Is He Boyfriend Potential? Does He Have Issues? Here’s How (and When) You’ll Find Out

From the Community…

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  Posted by another hockey fan Mon Nov 23, 2009 1:50pm PST

  "A guy who really likes you won’t want to scare you off."

  Yes. And the part about finding time to spend with you no matter what. If he's interested and sees potential for anything beyond a one night stand, he will find the time and more than likely do the pursuing...

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  Posted by Sen10r Gurl Mon Nov 23, 2009 2:59pm PST

  Hey, I need advice.

  There's this boy, we dated in February & then broke up in June.

  We want to get back together, but my parents have a problem with it.

  My question is, how do I negotiate this situation, so that they will give us, or him, another try?

  Thanks,

  -Josie-

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  Posted by anh Mon Nov 23, 2009 10:11pm PST

  "I don't know what I want"; "my ex cheated on me, but I'm not mad at her because she didn't know what she wanted". (And then, even if he 'didn't know what he wanted', didn't hesitate to start touching you sexually, say that's how he would know, and get the old "oxytocin bonding" thing going with you...and deny frustrating you that way.)

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  Posted by Chrysalis Tue Nov 24, 2009 7:13am PST

  This is so true. As soon as a guy starts making up reasons to spend less time with you no matter how valid the reasons are, it's over for you. Men know how to go after what they want, and they are extremely adept at pursing their own interests. So ladies, don't go around being too accommodating and understanding. Know what you want, and then don't settle for less. Being single is not so bad. There are many unhappily married women who wish they had the opportunity to go back and be single again.

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  Posted by None Tue Nov 24, 2009 10:56am PST

  DISAGREE with your stance on: If a guy says, “I travel for work. A LOT,” he’s not reminding you to renew your passport so you can accompany him the next time he has a conference in Beijing. A guy who really likes you won’t want to scare you off. A guy who REALLY likes you will do what it takes to spend time with you AND tell you the truth & what life will be like with him. Doctors, lawyers, etc their jobs come first, and I don't think it is selfish, I think it is selfish when they want kids, BUT, as a woman I totally understand it, and respect it, my career is very important to me, and love shouldn't mean giving up something you worked so hard for........I rather have the truth than something keep being avoided to come out when you are married thinking it will change. You can never find out all the issues, people are unpredictable, all hold secrets, BUT, you have to lay the main deal breakers out in the table to see if you can compromise or accept it, otherwise you are just living in Candy Land.

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  Posted by Nose Tue Nov 24, 2009 6:08pm PST

  True true true. The first date I had with this man that I had an on off relationship with for 6 yrs, told me about how he spent 10 yrs on and off in a mental hospital. And how he witnessed the result of a grisly murder of which he was a suspect of. OK, so he didn't try an murder me, but he really had serious mental problems which affected our relationship for 6 yrs. I was the one who adapted to him and therefore ended up putting up with such sh!t which nearly killed me out of stress (that's murder of another kind). I should've taken his first talk as a warning and ran away then.

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  Posted by Robert Wed Nov 25, 2009 12:44am PST

  You should wait at least a year before you start thinking is he a potential bf.

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  Posted by Chrysalis Wed Nov 25, 2009 6:34am PST

  Excellent idea, Robert. I could not agree more. We must always remember that people will be on their best behavior in the early stages of a relationship as they want something from you. It takes a lot of sussing out to find out what a person's true motives are. Just because a man takes you to nice places and buys you nice things does not mean he thinks of you in the long term or as a long-term partner. Watch for the signs. Does he introduce you to friends and family? Is he forthcoming about his life and make an effort to incorporate you into it?...And I'm not talking about weekend rendezvous either.

  A man can really like you as a person and have fun with you, but he may not see you as compatible for the future. There is a huge difference. Also if you are good looking, don't forget the sex factor. The man in your life may love having sex with you, but not intend to make you his wife.

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  Posted by Devin Wed Nov 25, 2009 7:13am PST

  My bf told me he'd never been in a relationship for longer than 2 months...That should have screamed "Hello, I'm a red flag." 6 months into our relationship and this has been the most effort I've ever put into a relationship EVER.

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  Posted by Various (depending on who you talk to) Wed Nov 25, 2009 10:03am PST

  So...as per Robert and Joshua...wait at least a year to sleep with the guy you want to be in a relationship with to avoid just a being a f***buddy. Got it!

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