So this is my first blog and I’m kinda nervous
but I need advice so here it goes...
My boyfriend and I have been going out for a little over
a year. I am a senior in high school and he has just
joined the navy. A week before he left for boot camp in august
he started talking very seriously: he ask me if I would say
yes or no when he planned on asking me to marry
him after I was out of high school. I was in total
shock, I had no idea he was planning on asking me to marry him, or
that he thought I would even know the answer right then.
First of all, I don't plan on getting married until after
I'm done with college, have a good job, and have had more than
one serious relationship, but some how he is ready to get married
to me in a year. So I told him that I would say no, that I
wasn't going to even start thinking about marriage until after college, and
he was ok with that. And next he asked me if I would still love him
in a year. I said probably, but how am I suppose to know the
future? And then he asked in two years, and I told him I honestly
don't have a clue.
But now he texts me these little messages about how glad that he
has me and how great are life will be when he is done with the
navy. About how this will be so great for our children, and that
he's going to love growing old with me. He says that he joined
the navy so that me and him will have a stable future
together...
So now I'm just a little confused. Did I not say no, I will not
accept your proposal? Didn't I say that I wasn't sure if I
was still going to be in love with him in a few years? I
don't understand how that equals that we will live happily ever
after together. I have said nothing, or even suggested that I was going to marry him, or have
his kids. These messages really make me uncomfortable and confuse
me. I don't know how to tell him to stop doing this with out
hurting his feelings, which is the last thing I want to do. He is a
great guy, who honestly loves me, and I'm afraid I'm going
to break his heart. And sometimes I feel like I'm all he has
(which he tells me often) because his parents were the farthest
thing from loving and supportive as they can get, and he
hasn't stayed that close with his friends from school since he
has joined the navy...
So my question is, how do I make him understand that we are not
going to live happily ever after without hurting him and ruining
our relationship??? Or is that even possible???
Isn't it Usually the Girl Who Wants the "Happily Ever After"?
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From the Community…
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Posted by Sat Nov 7, 2009 12:54am PST
Report AbuseSo my question to you is, how do you know that you two couldn't live happily ever after? I ask this because I was in your boat 9 years ago and I said no. It did hurt our relationship and now I'm a single mom of two. The last time I talked to the hs sweet heart about 7 months ago I realized that I still did love him and visa versa but he was marrying someone else. Anyways I was like you and pushed the idea away because I wanted college, etc but I wish now I would have just went with it and seen where it went. I could have finished college and still had him in my life, but at the time it didn't seem that way.
My question is, do you really not want him in your life? If not then you need to tell him. If you do, then let him know that you love him but you just can't talk about marriage until you're done with college.
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Posted by Sat Nov 7, 2009 12:54am PST
Report AbuseSo my question to you is, how do you know that you two couldn't live happily ever after? I ask this because I was in your boat 9 years ago and I said no. It did hurt our relationship and now I'm a single mom of two. The last time I talked to the hs sweet heart about 7 months ago I realized that I still did love him and visa versa but he was marrying someone else. Anyways I was like you and pushed the idea away because I wanted college, etc but I wish now I would have just went with it and seen where it went. I could have finished college and still had him in my life, but at the time it didn't seem that way.
My question is, do you really not want him in your life? If not then you need to tell him. If you do, then let him know that you love him but you just can't talk about marriage until you're done with college.
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Posted by Sat Nov 7, 2009 1:51am PST
Report Abusehi. why start something if deep down u know u are not ready for it? Then again it may have seemed like fun at the time. Perhaps it is just panic attacks because he is coming on too strong. Then explain gently to him 2 take it slow. On ur part, do a soul search if u genuinely do care for him or for another. Which ever way, discuss it maturely. A saying goes thus: one does not because of pleasing others, swallow bones.
stella
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Posted by Sat Nov 7, 2009 4:21am PST
Report AbuseThis is about emotions and his lonliness. He also doesn't listen very well. That is a selfish trait. He's listening to what he thinks he wants. He went into the navy for him damn self. The benefits are for him, an the navy was just safer than on the ground in the middle east, with the marines or army. Don't let this cat bully you into nothing!
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