Q: My husband won't cuddle unless sex is on the agenda. What can I do?
A:I often hear this complaint from my women patients. For some men, sex
alone is enough to feel close; your husband may not need cuddling, or
he may even feel uncomfortable with affection. Whatever the reason,
it's understandable that this void would make you feel rejected. So
tell him how vital hugging and kissing are to your happiness, and
request affection when you need it—asking doesn't make the gestures any
less meaningful. Also, be sure to acknowledge the other ways he
expresses his love (like coming to the rescue when your computer
crashes), which will help you feel closer, too.
Browse answers from SELF’s beauty, nutrition, health and happiness experts, and send them your burning questions.
Related Links from SELF:
My husband won't cuddle unless sex is on the agenda. What can I do?
- by , on Mon Apr 7, 2008 8:39am PDT
- Read More from This Author »
- Let’s talk: Comment (5) | Blog
- Email to a Friend
- Print this Page
Syndication:
From the Community…
Comments 1-5 of 5
-
Posted by Tue Apr 8, 2008 6:32am PDT
Report Abusecindy423love is really irritating me by showing up on every blog and "plugging" the multiraciallove site.
Anyway, great article. Foreplay starts in the morning and goes all day. I would suggest talking to your husband and telling him specifically how you would like to be cuddled and how that opens you up more to sex with him. Something like, holding hands when watching a movie together, a ten second hug, kisses hello, good-bye, etc... if he knows exactly what you are looking for and feels he has a reason for doing it, it might help motivate him to do at least a few of the things for you.
-
Posted by Tue Apr 8, 2008 8:09am PDT
Report AbuseSo I don't get it -- sounds like the husband is willing to compromise and "cuddle" if the wife will also have sex, but it doesn't sound like she's happy about reciprocating. What gives?
And the advice columnist has mischaracterized the question. For example, the answer states: "For some men, sex alone is enough to feel close . . . ." Ah, excuse me -- the questioner didn't say the husband wanted JUST sex; she clearly suggested the husband was willing to cuddle but ALSO wanted sex. The wife, it seems, just wants to cuddle and withhold sex.
I think the advice columnist is reading the question to fit her own stereotype about husbands.
-
Posted by Tue Apr 8, 2008 9:48am PDT
Report AbuseHmmmmm, yes it would give me pause to think I was merely a sperm receptacle too. I don't think you should settle for less then you want. So, tell him what you need. I don't buy this stuff about men not being able to be affectionate.
-
Posted by Tue Apr 8, 2008 12:10pm PDT
Report AbuseI have to say I agree with Bud2192. I have voiced my feeling about cuddling b4 sex. Now we do what juicyher said and kinds make it an all day kiss, hug, hands thing! I am the one that doesn't wanna cuddle after sex in my house! I am hot tired and ready to sleep most of the time... I then again am a stay at home mom of 3 very hyper boys and dont have a lot of energy left for much of anything at night lol!
-
Posted by Fri Jun 20, 2008 10:03pm PDT
Report AbuseI am guy and I love cuddle. Cuddling is good for both parties. So do it more often just before sex.
Comments 1-5 of 5
leave your comment
You must sign in to post a comment