I'm sure it's a very common situation: Boy and Girl meet, date, fall in love, Boy proposes, Girl accepts, and the two begin planning the wedding so that they can go on to live in marital bliss. But what happens when Boy is gung-ho about everything, and Girl is starting to second guess her decision to accept Boy's proposal? This, folks, is the problem I'm having. Things had been going fine for me and Boy for a while, and then I suddenly started feeling like I wanted OUT. He's changed so much since we first got together, and not all of it is good. Granted, I have also changed, not all of it good, but the things that have changed in him are really bad. Such as, he doesn't have a steady job, he makes bad financial desicions, etc. We've also come across some major things, and neither one of us really wants to compromise.
My question is this: How do I handle all of this? I'm a Christian, and I've been praying about this for quite a while. I asked God for a clear sign of whether or not Boy and I should be together, and if not, lead us to other people. But how can I KNOW in my heart what I should do? Any logical advice would be greatly appreciated.
I'm supposed to be getting married, but I'm having second thoughts...BIG TIME.
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Posted by Sun Jun 22, 2008 8:18am PDT
Report AbuseStacker...PLEASE...PLEASE...PLEASE do NOT get married. Give it a lot of time...at least wait for the next year. I've been in the exact same situation, and did not back out. I talked myself into thinking it was just "jitters" because I had gone through a horrible divorce from an emotionally abusive man. I went through with the second marriage because i didn't listen to my gut feelings. I married a man that i knew i didn't love. Then stayed married to him for 6 years but wouldn't leave because i didn't want to put the kids through a second divorce. Ended up having a loveless, sexless, roommate marriage that ended a year and a half ago.
You need to listen to the voice inside of you. It will tell you when it is really right. And if it isn't really right for you...then u don't want it. Please wait...if it is meant to be then it will get better...if not then it will end. In both situations, you will be the better off. Good luck.
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Posted by Sun Jun 22, 2008 8:49am PDT
Report AbuseStacker...PLEASE...PLEASE...PLEASE do NOT get married. Give it a lot of time...at least wait for the next year. I've been in the exact same situation, and did not back out. I talked myself into thinking it was just "jitters" because I had gone through a horrible divorce from an emotionally abusive man. I went through with the second marriage because i didn't listen to my gut feelings. I married a man that i knew i didn't love. Then stayed married to him for 6 years but wouldn't leave because i didn't want to put the kids through a second divorce. Ended up having a loveless, sexless, roommate marriage that ended a year and a half ago.
You need to listen to the voice inside of you. It will tell you when it is really right. And if it isn't really right for you...then u don't want it. Please wait...if it is meant to be then it will get better...if not then it will end. In both situations, you will be the better off. Good luck.
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Posted by Sun Jun 22, 2008 8:51am PDT
Report AbuseNo. This is not the time to marry. he doesn't have a steady job and makes bad fincial decisions. That's a deal breaker right there. Lack of money in a marriage will lead to arguments and cause bitterness. Your guy is not ready to be a husband if he is not able to contribute financially and have his head on straight about how that money he makes is spent.
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Posted by Sun Jun 22, 2008 4:44pm PDT
Report Abusethat is the biggest frustration in ur life that u ever made if u continue to marry the boy w/out anything,no stable job, financial
unstable,the best solution w/ur problem is cancel ur plans to marry her,,b 4 ur life becomes worst,
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Posted by Sun Jun 22, 2008 5:57pm PDT
Report AbusePlease, do NOT marry this man. Christian or not, these BIG TIME second thoughts are more than likely God's way of telling you NO NO NO. In your heart, if it was right, there would NOT be big time second thoughts. The change in him is probably another way of God smacking you up aside the head and saying "listen here, Girl!" You feel you haven't had a clear "sign". It may be a subtle sign that you are completely overlooking. I think you know your answer or you wouldn't have posted this question. All these answers are saying the same thing, avoid the marriage. Pray to God about opening your eyes to His signs and subtle messages instead of praying for "clear signs". They have been there, you just aren't seeing them. It takes work to make a relationship stable, boyfriend isn't and you are NOT disappointing God by breaking off a relationship that isn't right. God knows what is best for you and that is where your big-time doubts are coming from. Patience and the one that is right for you will appear. Just pray that when God sends him that you don't miss the right person. I did and had a wonderful friend and husband. God bless and good luck.
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Posted by Thu Jun 26, 2008 9:54am PDT
Report AbuseI will tell you this....ALWAYS listen to your gut, not your heart. He is not ready to marry, nor is he stable in alot of areas. This is just a sign of things to come in the future. Not to mention, if you get married, then you as his wife become responsible for his bad financial decisions. If you end up marrying him, make sure you keep your finances and credit apart from his!
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Posted by Thu Jun 26, 2008 9:59am PDT
Report Abusemmmmmk all you have to do is ask your self the falloing Qs and get the As
1. do you love him
2. dose he love you
3. is he what you want in a man or is he some one that will change after he gets what he wants!
4. is it cold feet
5. will you say yes or no!
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Posted by Thu Jun 26, 2008 10:01am PDT
Report AbuseI think the fact that you are having second thoughts is a sign that you shouldn't get married yet. If you guys are both truly committed to each other, you wouldn't mind waiting a little longer to be sure.
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Posted by Thu Jun 26, 2008 10:07am PDT
Report AbuseStacker,
I am a Christian also. You've already gotten the clear signs you need.
1) he does not have a steady job
2) he makes bad financial decisions
3) you are unable to come together on major decisions
It sounds like you are unequally yoked which means you should not be together. The last thing you want to do is start out a legal partnership(marriage) on a rocky foundation. I'm not saying things need to be perfect because that's impossible but you should start out a marriage on a solid foundation. It does not sound like that's possible with this man.
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