Is taking the man's last name becoming outdated?

From the Community…

• 
  Posted by erica Mon Jun 23, 2008 3:42pm PDT

  I been married for over a year, and I have yet to change my last name. I must admit that I have thought over it several times, but I cannot bring myself to acutally do it. I am my own person, therefore, I do not find how changing my last name is really necessary. My husband has asked me several times. I think he just wants me to do it because it empowers him. I think that men think that by us taking their last names, makes us their property. And if I were to change it (which I doubt) it would be for my son who does carry his last name.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by Beth Mon Jun 23, 2008 4:04pm PDT

  I don't think I would take the guys last name. It's just way too much hassel. Besides, it's my name...not his so I can do what I want with it hehe. My boyfriend was actually deadset on changing his to mine if we ever got married.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by Aurora Mon Jun 23, 2008 4:05pm PDT

  yes, if/when i get married, i dont think i will take my husbands last name. i like my own name and i dont see any reason to change it. although, a lot of guys like it if you do.. but i don't think its necessary anymore.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by Mon Jun 23, 2008 4:10pm PDT

  I don't doubt that the changing of a women's last name has come from egotistical men that consider it a ownership rather than a partnership. If you don't want to change your last name than make that clear at the beginning of the relationship. Spare any confusion of identity or misleading info on your future partner. Honesty helps even though it is a total double standard because men are never honest. For those women who think that they have an honest man look at him straight in the eyes and see a master at work. Every one lies I don't care what you say. The more you deny it the more of an acting career you should have taken on. I see a lot of Grammy winners.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by aspeneyes Mon Jun 23, 2008 4:15pm PDT

  Interesting, I have seen most young women recently change their name. It's nice to see you didn't. I got married 29 years ago and was very adamant that I would not change my name (this dated back to when I was 13 years old and said I thought it was stupid to change my name....particularly since I liked it). My spouse didn't give a crud, he rather liked the idea that I was keeping my name. However, everyone else in the family thought I was a complete lunatic. They had the mistaken notion that you "HAD" to change your name and that it was legally required. So, I headed on down to the county court house with my dad to "prove" to them that there was no legal requirment to change your name. Sure enough, they found out that the awoman has to go through the process to change her name and it is not automatically done for her when she marries.

  When it came time to deal with the IRS for tax purposes it took them 2 years to understand and figure out that my husband and I were married. Then after that, we had no problems.

  The other argument I got from folks back then was that by me not changing my name to my husbands that it would "confuse" any children we might have. Well, that was a load of hogwash for sure. My kids think it is great, and have always supported that I kept my name. They tell me how they think it is awesome. Their last name is their dad's last name.

  I really don't understand why women want to give up their names. But different strokes for different folks. I had the strong belief that giving up my name was like giving up "me", and that it was a bit of a power trip for men. I have never regretted to this day my decision to keep my name..it really just isn't a big deal.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by fools_and_sages Mon Jun 23, 2008 4:16pm PDT

  Some women can't change their name for professional reasons. If you're in a profession where you need to publish or your name is everything to your reputation, then you cannot change it when you marry. I know women who have had their careers go into the toilet when they changed their names because people assumed they had left the company. I know of one who is an academic and has published things under her maiden name and her married name and most people who do not know her assume the articles were written by two different scholars.

  If professional women hyphenate, they can satisfy their own professional needs as well as any desire she may have to take her husband's name (or any pressure she receives form him to do it). Even then, the woman has to have different categories on her resume for each name she has used. For example, there would be a category for "Articles published as Mary Smith" and "Articles published as "Mary Smith-Brown" and she would have to do this for everything she has ever done. It's like maintaining a resume within a resume. So, it's easier for professional women not to change their names.

  Beyond hyphenating, there are other ways to deal with the name change issue. I have another friend who uses her maiden name professionally and legally. However, she is known by her husband's name socially. I know a couple who combined their last names and they both changed their names. Her last name was Smith. His was Hart. They became the Smitharts. The combination thing only works when you have compatible names, though. Can you imagine having the last name Butz and marrying somebody with the last name of Fuchs (pronounced so it sounds like Fukes) . . . but still. . right?

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by Charity Mon Jun 23, 2008 4:20pm PDT

  I'm married and proudly took my husband's last name. I don't know why a woman would not take the last name of the man she CHOSE, but keep instead the last name of a parent she did NOT chose. However I understand why some women keep their own last names especially when she is well established in her business/work/etc.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by MyaDee Mon Jun 23, 2008 4:24pm PDT

  I liked, and still do like, my maiden name, but I didn't want to have a different last name than my kids. And hyphenating 2 last names that end in -son was not a good idea.

  My mom changed her name for the same reason I did. And when I was in school the kids who's moms didn't change there names were always having to tell people that they were not on their second marriage, or they would have to explain to the Administration why their name was different. It caused security issues.

  For me, it was just easier to change my last name. And my husband is still honored that I chose to do that.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by daytripper Mon Jun 23, 2008 6:00pm PDT

  I'm 23 and have been in a serious relationship for going on 2 years. A couple of months ago, we bought a ring (he has it and will surprise me with it whenever he wants. I'm patient, as much as I cannot wait to become his wife). Growing up, I thought changing your name was a given. Now a part of me actually needs to give it some thought. Right now I'm 95% sure I'll change my name. As much as I have a strong connection to my maiden name, taking his name as mine would demonstrate ANOTHER strong connection and begin a new chapter in our lives. However, HE has even said "You know, you don't have to change it." I'm truly appreciative he said that, genuinely and unprovoked.

  I write. If I ever publish, I will be using my maiden name, as my creative energies are connected to that name. I credit my creativity as coming from my father's side of my family anyhow. Haven't told Joe that yet, but publishing would be a longshot anyhow.

  Know what would be cool? If when people got married, they could even MAKE UP their own surname together. To jointly CHOOSE a name. The whole family name thing was made up centuries ago more because children and women were viewed as property, and to keep track of the population. Now both those points are moot.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by piper Mon Jun 23, 2008 6:12pm PDT

  I kept my maiden name at work... that is who I am and what I have accomplished professionally and personally such as degree and certifications.

  As a mother, I have the same last name as my husband and child. I am part of a family that we created and to the world that doesn't necessarily need to know anything else except that I am part of this family unit. I love my married name and my maiden name. They are both very important and they both reflect who I am. The only snag I sometimes hit is that I will occasionally sign my married name at work.

  Report Abuse