I'm on my fourth guy now.
The first one rejected me when I asked him out after a long period of mutual interest. Apparently, I'd said something (teasingly) in the first few weeks that made him think I didn't want a relationship. I was falling in love with him while he was getting over me. After that, I resolved never to be mean to a guy I was interested in, unless I knew for damn sure that he knew I was teasing.
The second one was a nice guy - too nice. There's a definite line between being respectful and inviting someone to step all over you, and he crossed it all too many times. He was just trying to accommodate me, I think. He'd had no previous experience with women, and it showed. I finally broke up with him after almost a year of dating - I think he saw it coming, although he didn't think I would break it off because of his personality. He thought I was dumping him so I could get a college boyfriend in the fall.
The third guy was, in retrospect, not my kind of guy at all. He was, while radically intelligent, also antagonistic, belligerent, and condescending, although more subtly to me than to other people. He'd had lots of girlfriends, and was getting anxious to have sex. I wasn't physically attracted to him in the first place, so his pushiness turned me completely off. I broke it off after realizing that I was dreading seeing him again.
This fourth guy, in all honesty, is just about everything I ever dreamed of having. I find him physically very attractive. He's intelligent enough to keep up with me, spontaneous, romantic, and a huge dork. What worries me is the fact that, save for something that could barely be considered a girlfriend in junior high, he's had no experience with women.
All of these guys, except for the first, have either hinted or outright suggested that we should get married in the forseeable future. It's flattering, of course, no matter what you actually feel about the guy. Numbers two and three, I remember thinking, "Well, I think I could be happy with him," but. Even though I was in love with two and three, I was sure even then that neither of them were The One for me. I was sure that someone better would come along, someone perfect. So, I waited.
Number four, on the other hand, isn't quite the same. I've been paying careful attention to the way I've been feeling, and I've been surprised to note that I don't feel Iike I'm playing a waiting game. I can't, in all honesty, think of a single thing about him that I wish he wouldn't do or that I don't really like (besides smoking, but he quit a few months ago. I'm very proud of him), whereas I could definitely do so with the others. I can't think of any reason I would ever break up with him. I can imagine growing old with him, and I like what I see.
I think I've found The One.
This leaves, in my mind, one possible conclusion:
He's going to be the one to fall out of love with me, and I'm going to be the poor sap who didn't even see it coming.
Granted, thinking logically, this seems unlikely. Our relationship is healthy and extremely open - if one of us has a problem, the other is the first person we tell and the first person who will offer help. We're constantly looking to improve communication. When we say "I love you," we mean it. On the other hand, since when did relationships and emotions ever follow a logical path?
He's my friend, my lover, and my world, I've found. Today, he claims the same, which elates me beyond expression. So, here I sit, on the doorstep of my sophomore year of college, reflecting on the fickleness of human emotion, hoping that I can hold on to this treasure I've found, and hoping that I won't one day regret saying that I want to marry him.
