Love + Sex
Friday, December 11, 2009
my fiance won't go down on me!
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- by Sara, on Wed Jan 14, 2009 11:26am PST
My fiance and I have been together for 2 years and we have been
having sex for a year and a half, when we started having sex he was
my first and I was his first. we were shy at first but the more we
did stuff the less shy we became. I gave him head after we had been
having sex for a couple of months and he loved it! He never
mentioned that he wanted me to try it we were just making out one
day and I undid his pants and started playing with him using my
hand and told him to close his eyes and then just dived down lol. I
still love giving him ----- s because he loves them and it gets me
off to get him off, sometimes if I am not in the mood but he is I
will give him one and it gets me in the mood too.
Here is the problem... after doing this for so long I wanted him
to go down on me, I didn't see a problem with it, he never
seemed uncomfortable when I did that to him so I figured that the
reason he never tryed it before was he either didn't know about
it or was afraid of messing up or me being weirded out. So I asked
him if he had ever heard of a guy going down on a girl and he said
no and I asked if he would be willing to try it, and he freaked
out! He said NO and got incredibly weirded out and now everytime I
try to bring up the subject he freaks out again, it's so
frustrating it's starting to cause fights cause I don't get
why it's so weird for him to do it to me but definatly
doesn't argue when I do it to him! Please ladies and gentlemen
please help me out. I need advice on how to make him loosen up
without freaking him out and I need advice on how to talk to him
about why he thinks this is weird without him freaking out.
Related: sex tips, sex, relationships, marriage, love
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Posted by arb63 Wed Jan 14, 2009 11:51am PST
Hey Sara, you bring it up and he freaks out? And after doing this numerous times, he has never explained WHY he feels it's weird?? Before you can do anything else, you HAVE to have a serious talk with him about what's going through his mind, and you have to understand what the problem is before you can even think about trying to solve it. Don't let him off the hook without giving you an answer. (If he freaks out and refuses to discuss it, you should seriously think about your "engaged" status---this is a very serious communication problem which will cause many, many other problems down the road!)
It also seems clear that, regardless of what the reason is, he has a serious problem with doing this, and feels so strongly about it that changing his mind or solving the problem (if there is one) may not even be possible. You need to just be aware that in the end, you might not get the results that you want. Even if he agrees to do it, if he's not genuinely enjoying it, it will not be all that fun for you, and he will probably do a sucky good job at it.
But anyway, first thing's first: you need to have a good talk with him. If he is incapable of doing this, you have far bigger problems on your hands... Good luck!
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Posted by JASMINE Wed Jan 14, 2009 12:35pm PST
At one time I had this same problem the only difference in the story is that my boyfriend explained to me why he didn't want to go down on me. Later on he found that it was alittle unfair that I was going down and he wasn't so he one tried it which took me by suprise and he enjoyed it so much that the next time we had sex he went down as soon as we started. I'm not sure why your boyfriend might freak when just talking about it but I know that my boyfriend at first just wasn't quite "into" it but I'm sure eventually your boyfriend will wonder what it would be like to go down. so I hope everything works out well for you.
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Posted by ..... Wed Jan 14, 2009 1:37pm PST
Just let him know in a kind voice that you would really like to experience it with him, and that you will help guide him through it. Then take a shower together so he can see you get nice and clean, and then help him out by talking to him and telling him where it feels good. Have him just lick you lightly at first until he gets used to it. He'll get the hang of it eventually. If he doesn't, I'd tell him maybe you want to find another partner. Maybe that will shock him into realizing what your doing without. Try it anyway.
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Posted by springtime Wed Jan 14, 2009 3:34pm PST
I agree with Pat. He's unsure of himself and has a fear of being inadequate. Also, it's possible that he thinks that part of a woman's anatomy is nasty... but , of course, it isn't.
Show him what it is down there... he may not really know. Encourage him to just look and touch and "nibble". He may be in for the delight of his life. For your sake and his, I hope so.
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Posted by RyneishaB_05 Wed Jan 14, 2009 3:56pm PST
He sounds really inmature if he doesnt even want to talk about it, usually guys love talking about that kind of stuff hes also being selfish maybe you shouldnt do him anymore until he comes around. Sometimes people are just not into it. He might be afraid he cant do it right and thats when you share with him what makes you feel good. Let him know that the relationship is 50/50 so if he wont lick your kat then your not gonna do him.
Good luck:)
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Posted by mike d Wed Jan 14, 2009 4:34pm PST
That's terrible. Hold out on him. Next time he wants some lovin', freak out on him, and tell him that's gross. That should get his attention.
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Posted by Friendly K Wed Jan 14, 2009 8:12pm PST
Tisk tisk... likes to receive without giving... The problem with becoming sexually experienced is it opens doors. Sometimes you leave the person you began the experience with behind. Trust me- if you are unhappy with his sexuality, then speak up and communicate because it could cause problems down the road...
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Posted by Krystal Wed Jan 14, 2009 9:22pm PST
I think it sounds like a bad thing that he freaks out, I mean if he doesn't freak out when u go down then something is definately up?... Also its really wrong when only 1 partner is doing all the work, it should be a fair deal. But ask him y he freaks out about it, get to the bottom of it n i hope u get a good answer ;-)
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Posted by harip Thu Jan 15, 2009 2:52am PST
hey u know what i can give u one...
haha
me n my gal always giv each other...
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Posted by BJG61 Thu Jan 15, 2009 5:48am PST
I realize that he has never went down on a woman. I think it is the best thing in the world. I can say this... I love to go down on my wife but I do not like to fight through the forest if you know what I mean (my wife is completely hair free). If you keep it trimmed then there is no way he should be afraid to try it. I first would talk to him to get an answer on why and if he still refuses to go down on you then stop giving him pleasure down there as well.
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