I have been in a long distance relationship for the past 2 1/2
months, before that we had dated for about the same amount of
time. Except for a brief patch when he first moved things
have been good. Talked almost every night, texted regularly,
did the windows live chats. He has been scheduled to move
back to town this week. We have been making plans like
crazy. The the bomb drops.
He texted me yesterday and in the middle of the conversation said
"I need to tell you something"...never a good thing to
hear right. Well according to him his ex call him up earlier
and the week and they have been talking. 'I just
don't know what to do" is what he told me. Along
with "I love you and want to be with you...but she and I dated
for over a year". The absolute kicker in it all....he is
moving in with me for a week because his apartment isn't
ready. He just told me that the ex is driving back with him
to keep him company on the long drive. In fact they are
spending the night with his family on the way back!!!
Just want some quick advice/tips on how to handle this all. I
feel obligated to let him stay at my house until his place is
ready, I will be working most of the time so I won't have to
see him for the most part. But he keeps saying he wants to
talk it out and he loves me and so on and so on....
Has anyone had this happen and if so what did you do?
Update:
She broke up with him because he moved here and it was too far
away. They had been together about a year when they broke up
and we started going out several months later.
She will NOT be staying at my
house!!! She is supposed to go back home right after he moves
his stuff in.
I wan't scheduled to work this weekend but I am working
tomorrow late so that I don't have to be at my house when they
show up. I don't want to see her or say anything to
her. I am also going to work on the next day, but I can't
hide out at work forever. He works for the same company and
will be starting work on Monday.
He is still texting and saying he loves and respects me and he
didn't know how this situation happened. But know he
wants to know what I want to do about our relationship. I
really don't know. Do I stay and ask him to cut off
contact with her and be left wondering if he is still
talking/texting her, or do I just gather up the pieces of my heart
and move on. I told him that I would talk to him Saturday
night after I get off work but I really don't have any idea of
what I am going to do.
LDR Help Needed or Love is a battlefield right now...help me out gals (and guys!)
user
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Comments 1-9 of 9
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Posted by Fri Jul 31, 2009 8:52am PDT
Report Abusewow... touchy subject, honesty and communication is what makes a relationship last. Now, if you dont mind me asking. Who left who in his the previous relationship? Even though this sometimes doesnt matter it could lead to some insight. Now the fact that he is telling you is a good sign of commitment.I would not beat around the bush about sexual contact between them. Ask! Dont be accusing but ask. If he broke up with her. How long were they apart before he started dating you. If she Broke up with him, Why did she break up with him, and why the contact now. Before you make the decision to let him live in your place for a week, honestly try to figgure out if opening your house is not only opening your heart for more pain. One other thing to ask is, Is she planning on staying and for how long. Then you will should see where your line is drawn.
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Posted by Fri Jul 31, 2009 9:01am PDT
Report Abuselong distance sucks, but Girly if he is talking to an ex Leave it alone it is not worth the pain you are going to feel when all he can talk about is the past. Move on find someone who wants you not an EX. They say Ex does stand for something but if she came back once she will come back again. an then you will have if debating on what to do. Tell him o-well. Cause if your not gonna be home what do you think is going to happen in your bed......?
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Posted by Fri Jul 31, 2009 11:48am PDT
Report Abusei agree with hippechic00422
not worth your time and the pain, and she is right you let him stay there with the ex your crazy,
if shee is an ex then he needs to be there for you and not the ex dont you think
step pass the love and see whats really going on
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Posted by Fri Jul 31, 2009 12:07pm PDT
Report AbuseWell the ex is not staying at my house! She is supposed to go home after she drops him off. She broke up with him because he moved here. They had been dating for about a year when they broke up. We started dating about 5 or 6 months after they broke up. I did ask if they have slept together and he insisted that they had not. I just feel like **** because he really doesn't have anywhere else to stay and I feel like I have to let him stay with me.
I hadn't planned on working this weekend but I changed my mind so that I won't be at my house when they show up...I don't want to see her or say anything to her. And I am working the next day so that I don't have to see him either. But I can only hide out at work for so long since he works for the same company and will start in the office on Monday.
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Posted by Fri Jul 31, 2009 2:43pm PDT
Report AbuseI myself recently realized that I could not deal with a long distance relationship. I had been seeing this really nice guy for about 2 months and it just fizzed out. I was burnt out driving to see him, he didn't want to stay over at my house every weekend it was just too much. Even though we were really into each other. It just couldn't work. I too was always thinking that he was seeing his ex in the back of my mind. So, I went to see him and told him that I wouldn't be driving 70 miles every weekend, and it would be the last time I would see him. I threw his number away and stopped answering his phone calls. Long distance relationships were just not for me. And knowing that he lives in the same town as his ex-girlfriend was always driving me crazy. I would call and text him like a psychopath...So, I said enough is enough. There are plenty of guys I can date or meet who live closer to me. End of story. Life is to short to put yourself through this. I would just call it quits! Give him an ultimative...
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Posted by Fri Jul 31, 2009 2:44pm PDT
Report AbuseI myself recently realized that I could not deal with a long distance relationship. I had been seeing this really nice guy for about 2 months and it just fizzed out. I was burnt out driving to see him, he didn't want to stay over at my house every weekend it was just too much. Even though we were really into each other. It just couldn't work. I too was always thinking that he was seeing his ex in the back of my mind. So, I went to see him and told him that I wouldn't be driving 70 miles every weekend, and it would be the last time I would see him. I threw his number away and stopped answering his phone calls. Long distance relationships were just not for me. And knowing that he lives in the same town as his ex-girlfriend was always driving me crazy. I would call and text him like a psychopath...So, I said enough is enough. There are plenty of guys I can date or meet who live closer to me. End of story. Life is to short to put yourself through this. I would just call it quits! Give him an ultimative...
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Posted by Sat Aug 1, 2009 8:06am PDT
Report AbuseObviously he was "drawn" to the ex, or he would have respected you more by getting rid of her before driving back with her. If he doesn't know what to do about this, then he'll do the same thing with the next cute girl that hits on him... and working at the same company with him will make things very difficult later on if this does happen. The only "silver lining" is that he told you about it, but of course, since she was driving back with him, he almost had to tell you.
I say get rid of him... it'll hurt for a while, but you'll be better off.
Oh, by the way, ultimatums don't work... they just make him resentful and you still won't trust him.
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Posted by Sun Aug 2, 2009 3:11am PDT
Report AbuseMARGO QUIT FREEKING OUT TALK TO HIM OR DON'T TALK TO HIM IT'S YOUR WORLD
JUST REMEMBER THIS COMMUNICATION
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Posted by Wed Aug 5, 2009 11:51am PDT
Report AbuseNo longer freaking out...thanks for the wake up Steve!!! He is here and will move out on Monday. He wants to talk every night...just makes me cry...then he cries...says he sorry...just ready for him to be gone. A friend said that I just needed to realize that maybe there isn't anyone out there for me...maybe that is true and I can just become the little old cat lady...sorry, bad attempt at humor. Just so you know I do like cats so no offense meant to cat people! I did find out that he will be transfering next May so at least I know that there is an end in sight for having to work with him. But the best was he told me he was doing it for his own good since he knew he would be leaving in May...better to hurt me now than later and all that junk...oh, and he doesn't know what to do about the new girlfriend since he has also decided that we need to be friends since he enjoys being with me.
Comments 1-9 of 9
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