In my post last week, Are the Good Ole Days Over, Fools and Sages spoke about submission - an act he is clearly not in favor of:
"Submission is the act, instance, or condition of submitting. Submit means to yield to the authority of another, to defer. You can check dictionary.com. And if this is what some people think marriage is all about, y'all can keep it-- because I don't think anybody should SUBMIT in a marriage. I think it's about compromising, not yielding to the authority or deferring to the power of one spouse. In a marriage, the man and the woman should be equally empowered to express their thoughts and needs and find a common ground on which to exist as a couple."
I agree with a some of Fool's points, but not all, as I don't think he showed the full meaning of the word "submit".
Take the last definition, also in Dictionary.com, which states: "Law: an agreement between parties involved in a dispute, to abide by the decision of an arbitrator or arbitrators."
I interpret this to mean as long as both parties are in agreement over the rules, then some submission from both partners in the relationship is in order. (Fool's even says as much himself.)
I'll even go so far to say that sometimes submission is in order simply to keep peace. (I'm curious if Fool might agree.) For example, I don't always agree with Rex's conservative stance on money. I would have a lot more vacations, and a remodeled kitchen, if he loosened up his financial belt.
Did I let my opinions be known - loudly? Sure. Did it cause a lot of friction? Absolutely. Did I become an insolent crankpot sometimes? That'd be a, "Yes Mam With Jalapeno Peppers on Top."
Last year, I gave in. I submitted. Why? Because Rex wasn't going to. I didn't want to live with anger between us. I weighed the better of two evils, and decided that my stance wasn't worth forsaking peace in our home.
The upshot of my actions is that Rex started submitting more, too. We've had more social events, outings and flexibility in childcare than we've ever had in the past, despite this not being his nature. And yet, he's seen how happy it makes me, just like I see how much happier he is with a budget that will take us through retirement (even if the old kitchen follows us there, too).
A final thought on submission is stated in Dictionary.com's #4: "Something that is submitted: An application."
For the purposes of my marriage, I am attempting to submit patience and forgiveness over stubbornness and upheaval. This might not win me any bonus points for the "all must be 50/50" crowd, but it's gained me a prizewinning relationship with someone I adore - faults, warts, and all.
Thoughts on this delicate subject? And thanks, Fools, for a great discussion jump-off as usual!
Posted by Andrea Frazer
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