OK - So I'm 44. Folks tell me all the time I look about 35.
Cool! I'll take that!
But the reality is - I'm a single woman over 40 - What was that
old saw about 'you have a better chance of being struck by
lightning than finding love over 40'...?
Well, add to that - I am a single mom, over 40, with 2 kids in
college who live at home (translation: broke for the rest
of my natural life) and a grandchild on the way.
I sometimes think I have a better chance of my plane getting shot
down over Bora Bora, being attacked by monkeys, swimming the entire
Pacific to get help, WHILE being mauled by sharks, and THEN getting
struck by lightning...than finding love at this stage of the game.
I sometimes feel that way. Sometimes.
Then there are times when I'm cautiously optimistic. Surely
those statistics are geared towards a 'traditional'
relationship. You know, older man, younger woman, marriage minded,
blah blah blah.
None of which apply to me.
I'm actually more interested in men who are slightly younger
than me (I say slightly because the whole
'cougar' phenomenon is not really my cup of tea. My cut off
age is 35 or so.) But I am active, energetic and work hard to stay
fit. It's been my experience that the men in my area over 45
are more interested in riding the couch on a Saturday than riding a
motorcycle... (or riding ME for that matter!! haha)
I am not looking for a husband. I've had a couple of those and
although I am a slow learner, I have figured out that marriage is
not for me.
Not to say that I wouldn't meet someone, fall crazy in love and
be with said someone for the rest of my days... but I have no
burning desire for a ceremony. nor do I require sanction from the
state or an organized religion for my personal life. It's great
for some people, just not for me.
I'm actually surprised at how much more fun you can have with a
man when the 'pressure' is off.
So my question is this: Ladies over 40? How's your love life?
Do you believe the common wisdom that you're 'done'?
Are you open to non-traditional definitions of a relationship? Is
it just me?
I'm Too CUTE to Be This Old!
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From the Community…
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Posted by Wed May 13, 2009 12:42pm PDT
Report AbuseHey I think its cool how you got it going on but why not marriage?
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Posted by Wed May 13, 2009 2:09pm PDT
Report AbuseThanks AJ!
To answer your question, I've been married. When things went badly I wound up in courtrooms - tapped out emotionally and financially. I'm free to love now without the legal obligations. It's all good. :-)
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Posted by Wed May 13, 2009 5:08pm PDT
Report AbuseSimalair situation, plus I'm extremely shy, I never use to be....
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Posted by Wed May 13, 2009 6:02pm PDT
Report AbuseI just turned 40 & in my first long-term relationship in a very long time. I was resolved that I wouldn't meet anyone or want to get married, I constantly told people that I never wanted to get married even down deep down I probably did. But now I've met a guy who is 4 yrs younger than me, who wants to marry & settle down -- WITH ME, lol. I wasn't looking for him, he lives about 20 mins away from me in a different state, we would never have met in the traditional sense of the word but we enjoy the same things & each other. I love him with all my heart & because I've been along for such a long time it's taking me a while to feel comfortable with my relationship, to understand the relationship things that happen between two people & frankly I'm having the time of my life & wouldn't change it for anything. I'm having the best time & I truly don't think that I would be this happy if it had happened to me when I was younger.
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Posted by Wed May 13, 2009 9:18pm PDT
Report Abusesomething a friend who had tough struggles throughout said to me, "Girl...(shaking her head)life is no dress rehearsal, you only live once." I'm 44 --and holding--who looks like I'm 30. I havent't been in a relationship for a long while and find it difficult to find men who are a) closer to my age and is seasoned in life b) will approach me to ask me out on a date c) no chemistry d) won't committ! exasperated. I'm unique and I know I'm interesting.
I don't get it and neither do any of my married friends and/or family. It is awful sometimes...this mother's day everyone was wishing me a, "happy mother's day." I never had children! I don't count raising my sister as really a mother and neither does she.
So, what viable options are there? There have been love interests in the past; however, ironically, they seem to be from a different country and or state. I write music reviews and meet many interesting people, they just seem to not be in my area and this seems to be a hinderance to them, not me. I'm game to find out what happens if they will.
So where do I go from here? Because I am not as conservative as others (that creative mind) the dating services may not be able to render what I'm looking for...the same and someone who will understand me.
Any other suggestions? help! I don't want to reach that 45 mark in November to discover that I am undateable...I want to strike while the iron is hot!
a little tamed rock n roller,
(Name Withheld)
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Posted by Wed May 13, 2009 9:18pm PDT
Report Abusesomething a friend who had tough struggles throughout said to me, "Girl...(shaking her head)life is no dress rehearsal, you only live once." I'm 44 --and holding--who looks like I'm 30. I havent't been in a relationship for a long while and find it difficult to find men who are a) closer to my age and is seasoned in life b) will approach me to ask me out on a date c) no chemistry d) won't committ! exasperated. I'm unique and I know I'm interesting.
I don't get it and neither do any of my married friends and/or family. It is awful sometimes...this mother's day everyone was wishing me a, "happy mother's day." I never had children! I don't count raising my sister as really a mother and neither does she.
So, what viable options are there? There have been love interests in the past; however, ironically, they seem to be from a different country and or state. I write music reviews and meet many interesting people, they just seem to not be in my area and this seems to be a hinderance to them, not me. I'm game to find out what happens if they will.
So where do I go from here? Because I am not as conservative as others (that creative mind) the dating services may not be able to render what I'm looking for...the same and someone who will understand me.
Any other suggestions? help! I don't want to reach that 45 mark in November to discover that I am undateable...I want to strike while the iron is hot!
a little tamed rock n roller,
(Name Withheld)
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Posted by Wed May 13, 2009 9:32pm PDT
Report AbuseWell I feel like I just read my own story!! I am 43, single for 12 years 2 older kids living at home! I have dated and failed miserably a few times so far. It seems like I am happier being single because I dont have all that "relationship drama" to deal with. We all have issues or some baggage at this age. Kids, ex's, money problems... whatever. I am at a point in my life where i just want to have FUN! no big agenda! I cant seem to find a guy that gets it! Sure I would like to fall head over heels in love but, I am not doing it with the first guy that comes along. Ive been told a few things about my relax and have some fun attitude (and Im not talking sex here) .. Im too "wild"(?) Im not 'wild" enough??? or there is an initial spark then I never get past the second date. I dont know? thats why I dont really get worried about it.. I dont need another person to make me feel like a whole person. I guess that freaks some guys out?
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Posted by Thu May 14, 2009 8:39am PDT
Report AbuseThanks, everyone, for the feedback!
Lisa and Jillian - I think we were separated at birth!! haha
Vincent - nice to get a man's perspective - and I agree "settling" is the kiss of death for happiness - which is why I think we're all left scratching our heads as to what to do at this stage of the game. I think we all have a clear idea of what we DON'T want.
Stay strong people!
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Posted by Thu May 14, 2009 8:51am PDT
Report AbusePS - Josie - you are an inspiration!!!! Best of luck to you and your new beau!
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