Love + Sex
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Is there anything wrong with snooping?
user
Okay, I’ll admit it, I’m a snooper. I snoop in my kids email, cell phone logs, computer history, rooms and backpacks, and occasionally take a peek into my husband’s wallet and cellphone call/text log. True, I work as a professional investigator, but I don’t think that has anything to do with it. I think I snoop because I have a constant need to be on top of every situation all the time. With my kids, I simply like to monitor their friends, conversations, and activities so that I won’t have too many surprises down the road. With my husband, however, it’s a whole nother ballgame.
The truth of the matter is I’ve been the victim of infidelity in the past and don’t EVER want to be blindsided like that again. Does that give me a license to snoop hence forth and forever more? Sure it does. In my opinion, once someone betrays trust in a relationship, they forfeit their right to a blanket expectation of privacy. Now, I’m not suggesting that it’s okay to do a complete cavity search every day upon his arrival home from work, but I do believe that I am entitled to an occasional sneak peek into the coat pocket every now and again. Perhaps this is a testament to my inability to forgive or move past prior transgressions, or maybe I just need reassurance from time to time that everything is cool on the home front. But for whatever reason… I am a snooper.
So my question is, is it wrong to snoop, especially when there is no outward indication that something is wrong? Is snooping a sign of insecurity or immaturity, or do spouses/parents have an incontestable right to look anywhere, anytime they want to, as long as they're prepared to handle what they find?
I’d appreciate opinions from both snoopers and non-snoopers alike.
Danine Manette
Ultimate Betrayal
Related: snooping, relationships, parenting, investigating, insecurity, infidelity, cheating, affairs
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Posted by FrancesS Fri Sep 19, 2008 7:25am PDT
I am asnooper also I have a recorder and I told him so! I thought he would leave but he didn't.
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Posted by FrancesS Fri Sep 19, 2008 7:29am PDT
ALL you girls who dont't snoop,are getting tricked!If he knows he can tell you anything ,he will.
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Posted by CuthbertC Thu Sep 25, 2008 1:45pm PDT
I am a confirmed snooper. A few years ago, I discovered my wife had a secret email account, and I was curious as to what she might be saying on it. I guessed the password, and found out she was really unhappy with the marriage and wanted to divorce me! That information was a wake-up call for me, and prompted me to really change my ways so that she would reconsider. It was also helpful because I saw her reasons for being unhappy - so I was able to address each one, rather than just trying a scattershot approach to turning things around.
I also found inconclusive evidence that she might have had something going on with an ex-boyfriend. It turned out she had not had an affair, although she had developed feelings for him at one time. Even after we "reconnected", I felt the need to keep an eye on her email for awhile to satisfy myself that nothing was going on... but by doing so, I was able to satisfy myself that nothing had happened, and that went a long way toward helping me overcome the pain involved. (It also allowed me to see that she was truly optimistic about our future together.)
After a while, she started asking me what had prompted my changes. Why was I suddenly so attentive? At this point, I was really afraid of rocking the boat - things were going great between us - but I wanted to be honest with her... so I admitted I'd snooped her email account, and braced myself for her anger. But, to my surprise... she was not angry at all!
Turns out that while we were withdrawn from each other, and she was unhappy, she'd been snooping on me, too, looking in my briefcase, etc. I can't blame her, I used to lie to her about our finances, and she felt she couldn't trust me. I wouldn't have trusted me, either.
Generally, when it comes to infidelity, I think each spouse has the absolute right to snoop on the other if they have reason to suspect adultery. An affair affects both partners, and it is only right that both partners know the truth about what is going on in their marriage. And if one partner is deceitfully engaging in infidelity, the other will have to do whatever they can to get to the truth.
Anyway, I can definitely say that snooping saved my marriage!
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Posted by SHANELL Tue Oct 21, 2008 9:43pm PDT
hello ladies i need some advice me and my husaband seperated for 2yrs becuase we were just not getting along at all we had alot of people such as he's family always in are bussiness and alot to do with him being a mommas boy still it just wore and tore on are relationship,but turing the two yrs we still were sleeping with each other but i had found out that he was going out with anther women,so when i found out i did me,anyway we resently got back together went to counsling and everything has been cool so far he's been home about 2mos now but i started snooping like when he's in the shower i go threw his phone and i find things out that makes me made like i know he has female friends but i feel that he should not talk to that some female and i brought it up and we got in to it cause he didnt like the fact that i went threw he's phone and he's now saying that me not trusting him is going to put use back were we where before so we talk and settled every thing but yet i still go threw it and i even went threw he's wallet before ,so is it wrong that im doing that?can some one please give some advice here so i can get anther womens point of veiw so i an ease my mind a little.thanks
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Posted by Annie Sun Dec 6, 2009 8:34am PST
Yes, I snoop. I snooped for a year on my husband while we were on assignment in China and I collected three cell phones that are filled with sex messages, hand written notes, sex cards, etc. I sometimes wonder how things would have been if I had not snooped. But, ultimately I am glad I did. I have also snooped on my 18 year old son...thankfully I interupted some serious stuff that was going on in his life.
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