I'm 38 and Want a Baby But He's Not Ready -- Should I Move On?

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  Posted by __A_YAHOO_USER__ Tue Sep 29, 2009 12:21pm PDT

  A good man is a lot harder to find than a baby.....

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  Posted by None Tue Sep 29, 2009 12:23pm PDT

  First off, NEVER EVER marry someone that has debt! Let them clear it up first! Are you that stupid & desperate?! Geez, if you marry a debt, that debt is YOURS, get a pre-nup and stop being so needy, if you truly believe he'll be ready in that year and trust him, then wait! Are you ready to have a kid? You should be married and fully committed, have you talked about how to raise kids, your morals, your beliefs, work schedules, sex lives, etc, etc, you sound like you are just infatuated with the fantasy world as most people are, please discuss the real issues before any of this. A child means no more YOU time, you must be ready financially, emotionally, physically, etc.

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  Posted by Super Abuelita Tue Sep 29, 2009 12:29pm PDT

  A child costs LOTS OF MONEY to raise. Maybe he is the one being rational here. If you knew he came with "Lots of financial baggage" you knew there was a chance he couldn't afford children.

  Why did you get together anyway, if you knew both of your situations??

  Are you willing to"guilt" your boyfriend into being a father? Shouldn't children be wanted by both parents?

  A good parent thinks about their children's well being. Are you?

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  Posted by Doktor Eevol Tue Sep 29, 2009 5:00pm PDT

  Wow, that's a pickle. Two years is an awful long time to stay with someone just to find out they don't share the same long term goals. Why wasn't this sifted out in the beginning when you were first seeing each other?

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  Posted by mighty_mouse Tue Sep 29, 2009 5:04pm PDT

  Leave him!

  Lovers will come and go, but the love between a mother and child is true and forever.

  Having kids is one of the most important experiences of life-- DO NOT miss out on this for a man! (especially one with money problems....)

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  Posted by kellyc98 Tue Sep 29, 2009 5:10pm PDT

  nothing wrong with having a child by yourself...if you want one that bad, and your biological clock is speeding at your age, have one artificially and he chooses to stay around, so be it. If he doesn't you have your child. You can't afford to wait if this is something you feel like you have to have in your life, cuz once that time has passed it's done.

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  Posted by sandra Tue Sep 29, 2009 5:11pm PDT

  okay i read other comments and no one said anything about her age. She is 38 already and women dont have all the time in the world to wait for any man that is not ready for a child, so i will say maybe the guy is not really into the relationship and does not want you to have a child either . So you have to think about yourself first, and know you are not getting any younger in the sense of child bearing too. Goodluck.

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  Posted by Carlos Tue Sep 29, 2009 5:33pm PDT

  I think he is being honest, and you are being selfish. I married a girl with financial baggage, and we made a plan and cleared it up. We raised a wonderful daughter and don't look back. Life is a crazy, fun, sad, trying ride, and unless this fellow is an axe murderer, you, could be shooting yourself in the foot. Speaking of which, what would want him to do if the shoe were...? would you want him to dump you for a possible "better choice"? sound selfish to you? THINK!!!

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  Posted by Doktor Eevol Tue Sep 29, 2009 5:36pm PDT

  Sandra, I didn't bother mentioning her age because it goes without saying that EVERY person should only get involved with someone else who shares the same long term goals no matter what their age. Dating is to FIND someone compatible with you and your long term goals, not to make yourself compatible to someone else or someone else compatible to you.

  At this juncture of her situation, her age is now incidental to the mistake she's already made. It's also irrelevant at this point because any woman over the age of thirty who wants to have children should have her biological expiration date in mind when trying to find a partner who shares that same family planning preference.

  I think the problem is, people don't want to talk about long term goals early in the dating phase because they are afraid of looking needy or clingy or pressuring the other person. But that's not what people should worry about. People SHOULD worry about investing emotional energy and years of their life in someone they are ultimately incompatible with. Because once you've given all those years, those years are gone and gone for good.

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  Posted by Lasombradia Tue Sep 29, 2009 5:42pm PDT

  I strongly support what None & Super said. Its the harsh truth, but the truth.

  I disagree with Kelly98. No matter how much you love your child, you place your child at a disadvantage by not having an active father in their life. There are many challenges in life we all must over come and I dont feel this one is necessary in order to feed the selfishness of having a baby.

  My challenge is I don't know what a healthy relationship with a man is, my father was a blip in the picture and so where the other men my mom dated. Girls sleeping when men to find their 'daddy', men using women for pleasure. Its a cycle. A boy wont know how to be a man if he doesn't have a good father figure, a girl wont know how to be a good woman if her mother accepts whatever comes along and gives her attention.

  I do hope Lady In Waiting finds her answer, but she needs to look inside herself first. Just because her BF has bad debt doesn't men he isn't a good man, just a man who made bad choices.

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