Love + Sex

Monday, December 14, 2009

Is taking the man's last name becoming outdated?

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Have you heard about MissNowMrs.com yet? It's a new service that provides forms and letters to make changing everything from driver's licenses to voter registration cards a breeze for new brides who are taking their husbands' name (for a fee of $30, of course). I was going to send the link to some just married ladies I know, but then I realized, none of them actually changed their names. Which brings up the question: Why does anyone bother to change their last name at all?

The women I know who chose not to change their last names did so for both personal and professional reasons and just plain, "old-fashioned" convenience. When all the people in your work community know you as one name, why change it and endure getting all the new business cards, email address, re-introductions to contacts, etc? Especially for the self-employed and freelancers who are a company of "one," some feel that changing their name could in some ways, intrude upon their brand identity, (not to mention their own sense of self). And speaking of those notions of self, can the idea of taking a man's last name coexist within the psyche of the postmodern/postfeminism/modern progressive feminist?

Then again, there are now a small percentage of grooms who actually take their wives last name, as a symbol of unity and respect, and there are always the compromises of hyphenation, for example. What do you think? How important is it to you (or not), and why?

SEE ALSO: "Why I didn't change my name when I got married"
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Comments 11-20 of 237
  • S. M.'s Avatar
    Posted by S. M. Mon Jun 23, 2008 6:22pm PDT

    When I get married, I'll either keep my last name or we'll BOTH hyphenate our names. What's fair is fair.

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  • monty2209128's Avatar
    Posted by monty2209128 Mon Jun 23, 2008 6:51pm PDT

    I think the hyphenation combo is a good idea; however, as long as both parties know their place, who cares?

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  • laura j's Avatar
    Posted by laura j Mon Jun 23, 2008 7:04pm PDT

    My best friend is getting married next year and she doesn't want to take his name, but hyphen his name onto the end of hers. He of course is not happy with this and sees it as a sign of disprespect if she is willing to become his wife, but not take his name. I feel she should do what she want.

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  • DR E's Avatar
    Posted by DR E Mon Jun 23, 2008 7:39pm PDT

    You know after reading all of the comments from you ladies... I want to ask... why even get married? I mean is it really necessary... Is not changing your name been the custom of marrage for centuries. So is the custom of marrage. I sure see a lot of "me" in your comments. What about "us". IT is not a sense of ownership.... it is a sense of commitment. and its not just on your part. think about it... now this man has a woman in his life who has his name. I wonder what would happen if your husband-to-be told you that they really did not want you to take their name... It's just their personal preference that you not have there name. Nothing against you of course. Its just that they would prefer you just to keep your name and the world not obviously know that you are married to me. That is the result isn't it. No matter what your "motivation" is.

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  • SherE143's Avatar
    Posted by SherE143 Mon Jun 23, 2008 7:50pm PDT

    I don't really see it as a sign of inferiority or being "owned" by him if you take your guy's last name. I like the idea of keeping my last name professionally, but socially having my fiance's last name. I love being my own person, yet knowing I belong to someone gives me a sense of contentment. It's more important on the way your husband treats you and the way your marriage is going anyway.

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  • Y's Avatar
    Posted by Y Mon Jun 23, 2008 10:10pm PDT

    I feel that what ever name you want and it's not causing any problems take or keep the name you have. Take my name for example I changed it to one letter "Y" now I will not mind if my new wife change her last name or not, we still are in love and have the love for each other and not the name. You make the name, and not the other way around.

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  • C's Avatar
    Posted by C Tue Jun 24, 2008 5:29am PDT

    Its the same as so many other arguments (stay at home vs. return to work after children): its a choice that a man and woman have to make and live with, and it isn't up to any onlookers. Nor is it any onlooker's business.

    Four years later, I've transitioned to using only my married name professionally, instead of either a hyphenated or using both. (Hyphenated sounded really bizarre in our case, the names just didn't flow right) I've always been Mrs. Married Name socially, but there are cases where even that doesn't work (a friend of mine's first name rhymes with her husbands last name. Um, "how cute?"? Not so much.)

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  • Beth's Avatar
    Posted by Beth Tue Jun 24, 2008 5:44am PDT

    DR E, I have already thought about that. I think Marriage is overrated to begin with. Plus I don't think it's right for me to get married if this country still bans other people who love eachother from the right to marriage. That's why I answered the question in a hypothetical way.

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  • KEL1025's Avatar
    Posted by KEL1025 Tue Jun 24, 2008 6:25am PDT

    I AM GETTING MARRIED IN LESS THAN A YEAR AND I DO PLAN ON TAKING MY FIANCES LAST NAME. IT IS JUST RESPECTFUL TO ME AS A MARRIED COUPLE. I FEEL NOT ONLY IS IT TRADITION, BUT A WAY TO LET EVERYONE KNOW THAT WE ARE NOT JUST INDIVIDUAL PEOPLE BUT "ONE" MARRIED UNION NOW. I LOVE THE IDEA AND REALLY CANT WAIT TO HAVE MY LAST NAME ADDED TO MY CURRENT NAME!

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  • AllieCat's Avatar
    Posted by AllieCat Tue Jun 24, 2008 7:13am PDT

    I'm 100% sure that when I get married, I'll be taking my husband's last name - no ifs, ands, or buts.

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