Love + Sex

Hi Cosmo girls,

First off, I apologize for the long time between these posts. I'm just now settled back in the city after attending to some family business, so hopefully things get back to normal soon.

While I was out, my editor Christie directed me towards a question that Leonora had posted on her Cosmofied blog. "There must be an epidemic going on, because I cannot, for the freaking life of me, find one man who is interested in hitting on women,"Leonora complained. "Have you [men] become so lazy that you won't make a first move, even when it's clear a girl is checking you out?"

In a back-and-forth email correspondence, Christie echoed this sentiment. "Where have all the alpha males gone?,"she asked me, mentioning that she's been asked out three times on Facebook in the past week or two, but that all those guys could've asked her out in person when they initially met. I should mention here that both Christie and Leonora are very cute girls, so they're probably not the only ones who are plagued by the scourge of apathetic men.

At first I thought that the bars you ladies are hanging out are evidently a lot different than the bars that I visit. At myfavored watering holes, the vast majority of the male population seems to be hitting on any female who is upright and conscious. But then I realized there might be a disconnect about when and why guys are hitting on you ladies

Here's the thing: There's a big difference between guys hitting on chicks because they're trying to go home with them that night (which happens often), and guys who are hitting on girls because they want to date them (a much rarer occurrence). Maybe guys aren't pursuing women as much because there are plenty of attractive females in New York, and sex is easy to come by. The unfortunate reality--at least as far as traditional romantics are concerned--is that you don't haveto ask someone out to dinner in order to get them to sleep with you anymore. Now it's a mere afterthought. Meet a girl who isn't going to hook up with you that night? Well, maybe you'll ask her for your number and call her later, but there's just as good a chance that you'll stumble into someone else. (Or, maybe you'll go the lazy man's route--email or Facebook. Sorry, Christie!)

And stumble is an accurate word there: it doesn't really require that much effort to meet females, at least in New York. They're everywhere! So, a lot of guys probably end up being passive about the whole process because there's no pressure to be aggressive.

That's just one man's take on Leo's question. What do youthink?