Love + Sex

Friday, December 11, 2009

Mixed Signals. Better Off Friends? Only Time Will Tell...

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My friend and I have been hanging out a lot lately (past 2 Months, she just transferred), and I have slowly developed feelings for her.  We are only in college just to give a view of things we do.We spend times cooking for each other, watch movies, scroll the beach together , go to dances together as each other’s date (not hand in hand but as “friends”) talked about relationships and what we each look for in a partner. I even take care of her when she gets drunk and starts yacking ( twice now). she even asked me to come to family oriented events such as family vacation for new years with her cuz all her sisters brings their boyfriends! talk about hitting signals! We found out that our personalities are the same. Family Oriented, Hard working, same goals in life, very similar interests.

 I even introduced her to my siblings which I have never done so before with past girlfriends b/c I don’t want my family to be disappointed or someone they may not approve of.  Another big thing is I invited her to come with me to a family/sibling vacation in July as I am very close to my siblings and wanted her to come. It was actually my sister’s idea to ask her to come so I asked and she gladly accepted.  My siblings are all bringing their girl/boyfriends besides me so that’s why I invited her and I wouldn’t normally invite just anyone but this girl is special. Im not the type of college guy who goes around looking to get laid more of a long-term relationship (I only had 1 real relationship in my life. Been single for 6 years now due to not wanting to waste time with relationships I believed will not work) kind of guy and based off her personality I have a sense she knows I like her because of a scenario that happened.

My good friend jokingly said to her one day when I wasn’t around “you better not play my homie __________!” and she responds by saying “You don’t even understand. We are just friends

I just don’t get it. With all the mixed signals? She likes me doesn’t she? Ive asked numerous friends and they all said that I should just tell her I like her. But my mind set is “what if she doesn’t like me? What if im in the friends zone? ” I believe that would devastate me just because of all the mixed signals she sends.  Then it will be awkward because we share ALL the same group of college friends which we hang out a lot on a daily basis. Our group of friends are mostly all guys and the few girls are actually my best friends from high school which she befriended as well. There is one guy who use to like her a lot which is actually one of my new good friends but she already made it clear he never has a chance with her (which I find funny cuz he just not b/f material haha).  But they are close friends now and do not see each other anything more then that due to he has moved on to dating other girls.

Anyways, sorry for the long post but I had to make it clear so you can understand the situation I am in. I need some advice from others outside my friends about whether I should tell her I like her and see where it goes. But the hard part is the rejection is it really worth it to find out if she feels the same? I just can’t stop thinking about her. And if she says “we should just be friends. Maybe in time will tell” will it still be awkward when we go on vacation together in Hawaii? Should I just wait til after Hawaii? But I’m afraid by that time its too late? Is she just playing games with me and waiting for me to make my move? I analyze these kinds of things for a living haha but I can’t seem to solve my own problems. Please any advice will help!

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Comments 1-8 of 8
  • Cristina's Avatar
    Posted by Cristina Wed May 20, 2009 8:35am PDT

    Time will tell-->its been a long time. Any more time will make her think that you see her as a friend and you will loose the opportunity you had to go out with her. Just tell her how you feel about her. If you want to be on the safe side tell her that you like her. Don't be too afraid to let your feelings show, you won't die if she tells you that you all are better off as friends. Believe me nothing will change in your circle of friends, if they're your true friends they'll stick by you and her no matter what happens. There is a chance that she's on the same boat as you. Afraid of rejection. A girl doesn't give you those signs just to play games. She is obviously playing it safe. Give it a try, get out of your comfort zone. Don't be a coward. :)

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  • BP's Avatar
    Posted by BP Wed May 20, 2009 10:52am PDT

    I agree. If you have so much in common, and you truely like her, then don't wait and let her slip through your fingers. If you truely are great friends, then simply letting her know your feelings won't ruin your friendship. If she politley suggests that you remain only friends, take it as just that. If that is what she says, then don't pursue anything more out of the relationship; just stay her friend and only her friend, and there will be no awkwardness and you and your friends (including her) should be able to continue on.

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  • Jazz's Avatar
    Posted by Jazz Wed May 20, 2009 11:05pm PDT

    Hey, ditto to the 2 above comments. Yes, please ask if you want to get an honest answer, it beats second guessing on what's on her mind. Believe me sometimes it's better to get it over and done with it so you can moved on. Wish you all the best in love and life. Do keep us posted on the outcome if you don't mind.

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  • Alex's Avatar
    Posted by Alex Fri May 22, 2009 10:09am PDT

    Here is my update on the situation. if you guys want to see.

    http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/none/pressure-coming-from-your-friends-takes-its-toll-465675/

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  • Dracora007's Avatar
    Posted by Dracora007 Fri May 22, 2009 12:58pm PDT

    I can't wait to see this. If they mess it up for you, you better be taking some sweet revenge.

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  • Amanda's Avatar
    Posted by Amanda Sat May 23, 2009 5:21pm PDT

    i was in the same situation and things blew up in my face. i told the guy i liked him that i liked him and the response was basically "why, that's stupid" and now he is trying to set me up with his friend. but i don't regret telling him, now i know how he feels and i can move on with my life and on to other people. and we are still friends. i say you tell her! worse happens she doesn't like you that way, you still have the rest of you life to find that special person, its not the end of the world if she isn't the one.

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  • Jazz's Avatar
    Posted by Jazz Sat May 23, 2009 10:25pm PDT

    Alex, I think you should try to ask her again but this time please make sure there isn't anyone around cause when your mutual friends are around, it's difficult to get a true and honest answer from her. Don't let them distract you from doing what you intend to do.. Good Luck!

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  • nia's Avatar
    Posted by nia Mon May 25, 2009 9:03am PDT

    sometimes there are things that we don't expect, may it hurts or maybe give happiness that's why you must try again to ask her, don't waste time

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Comments 1-8 of 8

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