Why have I been consumed with this sad, sordid cliche? The truth is: There but for the grace of God goes my own marriage.
In Pictures: Five Things Every Married
Woman Needs To Hear About Divorce
In a word: Yes. In three words: Good grief, yes. And then came the
queasy realization that's had me glued to this train wreck ever
since: There but for the grace of God goes my own
marriage.
Well, except for the boatload of
children. The Gosselins are raising twins and sextuplets, all
conceived via fertility treatments within the span of a few years.
Not surprisingly, given the chaos in their home, she seems
constantly overwhelmed and compensates by trying to control
everything she can. He seems constantly overwhelmed and compensates
by checking out as often as he can get away with. In the episode I
saw, she'd asked him to install shelving in the garage and
proceeded to pick apart every little thing he did. He, meanwhile,
sulked and acted put-upon.
In other words, they're your typical
overworked, overstressed couple with kids. Maybe more children than
your average household, but everything about the Gosselins is
mythic in its proportions. That includes their now-defunct union,
in which he starred as the quintessential bad-husband archetype,
the clueless manchild; and she as the ultimate bad-wife archetype,
the domineering shrew.
Naturally, it all
culminated in every wife's archetypal nightmare. Unhappy in his
marriage--because it is he who seems to have been the miserable
spouse--Jon could have taken any number of steps to make things
better. He could have sought counsel from leaders at his church or
suggested couples' therapy. Instead, he played to type,
spurring action by--oops!--getting himself photographed with what
looks very much like an Other Woman. And now, also a cliché, most
everyone seems to be blaming that witch Kate for driving her man
away.
So why have I been consumed with this
sad, sordid tale? The truth is, I wanted reassurance. Watching Kate
micromanage Jon as he installed that garage shelving, I thought,
Do I sound like that? and knew with certainty
that I often do. I adore my husband and am happy in our marriage. I
think by and large he is too. But I can be overanxious. I try to
compensate by making sure my life is super-organized. Busy and
stressed, I don't often (read: pretty much never) take the time
to phrase requests so they don't sound like orders.
For expediency's sake, I'll
bark, "Could you empty the dishwasher?" instead of
saying, "I know it's my job"--which it is, and
I'm fine with that; he does his fair share--"but I'm
running late this morning. Do you have time to help?" As my
husband, who's neither clueless nor a manchild but doesn't
exactly address relationship problems head-on, empties that
dishwasher, I'm left worrying just exactly how henpecked he
feels.
As we now know, that didn't happen.
And I'm not sure I'll be watching Jon &
Kate anymore. The show, apparently, will go on, as Jon
and Kate separately parent their Plus 8 as divorced spouses--joined
by, as one insider has suggested, Jon's reported girlfriend,
23-year-old Deanna Hummel.
So much for reassurance. I'm not
ready to imagine my own marriage ever being filmed with a third
party, from two different locations.
In Pictures: Five Things Every Married
Woman Needs To Hear About Divorce
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