Love + Sex

Love life was pretty much at an all time low. I did finally meet a woman at work. ( Friends and work are the top places people meet a prospective partner. ) We talked a lot. I really liked her a lot. She didn't know that. She always looked for me during break. She even took an extra 30min break on the company time just to sit and talk with me. I seriously never had anyone that interested in awhile. So we got laid off and I called once and never got a call back. Called her back a few months later. Finally we had a date. First off she kept talking about her boyfriend in Paris. So I was not going to even make a move on this girl. Like I said before I am 110% loyal. So we ate dinner, she offered a taste of her wine but I said "no". We split a slice of cake. Then went to a movie. Movie was good. Then came the "you know" part. Walked to the car with her and I was getting very nervous cause I didn't want to do anything with someone that had a bf already. So I split and headed to my car and said "well, I'll see you later. We'll have to hang out again" I could feel the disappointment from her and slight anger. I felt like an ass. If she had said she wasn't dating anyone. I would have walked her to her car.

So we chatted on the phone off and on. I was seriously still too focused on trying to find a REAL job instead of the current hold me over one that I had. So I really didn't pay attention to her much. Even though I did really really like her. Another HUGE factor in this relationship was that talking on the phone with her was incredibly hard. The cell phone signal was utter crap and I had to be in a room that had no background noise what so ever to be able to understand what she was saying. She took a French class and our days off where different. She had weekends and I had totally random days. I would always e-mail her with what i was working but for some reason she wouldn't want to do anything even though I was getting out at 5pm on Sat. Which made no sense to me. Her French class was finally over with and I finally had a weekend off. It was Sep and we hadn't done something since late July.

One day I kinda realized how much I really liked her. That I really wasn't paying much attention to her and that I didn't expressed any of my feelings to her. I was way too focused on getting a Real job. Just didn't feel like a man, not making real money. I called her up and said that "I really liked her and I'm sorry I've been an a-hole not calling her". She said  "can I call right you back?" I don't know if she had to talk to a friend first or what. I got a call back in 20min or so. We made a date plan. So we got up early and had breakfast. Pulled in the parking lot within seconds of each other. I got out forgetting to shut my lights off cause I was so happy to see her. Which will be mentioned later. I told her that her hair looked really pretty. She negatively said "I just washed it!" (1)     

Later.... See started a conversation about marriage at breakfast, which made me nervous. About where and how many people would be there and where. We went back to the place that we signed up for kayaking and she had to use the bathroom. I didn't want to go in. I sat on the bench outside and waited for her. A senator walked by which surprised me. I put my arm out along the bench as I was looking at her amazed to see a senator there. I turned my head back forward and noticed her standing there looking at me funny. Because my arm was out across the bench. She sat down on the edge away from my arm. I was kinda pissed cause I wasn't even trying to make a move. It just happened.  After going to  a Factory store to kill some time we went back to the cars to drop off things we didn't want getting wet. I made the comment that I had lost 10 pounds and lost 5 this week. I had been going to the gym. She negatively said "Its just water weight, I'm sure you'll gain it back." In my mind I said "Thanks for the encouragement!" (2)

So we went to the sign up place for kayaking. Got on the bus and went to the kayaking class. Thing went fine until I started to get too focused on not making a fool of myself and falling into the water. She started talking to some other guy there. Because I became too quite and too focused. Had fun kayaking. We started to walk back. Things got very quite. I could feel the tension from her. We slowly started back up talking. Only after awhile. Later we found out that skeet shooting and archery was free that day. So we went on the bus for that. If its free then its for me! We really got back into talking again finally. Things were going well. I just couldn't understand why she was so negitive. I was getting tired of it. I was pissed that I opened myself up and said I liked her and her rejecting me. So me stupidly while we were walking to skeet shooting and she was FINALLY opening up about some bad stuff that had happened. First she told me about her how she was with her dad and one of her brothers on a boat fishing. She had finally caught something. Then her brother did too. But her dad didn't come over to help her and just helped her brother and she lost the fish due to her size, experiance level. I said "hm, I wonder why he did that?" Then about this time she fell into this mud puddle and a dead dear was right next to her.My mind went blank. All I could think of was poor thing.  So at this point I didn't do the right thing and I made her feeling infaladated. I tired to change the current mood into a funny one and made one of the biggest mistakes with her that I could have. I jokingly I tired to make fun of myself. said that "I had something simular happen to me and tired to make fun of myself."  Durning the entire time we were shooting I could tell she was utterly pissed but I didn't see it til after I started looking back on the date. We were donig archery and I told her the bus was here and she got mad at me and said "You don't interupt someone when they are busy!" I said" Well I just wanted to let you know." I didn't sit with her on the bus. Things weren't good. Walking back to the cars I asked her if she wanted to grab some lunch. She declined. We got back to the cars and I said. Well I guess I'll see you later? I don't know when I'll have another weekend off. She said, "yeah whenever that is! Not like you wanted to be with me anyways" She got in her car and left.

So there is a prime example of something that started out great. Lots of promise but ended very badly because I didn't validate her feeling when see was opening up. I unknowly again made things worse with some e-mails.

This happened a few years ago and I understand what I did wrong. I just wish I could go back in time and know what I know now. Live and learn.