several months.
Let me also say that it takes about a month to replace your old habits, so stick with this to see the best results. If you happen to attract a jerk in the meantime don’t waste any of your precious time thinking or dwelling on him. Simply send him to the curb like the trash that he is and rest assure you are that much closer to finding the perfect guy. We all know that sometimes it’s necessary to kiss a few frogs before we find our prince, so maintain a positive attitude while you wait.
Brandi Hamrick, dating coach
