How would you determine a real love in to a fantasy? In this
modern days its very easy to find a mate on the net provided you
should use common sense and a lot of patience.
oh my love = oh my cyber love The Internet has its share of love
and heartache. With so many people using the Internet, chances are
great that you will find your mate, provided you use common sense,
a lot of patience, and a willingness to take a budding online
relationship into the real world. In this advance age more and more
singles are turning to the internet for more dating
opportunities.Talk show hype over cyberspace love encounters and
the recent movie You’ve Got Mail have popularized the romantic
potential of the Internet. The process of an online relationship,
however, is very different from real time dating processes. The
online environment is, by its very nature, restrictive. For new
Internet users, the online culture shock can be daunting. Learning
to communicate on the Internet is the first obstacle for newbies.
Emoticons such as :-), LOL, and are used liberally to express
emotion, and can be like learning a foreign language. The rules are
different online as well. There are protocols to follow in chat
rooms; for example, to avoid accidentally offending others, sarcasm
must be spelled out. Devoid of body language and intonation, the
typed word is the only way to get the message across Another
noticeable inconvenience, especially for women, is the seemingly
endless number of chatters who want casual "cyber sex."
This affront discourages many new chat users from returning, and
also perpetuates the image of the Internet being "dirty."
These cyber sex hound-offenders are attracted to the anonymity of
the Internet. Where else can they act so rudely without getting
caught? However, all novice chat users are mesmerized to some
degree by the extreme anonymity and fantasy potential the Internet
provides. Often, the user eventually realizes the sensitivity
needed to interact with others – a transition is made from relating
to the computer to relating to other people online. Often, this
transition is coupled with an event that brings about this reality
– such as "falling in love" with a fantasy and dealing
with the reality that follows, meeting a chat partner face to face,
or realizing that careless actions have hurt another person. Once
this transition occurs, the chat user suffers a period of
disillusionment, and then chooses to continue chat use – now wiser
and kinder, or abandons Internet chat altogether. Identity
experimentation also complicates the Internet dating arena. Not all
identity experimentation is intentional. Some Internet users
involved in online romances describe their relationship in these
terms: "I’m a different person when I’m with him
[online]" or "I’m happy and confident when we are talking
online. I’m not like that any other time." These feelings
might be incorrectly attributed to the relationship’s success, when
the reality is that behavior has been altered through subconscious
self-exploration. Once these relationships move off line, they
often wane, since the magic (and the altering of identity) cannot
be maintained without the online illusion Another complication of
Internet dating is the use of the Internet as an escape. The
Internet can become a fantastic and unreal world. Online, we are
who we say we are, if only for a few hours. This escape from
reality, however, makes online dating more difficult. Trish, a
friend of a friend, ruined a potential relationship because fantasy
caused her to be dishonest. Trish met a man online, and the online
relationship quickly blossomed into an intense, intimate encounter.
She had lied in the beginning of the relationship by understating
her own weight by 150 pounds. When he asked for her picture a week
later, she worried about her lie, and sent a picture of a slimmer
woman instead. In her mind, however, he would come to accept her
physically once he fell in love with her soul. A few weeks passed,
and the relationship intensified. He arranged to fly to meet her.
She felt confident that her lie would be forgiven if she confessed
in person. However, the woman he met was nothing physically that
she had led him to imagine. He walked away angrily and refused to
speak to her again. Distraught, Trish blamed society’s focus on
beauty, not willing to realize that she had betrayed him by
misrepresenting herself. Relationship expert John Gray identifies
the five stages of dating in his book Mars and Venus on a Date.
Stage one: attraction. In stage one of dating, we experience our
initial attraction to a potential partner. The challenge in this
first stage is to make sure you get the opportunity to express that
attraction and get to know a potential partner. Stage two:
uncertainty. In stage two, we experience a shift from feeling
attraction to feeling uncertain that our partner is right for us.
The challenge in this stage is to recognize this uncertainty as
normal and not be swayed by it. […] Without an understanding of
this stage, it is too easy for a man to drift from one partner to
another and for a woman to make the mistake of pursuing a man more
than he is pursuing her. Stage three: exclusivity. In stage three
we feel a desire to date a person exclusively. We want the
opportunity to give and receive love in a special relationship
without competition. […] The danger in this stage is that we become
too comfortable and stop doing the little things that make our
partners feel special. Stage four: intimacy. In stage four we begin
to experience real intimacy. We feel relaxed to let down our guard
and share ourselves more deeply than before. Stage five:
engagement. In stage five, with the certainty that we are with the
person we want to marry, we become engaged. In this stage we have
the opportunity to celebrate our love. (Gray: 1997, 4) In order to
succeed with Internet dating, an online romantic interest should be
seen as a potential dating partner. Once it is established that
there is a potential for a relationship, the focus should shift to
meeting on the phone and then meeting in person. Try to limit
yourself to people within your geographical area; otherwise, you
will face the expense and complications of a long-distance
relationship. Here are some other suggestions for successful online
dating: Be safety and security conscious. Do not readily make
available your name, address, phone and social security number
online. Beware of "players." Not everyone on the Internet
is honest and decent. Be cautious with your safety as well as your
heart. To some people, an online romance is a game. Look for
inconsistencies in what they say, or pressure for you to do
something that you are uncomfortable with. Dishonest is not the
same as anonymous. It is appropriate to remain anonymous online
until you establish mutual trust. However, it is not right to be
dishonest, especially regarding your marital status. Practice
courtesy. Don’t think that the anonymity of the Internet allows you
to be invasive. Demanding to know someone’s weight, age, or sexual
secrets is as rude online as it is off line. Realize that what you
see online isn’t the whole picture. There are many characteristics
that make up a person. Online typing does not afford the experience
of a person’s temperament, work ethic, parenting skills, or bad
breath. Keep everything in perspective and don’t fall in love too
quickly with the person you’ve envisioned. Avoid intimate online
conversations until later. The sense of anonymity frees individuals
to speak more frankly than they would in person. However, a
relationship should progress at a comfortable pace. If you confess
all your inner secrets to your new online lover, you might later
regret it during your first face-to-face encounter. Don’t make
hasty commitments. "Love at first type" is romantic, but
not always realistic. Take your time and do it right. Consider free
online dating web sites. Most of these are divided into major
cities or geographical areas, increasing the chance of finding the
right person locally. Also, because there is more of an expectation
to meet in real time, there are fewer lurkers. However, as with
dating services, you must contend with candidates with
less-than-noble motives. Always be aware. Make friends. You will
certainly meet many people that aren’t right for you, but they are
still interesting. The Internet is a great place to make friends.
Meet early. Once you like someone online and they like you,
progress to a real time meeting. Until you hit it off on all
levels, keep your options open. When you meet in real time (RT),
play it safe. Remember that you are meeting a stranger. Opt for
public places, such as a restaurant. Or consider bringing along a
friend.
