This is going to sound like a mantra spewed from way left field—but are orgasms the enemy?
Have we been duped? Do those blissful 10 seconds sign us up for a lifetime of crankiness, despair and anxiety? Would the pharmaceutical industry experience a huge decline if we just settled for sex sans the big O?
Marnia Robinson, author of Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships thinks so.
Yes, sir. Robinson has spent years studying "ancient sacred-sex prescriptions" and the verdict is in—orgasms are worthless. Fun in the moment, but not conducive for humans in the long-term. Stay away from them.
Robinson cites the ancient Taoists and their use of "angelic dual cultivation." Angelic dual cultivation (we already dislike this) is a form of orgasm-less lovemaking that is meant to unite "spirit with spirit, mind with mind." Read: The Hands-Free Orgasm
Instead of smashing one's sex organs together in hopes of getting off, this "angelic dual cultivation" is a sweeter, slower, more sensual act that doesn't focus on an ending. Probably because there is no ending without orgasm. Well, perhaps blue balls, but that's another post altogether.
The Yale- and Brown-educated scholar writes:
Despite its glorious pleasures, orgasm whips up inner turbulence—without our awareness. Indeed a Dutch scientist reported that brain scans of people having orgasm resemble those of people shooting heroin. However, just like a drug high, this temporary infusion of feel-good neurochemicals at climax does not last... This neurochemical roller coaster ride (or "passion cycle") typically creates unnecessary turbulence for up to two weeks—although most of us certainly will not connect any wobbles in perception with the great sex that caused them. At most we realize that we, or more likely, our partner, seems irritable, over-sensitive, defensive, unforgiving, apathetic, unloving, clingy, hyperactive, or whatever.
All because of orgasms! Ladies, propose this No Orgasm rule tonight. In the name of the ancient Taoists. Sure, you may notice an increase in "irritable, over-sensitive, defensive, unforgiving, apathetic, unloving, clingy, hyperactive" behavior, but at least you'll know it isn't from an orgasm. One of those dirty, druggy orgasms.
Robinson says she and her husband have been happily (according to her) without a climax for eight years now. She says her current relationship is bereft of the "unsettling dramas" of their previous relationships and this kind of sex is totally working for them. Read: Spiritual Sex: 10 Erotic Commandments
While we're 100 percent in favor of sensual sex, we fear we're too far down the rabbit hole of the big O. We'd rather view an orgasm as one of life's eternal treats. And take up kick boxing as a way to quell our aggression, if there's any, afterward.
More Relationship Advice & Tips from YourTango.com:
- Can You Orgasm From Intercourse Alone?
- Orgasm In a Bottle
- Orgasm for An Hour (Yes, We're Serious)
- 10 Hobbies To Increase Your Sex Appeal
- How To Please Yourself "Down There"
Written by Melissa Noble for YourTango.com
