Love + Sex
Friday, December 4, 2009
I've started to resent being the breadwinner. What should I do?
partner
Q: I'm a lawyer and my husband works as a freelance musician. I've started to resent being the breadwinner. What should I do?
A: I assume you knew you were marrying a man without a steady income, so
you need to explore why these feelings have surfaced now. Even if you
felt prepared for the arrangement, it's possible that you're feeling
let down by the reality of your situation. Maybe you wish there were
more equality in the earning department. And that's OK. What's not OK
is withholding your feelings, so tell your husband what's on your mind.
Try saying, "I've been thinking about the way we
deal with money, and I
feel uncomfortable with how things are now. I want to talk about how
I'm feeling and get your perspective." Expressing yourself doesn't mean
your partner has to switch careers; it's simply the first step toward
getting a dialogue going. That way, you can clear the air and work on
finding a solution together.
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Related: relationship, musician, money, lawyer, income disparity, husband, career, advice
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Posted by Thu May 1, 2008 5:19am PDT
Well, I would suggest that you only look as this as a snapshot in your marriage. Anything could happen in the future your husband could get a tour deal, or song writing deal, anything. I say keep your feelings to yourself and pray about it. Pray, that God puts him at the right place at the right time. If you want to discuss something with your husband find out what his dreams are for his music career, help him to market hisself better, encourage him to broaden his network of contacts. Be supportive, not resentful..money ain't nuthin' but a thang. But somebody who will wipe your butt because your sick and can't now that forever. I'm trippin. Good luck
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Posted by Brian McLaughlin Thu May 1, 2008 7:06am PDT
Welcome to hundreds of years of being a man. It sucks doesn't it. Working your ass of and having someone sit at home all day, and act like what they did somehow equals what you did. I'm sorry ladies taking care of the house and kids is not equal to making a living. Especially now that women expect help with the housework and raising the kids. What the little that you did is too much now. Tell your husband to get a job, and he can play at his music career at night and on the week ends.
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Posted by sports Thu May 1, 2008 7:42am PDT
John, you're right on point! It's a breath of fresh air to know a female is dealing with some of the nonsense hard-working men go through on a daily basis. It sucks, right! Tell him to get a 9-5 job and leave the music career for the weekends. If not, out the door!
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Posted by Erin Flaherty, Shine staff Thu May 1, 2008 11:58am PDT
My question is does this guy take care of the house (cleaning, budget, organization, repairs)? Because sorry guys, while I agree working full-time is hard, homemaking ain't no walk in the park either... If he is contributing in other ways then that should be taken into consideration, right?
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