Is this normal, or is it just oddball me?

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  Posted by Mel Fri May 29, 2009 3:07am PDT

  Would love some advice :(

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  Posted by KittyKat Fri May 29, 2009 3:47am PDT

  He shouldnt even be talking to his exs. Exs are exs for a reason. Try this one I know it sounds wrong but trust me get his email username and password. Although they are innocent you shouldnt worry about that. What you should worry about is the fact that he lied. And a guy that loves you is not supposed to lie to you. I would just worry about confronting him about lying. Put an in to it right then and there. No secrets, no lying. The only time you really need to worrry about his exs are if you sees then like in hanging out with her while you're not around.

  Does this help?

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• 
  Posted by Mel Fri May 29, 2009 4:01am PDT

  I don't want to ask him for his password :( and she's in another country so no hanging out issues there. (i know i know, this gets weirder and weirder).

  you hit the nail on the head, i am cant believe he lied to me. my reasoning is :if it was innocent, why lie about it?!?!

  aah. but i dont want to let him go.

  has this happened to any one of you?

  and kittykat, thanks so much for replying :)

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  Posted by jac Fri May 29, 2009 6:17am PDT

  I tried to be up front and truthful, but it backfired, maybe he thinks what you don't know wont hurt you. I also keep in touch with my ex, but there is nothing between us. Sometimes it's better not to kiss and tell because of issues that come up. Don't look too deep or he might become suspicious of you and will cause problems with your relationship with him.

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  Posted by another hockey fan Fri May 29, 2009 7:51am PDT

  Melissa, I believe he does love you. However, his 100 percent commitment to you is in question. It's one thing if he communicated with his ex once in awhile just to catch up (hey, maybe they were really good friends at one point or had A LOT of history together) but the fact that he told you all those other women in his past were just attempts to get over her and he's STILLl talking to her....hmmm, that sounds like he's "waiting" for her....still. I see you mentioned in a response that she lives in another country. While that's comforting to know, what would it be like if she were in the US?

  You have a few choices. You can continue to have these brooding moments and deal with them privately. Snoop on him which means right there the relationship is over because once you snoop then you don't trust and trust is too huge to ignore. You can end it for your own sanity and see where things end up down the road.

  I might sound like a broken record, but you deserve a man who is emotionally mature and will love ONLY you and not someone who is still emotionally attached to an ex the way he is.

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  Posted by threestepdrop13 Fri May 29, 2009 7:52am PDT

  I think that the way you are feeling happens to alot of people (I know it has me as well). Especialy the whole, if it is little and innocent, then why not be straight up about it. My ex girlfriend used to lie about that type of stuff all the time. She would have guys texting her ALL THE TIME!! and would look me in the face and tell me it was her mother. Her reasoning was, that she thought that if I knew it was texts and emails from other guys, no matter how simple, that it would get under my skin, and she was trying to save me from that bother. Maybe he thinks he is doing the same.

  I would simply ask him to be honest and straight forward, and tell him that as long as he is truthful about their friendship (him and his ex), then it wont bother you. But if you tell him that...you have to not let it bother you. To me it sounds like the bulk of your worries are more about what you don't know. So if he is honest, then you should have nothing more to worry about and just live in the moment.

  Don't listen to Kitty about the whole password thing, that would just push him away...and FAST!!!

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  Posted by Mel Fri May 29, 2009 3:33pm PDT

  threestepdrop,

  thank you so much for your post. it cleared things up a lot. i wasn't comfortable with the asking of passwords either, partly also because i didn't want to come across as the paranoid deluded nut i can become sometimes :) i will wait for a good moment to talk to him about being upfront with me.

  another hockey fan,

  i appreciate your concern, but leaving him is not something i will do unless i am under extreme extreme duress. you know how it is when you feel the centre of your universe is sitting right next to you right? i am madly in love with the guy, and i believe he is too. i just wish he didn't have his past. oh well.

  jac,

  thank you, will try not to let my paranoid self get the better of me.

  you guys are great. perfect strangers, but you took the time to help me out. a big hug.

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