Is the term Cougar truly insulting to older women in relationships with younger men?

Is the term Cougar truly insulting to older women in relationships with younger men?

I’ve seen a lot of recent debates regarding older or middle aged women being called ‘Cougars’ for having a relationship with a younger man. The two basic reactions I see are; 1) the term is insulting because it implies that the woman is a predator, and 2) why aren’t older men who date younger women called something similar?

Here are my thoughts!

First of all, it’s true that society seems to feel unfairly or hypocritically differently about age gap relationships between the genders. But I feel that pointing to the male gender in this situation can be a bit evasive. Evasion is a form of manipulation, depending on how it’s introduced, and I typically find manipulative people to have suspect character.

What concerns me more are the reactions suggesting an unfair predator-like aspect to the term ‘cougar’. Ultimately, I don’t like the term because it’s childish name-calling. But if a person is behaving as a predator, then they’re a predator. If they’re not behaving as a predator, then they’re not a predator. When it comes to interpersonal, professional, family, intimate, or any form of relationship, there’s often some degree of predation or covert self-serving behavior involved.

When it comes to relational preferences, many people tend to withhold the root reasons why their preferences are as they are. Is that unreasonable? In the presence of strangers, no, I really don’t think so. But between two people who express their love for each other, then I feel it’s grossly abusive to withhold why one’s attractions are as they are because when a person does this, they’re denying their partner a true version of themselves.

Regarding age gap relationships; if the older person has always dated much younger partners, then ‘just because’ doesn’t validate their attractions as such. But I think you’d be hard-pressed to ever get an older person to admit their attractions to much younger people being rooted in their need to dominate and control while thinking doing so is easier with younger partners. But if this happens to be the truth of why a person specifically seeks younger partners, then I feel they’re behaving as a predator.

So in my opinion, if an older woman happens to meet a younger man and they develop a healthy, loving, meaningful, and sincere relationship, then a relationship as such it is. But if such a woman is actually acting on predatory influences or urges, then I absolutely feel that she meets the criteria of a social predator and a dangerous woman. I feel the exact same way about older guys seeking younger women.

Since I first started studying character disorders, it’s always impressed me how some people immediately jump to the defensive when predatory and maladaptive behaviors are addressed. And this is where I just love this expression; when you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, the dog that barks the loudest is the dog that got hit. If you pay close attention to detail, you will typically start noticing suspect or toxic or dysfunctional behavior from such ‘dogs’ showing through. And simply put, these people are typically dangerous choices for potential partners.

Wishing everyone a beautiful day!

Peace, Love and Harmony,,, Shawn