Let's NOT Get it On

From the Community…

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  Posted by Joboo027 Thu Jul 9, 2009 6:19pm PDT

  no you are not a horrible mother. you are just like every other parent with too much to do and not enough time in the day to do it. as long as the kids are clean, fed, and healthy,everything else is secondary. you are doing fine in my book, let the other nay sayers eat cake....and as far as being guilty, he will get over it on the next "get it on" time..... David

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  Posted by Andrea Frazer, Good Housekeeping Thu Jul 9, 2009 8:07pm PDT

  David - Thank you! Especially coming from a guy. But seriously, the attacks will start. I just know it! (But secretly I don't mind. It's fun to excite the masses on topics where there's so many different opinions. I do love my husband, obviously, so I felt bad about what happened.)

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  Posted by Bill Fri Jul 10, 2009 8:27am PDT

  Andrea, Dont be so hard on yourself. I stumbled across you blog a few weeks ago. I read a few entries and then went back and read a lot of your old ones as well. I LOVED it. Being a father of 4, my wife and I have the same conversations and struggles as well. Let me just say the fact that you are aware that intimacy is important to your husband puts you light years ahead of many women. (just my opinion). Not only that, but you even take steps to make sure things happen in that part of your lives. Just a tip, (to all the female readers too) the best thing you can say is "Not Tonight." Period. Do not add, "I promise tomorrow, or then next night". I've heard that a million times only for the next nights to come and go w/o any recollection on what was promised........ Bill

  PS My favorite post was an old one where you count the blessing of what women do have in this country, materially and culturally. Somehow I have to get my wife to read that one. It was a very honest post. So often men and women spend too much time complaining and letting discontentment get foothold in our lives.

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  Posted by Andrea Fri Jul 10, 2009 9:53am PDT

  Okay, I have no idea where these men are coming from, but I LOVE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  Posted by TC S Fri Jul 10, 2009 10:52am PDT

  I didn't read the other comments yet but just know, you're nothing worse/more than NORMAL!! :D All mom's know (even if they wont admit) their kids drive em batty, the husband loves to pick the worst times to decide to "initiate". Doesn't mean we don't love them all, we all love our crazy lives. Keep the columns coming, I love reading another "normal" woman's view.

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  Posted by Sweet T Fri Jul 10, 2009 10:58am PDT

  Andrea, you are just fine. I don't even have kids and I occasionally feel the same way: waking me from a lovely sleep by poking me in the back is not always going to garner my loving man the attention he needs. I'm with Bill, a simple "not tonight" is sufficient. I also have a tendency to feel bad when this happens, but I know that my man would rather have me as a willing participant who wants to enjoy our sexy time than a begrudging shrew who deigns him the favor of intercourse.

  My solution is to really knock his socks off the next time; then he knows it's worth the wait when I occasionally beg off!

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  Posted by Elise Fri Jul 10, 2009 11:05am PDT

  OMG!! You put way too much pressure on yourself to try to be perfect. You can't expect to be horny every time your husband wants some. I know exactly how you feel, my husband wants it from me all of the time, but with our schedules it makes it very hard to get it on. We do it when we can and don't make it more difficult or frustrating for ourselves when the other person doesn't want to have sex.

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  Posted by ♥YogurtLover♥™ Fri Jul 10, 2009 11:25am PDT

  The satin pony can wait. Life just gets in the way some days.

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  Posted by TJ S Fri Jul 10, 2009 11:49am PDT

  I just have to say one thing: Don't drag Marvin in this!!! What did he do but make amazing music???? Haha...I can see how you could not want to do it after the days some mothers have but me, being a guy would find it easier to take it with some communication the next day like "hey, I'm sorry about last night but...." No promises and certainly no "Not tonight, period" like was mentioned before because both would be bad. Remember, me have self esteem to and sometimes that can be taken as you not wanting him anymore or him not being important to you. So, like my father told me: Always communicate because it always keeps you together, and when things are bad is when you need to communicate the most." My two and a half cents.

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  Posted by Tanae R Fri Jul 10, 2009 12:03pm PDT

  You are far from being a horrible mother. Im a single mother with two children and i work full time. I am always on the go and always playing super mom/worker. It does get tiring and i completely understand where you are coming from. As far as feeling guilty about not being in the "mood" i wouldnt worry about it. Sometimes men forget that we have a lot going on in our lives and at the end of the day we are just as tired if not more then them. Sometimes the mood just doesnt strike us when it does them. he will get over it and im sure he will realize that it was not the best moment to necessarily ask for a little "fun". haha

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