Love + Sex

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Is taking the man's last name becoming outdated?

Getty Images

Getty Images


Have you heard about MissNowMrs.com yet? It's a new service that provides forms and letters to make changing everything from driver's licenses to voter registration cards a breeze for new brides who are taking their husbands' name (for a fee of $30, of course). I was going to send the link to some just married ladies I know, but then I realized, none of them actually changed their names. Which brings up the question: Why does anyone bother to change their last name at all?

The women I know who chose not to change their last names did so for both personal and professional reasons and just plain, "old-fashioned" convenience. When all the people in your work community know you as one name, why change it and endure getting all the new business cards, email address, re-introductions to contacts, etc? Especially for the self-employed and freelancers who are a company of "one," some feel that changing their name could in some ways, intrude upon their brand identity, (not to mention their own sense of self). And speaking of those notions of self, can the idea of taking a man's last name coexist within the psyche of the postmodern/postfeminism/modern progressive feminist?

Then again, there are now a small percentage of grooms who actually take their wives last name, as a symbol of unity and respect, and there are always the compromises of hyphenation, for example. What do you think? How important is it to you (or not), and why?

SEE ALSO: "Why I didn't change my name when I got married"
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From the Community…

Comments 221-230 of 237
  • Em's Avatar
    Posted by Em Mon Jun 30, 2008 9:40pm PDT

    I love my last name, and I knew even before I got married that I would never change it. But chosing to take or leave your last name is a very personal thing. For me, I was that person for a lot longer than I'd known my husband, and it was part of who I was, so I didn't ever want to change it. Also, I live in Japan and my husband is Japanese. Legally, if you are Japanese and you get married, you HAVE to change your last name to your husband's. Fortunately, I am not, so was spared that. A lot of women keep their maiden name professionally, even though they are legally changed to their husband's last name. If I had a Japanese last name, it would cause a lot of confusion when people found out I wasn't Japanese. Also, I have a good friend who has been with her boyfriend for over 30 years because she doesn't want to have to change her last name. Apparently the law will change soon, but she said that until it does, they won't get married. She is the last person in her family, and she doesn't want to lose her family name. I think if I ever had kids, they would have my husband's last name--I don't mind about that. The nicest thing I ever heard though, was an old classmate of mine who combined his last name with his wife's to create a new family name, since they were starting a new family. I agree with whoever said earlier about if you plan on keeping your last name, let the guy know from the beginning. My brother said he would never marry someone who wouldn't take his last name. A bit old-fashioned, but hey.

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  • bpmanicdep's Avatar
    Posted by bpmanicdep Mon Jun 30, 2008 11:57pm PDT

    i am from old school i suppose, but i found it to be so exciting to take my husbands last name. we are divorced now, but i did keep his last name rather than changing mine back. i was my parents daughter therefore i had their last name, i married and i was proud to take my husbands last name. even though we are divorced, that is who i am. but again, i am from old school, todays women are seeking other paths in their professional lives. taking on a man's name and changing theirs may complicate so many things that i may not be aware of. i say to each his own. i feel it is a personal choice.

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  • __A_YAHOO_USER__'s Avatar
    Posted by __A_YAHOO_USER__ Tue Jul 1, 2008 2:05pm PDT

    I will definitely be changing my last name. I hav very traditional views.

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  • Alisha's Avatar
    Posted by Alisha Mon Jul 7, 2008 12:09am PDT

    I think it's the womans choice ... I had several aunts who kept theirs and I understand the reasons ... but as for myself that was one the best parts ... I love having the same last name as my hubby ... It makes me feel closer.

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  • ~mahgan~'s Avatar
    Posted by ~mahgan~ Mon Apr 27, 2009 2:35pm PDT

    I took my husbands last name, out of respect for him and our cultural beliefs but we both realized how much I've accomplished with my maiden name so without the hyphen i've taken my last name & his last name. I sign all documents with his last name but when it comes to situations that i need to still be recognized as my maiden name, i choose both. :) works for me!

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Comments 221-230 of 237

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