Love + Sex
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Is there anything wrong with snooping?
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Okay, I’ll admit it, I’m a snooper. I snoop in my kids email, cell phone logs, computer history, rooms and backpacks, and occasionally take a peek into my husband’s wallet and cellphone call/text log. True, I work as a professional investigator, but I don’t think that has anything to do with it. I think I snoop because I have a constant need to be on top of every situation all the time. With my kids, I simply like to monitor their friends, conversations, and activities so that I won’t have too many surprises down the road. With my husband, however, it’s a whole nother ballgame.
The truth of the matter is I’ve been the victim of infidelity in the past and don’t EVER want to be blindsided like that again. Does that give me a license to snoop hence forth and forever more? Sure it does. In my opinion, once someone betrays trust in a relationship, they forfeit their right to a blanket expectation of privacy. Now, I’m not suggesting that it’s okay to do a complete cavity search every day upon his arrival home from work, but I do believe that I am entitled to an occasional sneak peek into the coat pocket every now and again. Perhaps this is a testament to my inability to forgive or move past prior transgressions, or maybe I just need reassurance from time to time that everything is cool on the home front. But for whatever reason… I am a snooper.
So my question is, is it wrong to snoop, especially when there is no outward indication that something is wrong? Is snooping a sign of insecurity or immaturity, or do spouses/parents have an incontestable right to look anywhere, anytime they want to, as long as they're prepared to handle what they find?
I’d appreciate opinions from both snoopers and non-snoopers alike.
Danine Manette
Ultimate Betrayal
Related: snooping, relationships, parenting, investigating, insecurity, infidelity, cheating, affairs
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Posted by MeganB Thu Jul 31, 2008 9:41am PDT
I'm a snooper too. Infidelity and a betrayal of my trust has happened about 4 times now. Instead of completely leaving I keep at the relationship and have a snooping fest while he's at the store or school. and yes even if there are no outward signs of cheating or something that crosses your comfort zone does not mean it is not happening. the first time I found out about his cheating he had been doing it for an entire year (over IM and forums). so yes go ahead and snoop and if he says something or trys to play the blame game with you jump all over his ass.
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Posted by MochaMama42 Thu Jul 31, 2008 9:55am PDT
I understand you are a natural snooper, however, you will never repair your relationship if you are always thinking in the back of your mind that something is wrong. Let go of your control issues; if he wants to stray again, he will, with or with out you on "Snoop Patrol".
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Posted by spamz Thu Jul 31, 2008 9:56am PDT
what a loser, you have issues.
snooping around like that means you have some underlying mental issues.
i would go see a psychiatrist or something.
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Posted by Ashley Thu Jul 31, 2008 10:22am PDT
That is so wrong!!!! It's such a violation of trust. I can't believe you would do that. Yes it is not only immature, but a huge sign of a paranoid, self-righteous, control freak. How would you feel if you found out someone had been going through all of your things?? Something to hide or not, privacy is a RIGHT, not a privilage!
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Posted by rare b Thu Jul 31, 2008 10:54am PDT
Excuse me all you self righteous folks out there. this is exactly what is wrong with kids these days! not enough parents snooping!! i say hell yeah! you feed them , clothe them , shelter them and responsible for their emotional and psychological well being then to hell with privacy for kids. that is a priviledge not a damn right! i will be on top of my kid day in and out. my dad did it and i was one of the few in my group who never got pregnant, had an abortion, or had rumours spread about me anywhere. i appreciated that when i got older. i never smoked, drank or got in trouble. i say snoop!!! as for your spouse or boyfriend, i have found out my boyfriend still has profiles up on websites all over. he has not been on them since we have been together but its something to keep my eye on, he also has a myspace page with our picture plastered all over. he does not know i have seen these but i will know there is trouble if i see changes or recent activities. i am happy he is proud of us and i trust him but i think it is okay to snoop once in a while. i dont think it has anything to do with trust. he has left his email logged on and i have checked through. it just drove home to me that he is serious and i love him more for that. he has read my emails i dont care. nothing to hide. too many damn skeletons. no wonder people have so many affairs and kids building bombs in garages!!! get over it oh you who believe in great ole privacy!!!!!! better go check whats happening in your garage now.
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Posted by rare b Thu Jul 31, 2008 10:56am PDT
Excuse me all you self righteous folks out there. this is exactly what is wrong with kids these days! not enough parents snooping!! i say hell yeah! you feed them , clothe them , shelter them and responsible for their emotional and psychological well being then to hell with privacy for kids. that is a priviledge not a damn right! i will be on top of my kid day in and out. my dad did it and i was one of the few in my group who never got pregnant, had an abortion, or had rumours spread about me anywhere. i appreciated that when i got older. i never smoked, drank or got in trouble. i say snoop!!! as for your spouse or boyfriend, i have found out my boyfriend still has profiles up on websites all over. he has not been on them since we have been together but its something to keep my eye on, he also has a myspace page with our picture plastered all over. he does not know i have seen these but i will know there is trouble if i see changes or recent activities. i am happy he is proud of us and i trust him but i think it is okay to snoop once in a while. i dont think it has anything to do with trust. he has left his email logged on and i have checked through. it just drove home to me that he is serious and i love him more for that. he has read my emails i dont care. nothing to hide. too many damn skeletons. no wonder people have so many affairs and kids building bombs in garages!!! get over it oh you who believe in great ole privacy!!!!!! better go check whats happening in your garage now.
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Posted by danieln Thu Jul 31, 2008 10:56am PDT
I find that when I have suscpicion it only breeds more of the same. I f I give people the benifit of the doubt usually I won't be disappointed. And will have no problems along worry lines.
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Posted by rare b Thu Jul 31, 2008 10:58am PDT
by the way , what is wrong with someone else in your life knowing everything? should a child have anything to hide from a parent at any point and should a spouse have anything to hide? does that not make for a better , healthier relationship?
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Posted by Jason's Babi-Gurl Thu Jul 31, 2008 11:41am PDT
I'm not here to say that it is right or it is wrong. I snoop. I do feel guilty sometimes... But there was that one time I caught porn on my computer and only me and my fiancee live here. and not only do i snoop, but i have put a stealth keylogger, a parental control and a DNS router on the computer. (I bought it and if he dont like it oh well. Its my comp.) but I have put blocks on there that disable porn sites and dating sites... and the router works on my desk top and my lap top so he cant get on the laptop and have a private session. (The keylogger is handy too cause if you are typing a blog and your computer shuts off or the internet goes out or something, pull up the logger and its all there).... but yes i snoop....
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Posted by mabcosmic Thu Jul 31, 2008 12:49pm PDT
If all the folks really do hate snooping that much, why do they let the government snoop by wiretapping and reading their emails? Think about it. Who is more important, the government or your relationship with your spouse? If you catch your SO emailing some stranger, who is to know if that stranger has a disease they could pass to you by proxy. Snooping is hailed at saving lives on a governmental level, why not use it to save your own health?
Then there's people who think they are too "secure" in themselves to snoop - that is no barrier against HIV or herpes. If your SO cheats then gives it to you, that's baggage you'll deal with the rest of your life no matter how self confident you feel.
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