Well, as it traditionally goes, boy meets girl,
they date, fall in love, get married,
have kids, then the fairy tale ending. In my case,
however, I haven't even met the man I'm
sure I want to spend the rest of my life with. He wooed
me to the point of no turning back and made me trip and fall... and
fall... and fall over and over again. I started chatting with him
when I was almost 14 years old, he was 19. At the time I saw him as
a big brother figure. I'd come home from school and he'd
ask me how my day was, how I was doing in my classes and if I was
getting along fine with my classmates. I adored him and wanted
to make him proud. I turned fifteen and lost contact with him, he
had a girlfriend, was working hard in college and various jobs and
such, and I was living my own life.
We started talking again a few months before I turned 16... After
then, however, it turned into sort of a crush. I loved the idea
that he cared about how I was doing and enjoyed talking to me so
much. We would talk forever and I felt important to him. I somehow
fell in love with the stressed out, under trusting, hopeless mess I
had once looked to as a safety blanket. I learned over the
past two years that it's not something you want to tell a
person like him, that his little work in progress was looking at
him as more than a friend, but as someone she was in love with. He
didn't take it as well as I'd hoped, but I didn't even
know what I was expecting.
I had found out that he never really told me anything about him in
complete honesty. I had asked him simple things like his birthday
and middle name. I'm still unaware if he told me the truth
about his middle name or not and he had given me a slight idea of
when his birthday was but he said that he wouldn't tell me
everything. I feel like a fool for falling so deeply in love with
someone who never told me anything about him. And the fact that he
kept himself a secret, well, how would I ever expect to be
able to meet him? Yet I fell in love with him anyway, for the
way he spoke to me, the way he needed me and I needed him.
I'm 20 now and still hold him so deep inside my heart that it
hurts. I don't speak to him for months at a time because our
lifestyles don't allow the time too often, but I feel like even
though I try to convince myself to give it up, I can't love
anyone the way I've loved him and still love him. When we
ocassionally get the chance to IM each other, he still tells me
things that squeeze my heart, it's almost like he wants me
to still love him. He's told me for so long not to, and he told
me before I even had, not to fall in love with him. He makes me
believe there's a chance and I haven't even met him. I
don't even know if it's real.
I've fallen for a complete stranger!
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Comments 1-4 of 4
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Posted by Mon Sep 14, 2009 5:51am PDT
Report AbuseHoney....it's not real. If it were real, if he felt the same, he would want to have more of a relationship with you. If he is 25 and you are 20, and he is free and single, and in love with you, you would know.
The thing about the internet is that it is so easy for someone to pretend to be something they're not. You've never met him. You can't know for sure that he really is the age he said he is. You said that you're not sure if he's told you the truth about things. Your heart has doubts about him...even though you feel that you love him.
You might be more in love with the IDEA of him than with him, really. He was there for you when you needed him. He got into your emotions. You've never met him, so when you read his words to you, you read them through the lens of your own personality...because you don't really know what HIS personality is. So, it's kind of imaginary...in a way.
I know how strong your feelings could be for him. It feels like he's a part of you. And, in a way, he is. But, it's more in your mind than it is real.
What you said about him wanting you to feel that way for him...even though he is not reciprocating...I think you're absolutely right about that. I think he likes the idea that you love him...because it makes him feel good. (He may or may not be doing that intentionally.) I don't believe, however, that he wants to be in a REAL relationship with you.
You need to let him go. There will be that spot in your heart for his friendship. But you need to let him go. Meet other people. Live your life. Don't dwell on what can't be. Be thankful that you got to know him. And be thankful that he was straight with you and isn't stringing you on and making you think that there could be something between you both when there can't.
You will find someone else that you will love and you will be happy. The friendship you had with this man had something to do with the person you are today. Cherish the memory of your friendship. Let him go as anything more. To hold onto something that can't be isn't good for you and will only hurt you in the long run.
I wish you all the best. My thoughts and prayers are with you. :)
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Posted by Mon Sep 14, 2009 7:01am PDT
Report AbuseSnoopy is completely right. Its not real. He prorbably talks to you when he has nothing to do. He plainly uses you for his entertainment when he is really bored and plays mind games to see what you would say. I wouldn't trust him if he still is a stranger to you. Like I tell all the other girls there are other men out there for you that will be there and love you truthfully.
You may love him and love him as a friend or best friend even. but that should be all. Also another reason why he could be trying to keep in touch with you all these years and telling you lies about himself is...maybe he could be a serial killer or rapist in training. And maybe he is waiting for the right opportunity to get you. Think about theses things. Guys like to manipulate people into feeling ways they shouldn't in order to get what they want.
I'm just telling you to be careful. He can be cool for an IM friend and nothing more. Focus on school or college if your in college, or work and live your life until that special someone pops into your life.
Good luck, stay happy, and take care.
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Posted by Tue Sep 15, 2009 6:53am PDT
Report AbuseThe writing is on the wall. READ IT. I know you know the truth. It's just that your feelings cloud your judgment. You're 20 now and a grown adult. Time to make decisions like an adult.
I went through something similar. I started corresponding with a guy online. Even though I was in denial at the time, I know now in retrospect that I started falling for him when we were chatting online. That's even before I met him. Big mistake. I did get a chance to meet him in person. The first few months he was as great in person as I assumed him to be online. Then a few months passed and he made a complete 180. He turned out to be the complete opposite of what I idealized him to be. Wow, talk about a rude awakening. Prince charming turned out to be the worst person I have ever met (no exaggeration). Too late for me then, I was already invested emotionally in him. I idiotically emotionally invested in an idealized man. Reality bites. Even when he was being revealed to be the jackass that he really is, I was in denial to accept the truth. I stupidly hung on to the hope that he might be as great as I first thought he was. It's very difficult for me now to detach. But I have to accept the truth. I realized we should really really really get to know someone before we give our hearts to them. let him prove himself to you.
We are still friends now. Thank God the blinders are off. But it's a struggle everyday to rid myself of my feelings for him. If I had stopped myself for falling for him prematurely, then I wouldn't be in the mess I am in now. I am in my 30s btw.
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Posted by Tue Sep 15, 2009 5:59pm PDT
Report Abusewow i never Heard any thing like thaT but i agree with The people. Its not real,But I understand how u feel beacuse he makes You feel speacial,and ya have never mettt so how can it be real .You dont know if he thinks about u all the time or how he thinks about u. I belive he problely does talk to u when he has nouthing to do!!!! Need any more advice just write me bak thanks shelby lynn ill get bak tou asap
Comments 1-4 of 4
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