Male: Can't Seem to Move On.

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  Posted by *GoldenGirl*™ Mon Oct 19, 2009 8:21pm PDT

  I'm going to just guess that there is alot more trouble here than they utility bill, some of the hurtful things said may be harder for her to forgive than you. Give her sometime, no more flowers for now, just let her cool down. Just once a week text her and tell her your thinking of her or something like just a hello. Whatever was said during the big fight was obviously pretty bad, so its going to take time to forget that, sometimes you cant take those back. Good Luck

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  Posted by cheerchick Mon Oct 19, 2009 8:27pm PDT

  First- how long ago did you exactly break up?

  Second- I know this has to be hard on you. But, you have to look at it from all sides. If this girl and you were that serious, she should be able to see that your not using her, and be able to come to you with anything. The fact that she would talk to others first and that she believes other people should also tell you something. I would have to say that, for your best interest, you may want to start the moving on process. Find someone who you can stay happy with, and keep that closeness with even through the fights. I hope that I helped.

  My names amanda, and I'm 15.

  I hope that I did help some. Stop by and tell me how you are, love to help.

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  Posted by JohnS Mon Oct 19, 2009 9:46pm PDT

  Thanks:

  The fight was I think our worst ever. She basically called me a failure at my career and then said she was moving out on the 1st of the month. I was so upset by what she said that I went to her closet and put all the clothes on the floor. (funny thing was I did it neatly thinking that they would just be put back in a minute)

  We have been broken up for about 7 weeks.

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  Posted by cheerchick Mon Oct 19, 2009 10:08pm PDT

  Well seeing as how you both seemed to over react, and that you both jumped to big closures. Maybe, time is what you need. But in this case. Girls have a tendency to lean to anyone who will tell them what they want to hear. After this fight, all she probably wanted to hear is how horrible you are, and she found that. But now that you have cooled down, and thought it all over, she's still being told all that horrible stuff. She may just need time to be able to actually sit down and think about what she's done. Now if that time ever comes, I do not know. But just make sure your there for her no matter what. Maybe then she'll see it.

  Hopefully because you have forgiven her, she will eventually do the same

  I'm always here!!!! :)

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  Posted by Mauna Tue Oct 20, 2009 7:44am PDT

  That was your problem...she did not have a mature enough 'mind' to make her "own" decisions even perhaps if was listening to other points of view from her external factors about her relationship issues(which everyone gets entangled with, yet behaves as if they have all the answers (when they don't). There are several truths and factors that always help to ruin relationships and true bonds between a couple, and to these do I continue know, but will not share, because it is the duty of the persons when having a 'relationship' to fully know what is entailed when being sincere and true with their opposite.

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  Posted by Melissa Tue Oct 20, 2009 9:13am PDT

  if she can walk away from you after 2.5 years of love and living 2gether you should probably question y exactly u want her back. no matter what anyone else says about your situation the two of you determine what happens. if she loves you enough what others say will not make the final decision for her. she has to live with the choices she makes, not the other people. i think you need to back off, give her time to think, cool off, and feel. if she truly loves you she will talk to you eventually and the two of you can determine if your relationship is worth reconciling or just letting go for good. communication is the key to long lasting happy relationships and if she can't talk to you, even after a big fight, it may be a red flag that she isn't the rite woman for you. take time out for yourself, focus on the things that make you happy.

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  Posted by JohnS Tue Oct 20, 2009 6:00pm PDT

  Thanks everyone, I am going to back off. I know I communicated how I feel and its up to her to comeback if that is what she wants.

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  Posted by urassismine2 Wed Oct 21, 2009 10:51am PDT

  Bottom line: You threw her out! You put her clothes "on the floor", and told her to take her belongings out of "your" home. You canceled her security in you. You treated her with indifference because of your "percieved" power over her. She is instituting her support circle. You are distracted because she has more power within that circle, than you anticipated. The mistakes that we make, we have to pay for. This situation sounds like "Elvis",..an he has left the building...just a thought..One reason, just one: Why would she come back to being treated like that?

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  Posted by R.I.L. Wed Oct 21, 2009 6:09pm PDT

  First off let me say urassismine2, hush! Look man from one guy to another. The fact is we men love different than women, we love harder, stronger, sometimes with more embrance. But in all honesty I can`t tell you to move on or stay waiting cause only you two know what you had. But from what you`ve said, I would have to let it burn and move on. Cause there is no way a 28yr old woman should let anyone else dictact who she should love, and who she should or should not be with. Why be with a woman that can`t think for herself. Who was with you, her or outsiders opinions? You know?! If she is who you want fight for your girl man. If if your tired of dealing with the nonsense, find a strong minded women. Most importantly, someone that will apperciate you and care about you regardless. She was complaining that you where self employed, what if you weren`t employed at all? Think about it! All in all I hope everything works out for you. God bless!

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  Posted by JohnS Wed Oct 21, 2009 6:48pm PDT

  Thanks Gregory and urassismine2.

  Today I had an awakening. I was terrible this morning, had to leave work. I realized that she knows how I feel. People can say I went about the wrong way. BUT IS THERE EVER REALLY A RIGHT WAY? I told her how I felt, I am glad I did. I fought for her. I can say that I let her know how I feel, I admitted my mistakes and became better, and that I was willing to reconcile.

  I realized I don't want to keeping giving her myself when she is not giving me anything. Yes, she lets her friends influence her, she was not very supported of me and my business. Even for her flaws I loved her. But she was affecting my life in a negative way since the breakup. I realized I must let go. You just cannot love someone who doesn't love you.

  I will find that one woman who I can connect with. Thanks all of you who helped me. I now want to move forward with my life.

  Gregory you are so right about loving harder, stronger, and more embracing.

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