Married to a sex addict? Steps to take back your life

From the Community…

• 
  Posted by Ron Mon Sep 15, 2008 12:11am PDT

  "Sexual addiction can involve compulsive behaviors, such as the use internet pornography, online chat rooms, one night stands, massage parlors, fetishes, fantasy/role playing, compulsive money spending, etc"

  ITS ME :)

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by MisC Sun Sep 21, 2008 6:28pm PDT

  It's not just men. Women are suffering from sex addiciton too. It is a subject too many people take lightly (see above comment).

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by Bruce F Wed Oct 8, 2008 8:43pm PDT

  Capessa,

  Unsure why you are involved with this man. Unsure about your past. Unsure if you have ever had an ogasm. There are a lot of variables. Meaning, there are two sides to every story. Are you really that HOT to him that he wants to show you through sex as much as he is described as doing?

  Have you let this man know what you like and dislike? I have found that no matter how tired or stressed I am there are things my partner does that will wake up the inner most sex addict in me. Just pushing the right buttons means the difference between the high or the low of a sexual experience.

  Maybe you have been sexually abuse in some way in your past. Maybe you have never had an orgasm where another person was involved. Just know there are always more to what people want to convey than what is put out to the public. Things that are really personal sometimes seem better kept inside.

  This comes from a sex addict. This sex addict looks for the things my partner enjoys and seems to want. Have you ever had a Full Body Orgasm? This is when a person's body takes over when their mind no longer has any control physically.

  Best of luck and Blessed Be. There are a lot of things in this world that we are given a choice to enjoy, then we are too busy. Smelling the roses may be the best thing for the majority of us. Including myself.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by Dante Tue Nov 18, 2008 4:30am PST

  You cant blamer a man for being a sex addictant because its fun!!!!

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by Sunshine Fairy Mon Apr 13, 2009 12:29pm PDT

  Robert, is it fun when you find yourself alone with no one that will put up with your crap anymore? why do guys even bother being in a relationship with someone if they have a problem.. you can hide it as long as you want..but eventually the woman will catch on and notice the sex change in time.. it's not her... it's you.. and in order to have a healthy relationship with someone they both have to be happy.. maybe sex addicted guys like addicted to porn and stuff should find a girl that's addicted to porn as well.. maybe those people will be happy.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by Sunshine Fairy Mon Apr 13, 2009 12:31pm PDT

  i thing i hate to hear is... "I'll change" if you know it harder than you think and you have to TRY... then go get help.. i'm not saying watching porn is bad... i'm just saying that watching it everyday for hours and masterbating to it then acting like a jerk when you lady gets home and ignoring her needs is bad. i watch porn..hell i watched it with him... but even he said one woman just isnt enough.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by Misty Thu Oct 1, 2009 1:13am PDT

  A lot of you praise being a sex addict, but why are you in a relationship? Do you not realize how much you destroy your partner? It's like a slow death when you love a sex addict. I cannot stress the amount of pain you cause! If you are a sex addict, stay single, it is cruel and sadistic to say I love you to someone while you carry on with strangers. You can really destroy someone, yet you claim you love them? That is sick love! Stop hurting the one you claim you love! I am married to a sex addict and I will admit, everyday it kills me more and more. I know eventually I will walk away and he will be left to his hookers and one night stands. How alone he will be

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by The Bitterchick Sun Oct 25, 2009 2:09pm PDT

  I knew my husband had problems before we got married. I tried to deal with them with him honestly, by discussing them and trying to see how we could deal with them together.

  This did absolutely no good.

  I had a baby in the spring. I recently discovered that he drove 2 hours to meet a woman to have sex when I was 8 months pregnant. In addition, when our baby was less than 2 weeks old, he joined an escort service website. Finally, in the summer, he was on an adult personals site, and had sex with at least 5 women, all while I was trying like hell to get his attention, both romantically and physically.

  Our baby is seven month old now. We have just started therapy, but I'm left to wonder whether it will ultimately do *me* any good...I've put my own needs on hold to try to give him the space and freedom I thought he needed to avoid the triggers that I felt led him to these behaviors in his last marriage. Apparently, I was wrong.

  I am left now trying to decide between divorce and getting back my own life or working though this with him and putting my own needs on hold yet again. In the meantime, I don't eat, I don't sleep, I can't concentrate on work, I have been unable to be the mother I want to be to my baby. I don't blame myself for his behavior, but that doesn't help me decide what I need to do for myself next.

  I don't know how any advice can help right now. We are, as I said, in therapy, but I feel like someone needs to hit him upside the head with a 2x4 in order for him to see the actual effect and control his addiction has on his life and on his relationships. He won't listen to me, because of course I'm just an angry and hurt wife. And part of the pathology is an inability to see the true consequencecs of his behavior.

  Thoughts?

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by MaulBear Wed Nov 4, 2009 8:42am PST

  thebitterchick: if sex addiction is real, then it sounds like that's him. I didn't believe my ex when he said he had it, i thought it was just a cop-out, but who knows. Your husband sounds just like my ex. Knowing his history, Told him I didn't want anything to do with him if he was seeing other people (he often cheated on me previously) and so he insisted he wasn't. Turns out, I got pregnant but he already had TWO other women pregnant (1 was 4 mo. along, the other just a month, I think). I ended up cutting off from him completely. He insisted, like so many other times, that he was getting help and "fixing" himself, but I had gone through that before with him and he never changed. I suggest you leave him. I know it will be hard, especially with a little one, but believe me, it's better in the long run. I STILL don't trust people, sex STILL isn't something I think of positively, but I know I can get through it, and if I were stuck with him, even if he did get better (small chance if any of that) I would be terribly miserable. Your husband sounds like he'll never understand, and there's no way you can make him. I don't think therapy will help, because my ex went through it for a year and still acted the same (one of the other women moved in with him, but apparently wants absolutely nothing to do with him anymore). Just leave, you won't regret it. I know I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than stuck with a man like that.

  Report Abuse
• 
  Posted by Dicksmackerss Tue Nov 10, 2009 11:50am PST

  I've probably had over a 100 different sexual encounters with strangers that i've met in a yahoo chat room. Im also married with kids and i struggle with what i've done. I have tested clean of diseases thank God. This is a real problem. Its difficult to deal with because there is really noone to talk to about it because of the shame. I've often taken long breaks from chatting & deleted my profile so i would have to lose contact with any "easy" connections. Ive even found myself with the same sex partners just to get a quick nut. Rediculous as it sounds.. im sure im not alone. This has take a toll on my carreer, family, & Job. If you are in this situation. I would be happy to hear from you with suggestions. I try to seek the Lord But I am so incredibly weak. Pray For me.

  Report Abuse