I'm sure it's a very common situation: Boy and Girl meet, date, fall in love, Boy proposes, Girl accepts, and the two begin planning the wedding so that they can go on to live in marital bliss. But what happens when Boy is gung-ho about everything, and Girl is starting to second guess her decision to accept Boy's proposal? This, folks, is the problem I'm having. Things had been going fine for me and Boy for a while, and then I suddenly started feeling like I wanted OUT. He's changed so much since we first got together, and not all of it is good. Granted, I have also changed, not all of it good, but the things that have changed in him are really bad. Such as, he doesn't have a steady job, he makes bad financial desicions, etc. We've also come across some major things, and neither one of us really wants to compromise.
My question is this: How do I handle all of this? I'm a Christian, and I've been praying about this for quite a while. I asked God for a clear sign of whether or not Boy and I should be together, and if not, lead us to other people. But how can I KNOW in my heart what I should do? Any logical advice would be greatly appreciated.
I'm supposed to be getting married, but I'm having second thoughts...BIG TIME.
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Posted by Thu Jun 26, 2008 10:20am PDT
Report AbuseBoy, are you lucky you picked up on those bad qualities, someone is watching out for ya. Time is what you need, and an understanding between the two of you, if you go forward with the relationship. It (Love) should be good and comfortable not doubtful and worrysome. Plenty of fish in the sea, keep fishin.
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Posted by Thu Jun 26, 2008 10:20am PDT
Report AbuseI hate to say it, but I believe financials are a huge part of the marriage partnership. If you aren't on the same page financially, it could cause major problems down the road. What happens when you want to buy a house, but your partner has poor credit or no stable income? These are all things to consider. I don't want to make it seem like money is everything, but it is a vital part of marriage.
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Posted by Thu Jun 26, 2008 10:26am PDT
Report AbuseAre you prepared to be the sole bread winner...like forever?!! Are you prepared to deal with the feelings of him being jealous of you having to support and your future family?!! You didn't say how old you are but hope you are not thinking that this is as good as it gets because you think some sort of clock is ticking. What does your family have to say. It maybe that this guy has always had someone to take care of EVERYTHING important in his life and you might just me the new sugar mama! Lots to look at and would have to agree that nothing bad happens by waiting!
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Posted by Thu Jun 26, 2008 10:47am PDT
Report AbuseDon't marry the boy!!!! I wish I had of listened to myself, I knew I was making a mistake and it cost me! You wouldn't believe. You should see my wedding pictues, you could see it on my face, I wish I had just ran away that day. We divorced 2 years later, I could have avoided all that mess if I had of listened to my intuition, God gave us intuition for a reason.
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Posted by Thu Jun 26, 2008 11:33am PDT
Report AbuseIf you feel like you WANT OUT now, imagine how much you'll want OUT a year from now when you're sitting at the kitchen table with a stack of bills neither one of you can pay, you're cooking for a guy who has been lying on the couch all day, and you still haven't financially recovered from the beef and chicken dinners from the wedding you know you never should have had.
Don't let the expectations of others influence the biggest decision of your life. No one has to live through this but you. Do what you know is right, which is, not to get married. It will be easier to get out of this now than it will be to get out of a difficult marriage. Since you are religious, ending a failed marriage will be even more daunting for you. It is a courageous thing to admit things aren't right and to call off an engagement. Be brave and do what is right for YOU.
Talk it over with your fiance. Lay out your concerns without placing blame. Say that you would prefer to have "xyz in place in order to have a solid foundation for a marriage." Tell him you both need to take a step back and call of the engagement so that you can work on these issues as individuals. Tell a trusted girlfriend or family member to spread the news of the cancelled engagement for you.
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Posted by Thu Jun 26, 2008 11:59am PDT
Report AbuseWELL I HAVE BEEN IN YOUR SHOES. I WAS MARRIED JUST 9 MONTHS A AGO. MY HUSBAND WAS THIS WONDERFUL MAN WHEN WE WAS DATING. WHEN HE ASKED ME TO MARRY HIM HE WAS STILL O.K. BUT AFTER WE SAID I DO HE CHANGED FOR THE BAD. HE WOULD NOT WORK I HAD TO PAY ALL THE BILLS AND WHEN HE DID WORK HE WOULD BLOW HIS MONEY ON DUMB STUFF AND LEAVE ME WITH THE BILLS. THEN HE WAS MENTALLY ABUSIVE TO ME. MY ADVICE TO YOU IS TO NOT MARRY THIS GUY IF YOU ARE HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS. I HAD SECOND THOUGHTS BEFORE I GOT MARRIED AND I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO MYSELF AND NOT HAVE GOTTEN MARRIED. THERE WILL BE A MAN THAT COMES ALONG THAT YOU WILL KNOW THAT YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO BE WITH. IF I HAD LISTEN TO MYSELF THEN I WOULD HAVE MARRIED THE MAN OF MY DREAMS. BUT I DID NOT. I LISTEN TO OTHER PEOPLE AND THOUGHT I WAS MAKING THE RIGHT DECISION. GOOD LUCK HOPE THIS HELPS YOU.
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Posted by Thu Jun 26, 2008 11:59am PDT
Report AbuseWELL I HAVE BEEN IN YOUR SHOES. I WAS MARRIED JUST 9 MONTHS A AGO. MY HUSBAND WAS THIS WONDERFUL MAN WHEN WE WAS DATING. WHEN HE ASKED ME TO MARRY HIM HE WAS STILL O.K. BUT AFTER WE SAID I DO HE CHANGED FOR THE BAD. HE WOULD NOT WORK I HAD TO PAY ALL THE BILLS AND WHEN HE DID WORK HE WOULD BLOW HIS MONEY ON DUMB STUFF AND LEAVE ME WITH THE BILLS. THEN HE WAS MENTALLY ABUSIVE TO ME. MY ADVICE TO YOU IS TO NOT MARRY THIS GUY IF YOU ARE HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS. I HAD SECOND THOUGHTS BEFORE I GOT MARRIED AND I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO MYSELF AND NOT HAVE GOTTEN MARRIED. THERE WILL BE A MAN THAT COMES ALONG THAT YOU WILL KNOW THAT YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO BE WITH. IF I HAD LISTEN TO MYSELF THEN I WOULD HAVE MARRIED THE MAN OF MY DREAMS. BUT I DID NOT. I LISTEN TO OTHER PEOPLE AND THOUGHT I WAS MAKING THE RIGHT DECISION. GOOD LUCK HOPE THIS HELPS YOU.
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Posted by Thu Jun 26, 2008 12:23pm PDT
Report AbuseI think that your are not having second thoughts its that you are confused. If has a finacial problem, then I think that you should tell him what he has to to do in order to fix that problem. If you love him and he loves you. because there maybe somethings that he dont like about you. In order for a relationship to go right both has to be on the same page. but i think that you should wait a nother year and help through his problem and if that dont work then jusy be friends.
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Posted by Thu Jun 26, 2008 12:42pm PDT
Report AbuseHow could is not the same as I did. The present is never the past, but the past is always the present, therefore, we must live in the past to prevent the present from escaping and regretting the past.
Think of what made you guys come to the conclusion of wanting to get married...only you can answer that by evaluating the past and making a decision and moving forward from there.
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