I've decided to run away from my anxiety and weight issues. Yup - I'm taking up jogging.
It helps that my virtual clone, Steph, has paved the way for me. I love this woman (and fabulous writer) because she's real on marriage, kids, health issues and her quest for spirituality. I adore her so much that I will NEVER meet her in person. For one thing, she lives in Canada. From what I hear, it's cold. For another, between the two of us, we'd probably down 3 pots of Yuban, over induldge on cookies, b---- about our husbands, then pass out while our fabulous men (who we both just complained about) took over for us on all things kid-related as we fell into an eating/talking/whine/wine fest induced coma.
I also have another good friend, RedStacey, who I only know via the internet. Stacey is a wacky home schooler who is way more at peace with life than I am. She's graciously dedicated quite a bit of time to saving my soul while I make anti-spanking, Jesus and cucumber-canning jokes. The good thing about us meeting, however, is that maybe her peaceful nature would rub off on me. I'm quite certain that after chatting with me for a few days she'd be even more content that she never morphed into the crazy city dweller, jogging L.A. freak that is "moi'".
But back to the original post: Lest any of you think I'm doing 5Ks at the speed of light, let me reassure you that I'm run/walking every other day for about 20 minutes. Yesterday, instead of driving a whole mile down the road because my lazy butt wasn't in the mood for cooking, I jog/ran with my kids as they scooted alongside me.
Eating 2 fistfuls of pistachios later that night wasn't doing much for my diet, but the run did my spirits some good. The night air was wonderful. I could smell a few fireplaces burning (as opposed to all of Los Angeles) and I marveled at some of our neighborhood trees that had just started turning orange. My daughter made me laugh from the jog stroller at her impersonation of Ariel the mermaid. My son and I made wishes as we threw rocks into the L.A. river. I was, for a few seconds at a time, in the moment! Hooray for me!
As I transform my physical self, I am eagerly anticipating a transformation in my thought process as well. I keep saying it, so forgive me for sounding like a broken record, but slowly but surely I had started bracing myself for disappointment. That's just silly, because living in fear of "what could be" robs one of living in the present.
My revelations as of late are nothing new. Some ground themselves in the moment through prayer (working on that, Stacey, leave me alone!) Some do it by finding a job they are passionate about, be it mothering, working at an office, or volunteering at a local plant nursery. Still others find it by drinking too much wine or smoking doobage. I'd go for that last one, but in grounding myself, I wouldn't be able to get back up the next day - not my idea of living in the moment.
My husband's version of being in the moment is awesome sex. He can lose himself in the passion of a good romp. Me? I'm not quite there yet. I like it - but I want to desire it. I want to forget about mothering and finances and what I want to do for a living and just be. Be with my husband. Love him with the physical passion that he loves me. Because Lord knows I LOVE my husband. I just don't always love to love on him like I used to. And to get that back again? Well, I'd love that.
A friend of mine swears that the trick to libido enhancement is Acai berries. She says it makes her feel like a kid again. For me, I just see another fifty dollars spent on a product that may or may not work. Where as jogging? That's free. And perhaps, just perhaps, the sweating round the block will translate into a sprint into my bedroom. I'll keep you posted. About my four poster action. And my husband's post. And now, I'm done with the post jokes. (Oh shut up, everyone, they weren't bad.)
Posted by Andrea Frazer
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