07-01-08
Life has been better
Lately,
Than ever before.
Never have I been
Capable,
Of living the life
I expected.
Now,
I am doing it.
Dee said
“how old were you when I met you?”
“I was 14 and You were 19”
I replied.
“you have every thing that you wanted too by this age.
I remember you telling me,
What you were going to do,
Way Back then
And
Now you’ve done it.”
I guess that is probably the best
Complement I have
Ever had.
The city
Is washed out today.
Like
A picture printed
With out enough ink,
Or post card left in the sun.
The news said that
The haze is
Smoke
Drifting up here from
The massive fires
In Southern California.
Its sad,
The fires there
are devastating,
Eating threw peoples homes and lives,
Like the
Neighborhoods were a field of hay.
It seems to me
That lately
Weather has been more extreme.
We had another
Set of
Tornado like winds,
In Clark county.
When is it going to stop
I wonder.
Will humans,
Consume this world like
A virus,
Taking every once
Of her resources
Until she is exhausted.
I hope not,
There has been a
Movement
Lately, more people are
Eco-friendly.
Not so tree hugger now.
It’s trendy to do
All the small stuff.
Like recycle,
And drive greener cars.
People are conscious of
The issues
And are watching their
Carbon Footprint.
_____________________
07-02-08
Tonight was
Nothing short
Of
Amazing.
Chris came over.
I baked pizza,
We drank beer
And I drank a little wine.
We watched 2 movies.
They were bootleg copies
I bought from a guy
who comes to the car lot.
I think,
At first he was friends
With Chris Robinson
Now he knows me.
He calls me sweetheart
And lets me look through
His shoe box of movies unattended.
We call him Broadway.
I don’t know why.
Chris made me feel
So good tonight.
The way he touches me
Sometimes. . .
It leaves me
At a loss
For words.
Today,
He came up
Behind me
And
Kissed my neck
Twice.
Once when I was on the phone
And once when I was cooking.
It was the sweetest
Thing
Ever.
I love when he does that.
There was a lighting storm,
Up in the clouds.
It was really exotic
The clouds lit up orange
Like little balls of fire.
I stood in front of him.
He pulled me onto him,
Not sexually,
Just comfortable.
We slept
For awhile on the couch,
Me sprawled out,
Literally,
On top of him,
And it didn’t bother him
He told me to
“knock it off”
When I asked
If I was crushing him.
I think he likes when
I lay on him.
I could
Feel Him
Tonight.
He felt warm like
He was happy.
We didn’t really
Mean to have sex.
It kind of,
Just happened,
Smooth,
You know.
He started by banging me,
that’s my favorite,
He made me come
A couple of times.
Mmmmm….
Just thinking of it gives me tingles.
He didn’t finish.
Or
He said he didn’t.
I think he did though.
I know what his face
Looks like when he comes.
Tonight
He made that face.
I could care less either way.
I was ready to be done.
For some reason,
He kind of
Freaked out.
Took off fast.
He said
That its not me.
I know he’s telling the truth,
By the tone in his voice
He kept saying he was sorry,
I don’t know why.
He did every thing right.
He asked if I was ok.
I told him
That I was fine.
That girls brains don’t change
Like guys brains do
After they come.
He asked me what that meant.
I told him that
Every thing was just as good
Now
As it was before we had sex.
I gave him a hug,
Told him,
“maybe next time you can stay.”
He said that he would come stay the night
Tomorrow night.
I was surprised.
I don’t think we have ever
Hung out two nights
In a row.
I have always kind of made a point of
spreading it out.
I’m glad,
it’s a step forward,
For both of us.
_________________
07-03-08
Well that didn’t work out.
I am so sick
I had to cancel our date.
It sucks but oh well.
We’ll make up for it later
I’m sure.
I really hope Culver
And
Kristina
Hook up.
First of all,
Culver and Chris
Are buddies,
So we could all go out,
K and I could hang
Culver and Chris
Could hang.
It would make family events,
Way more fun.
Second,
Culver is really
A nice guy.
I don’t want him.
I don’t know why
I never felt that crushy feeling
For him.
He is a good boyfriend
On paper.
So
I was interested,
But
He would never have
“done it”
For me,
If you know what I mean.
I think Kristina
Deserves a guy like Culver.
Some one to show her
She is worth something.
And She is wanted
By some one who
Isn’t garbage.
I am so congested.
My head feels like
I’m in a jet
Lifting off.
My chest is heavy
And my ear drums feel
Swollen And sensitive.
All my glands in my neck
Hurt Inside and out.
When I cough
It comes in fits,
Its even worse
because my throat
Hurts so bad.
I think I’ll chug some
Nyquil
And pass out.
______________________________________
07-05-08
Yesterday was the 4 th of July,
I wish I hadn’t been sick.
Mom came over,
She buzzed around
All day
Going way over the top
About everything.
I had to yell at her to stop,
She never did.
I’m so tired of that.
My whole life,
She has done
Whatever she feels is best
With no regard for others.
She asks to be waited on,
Bosses around children,
Has over the top theories
About everything,
And she tells you about
The same ones
Every time
She hangs out with you.
Its like she has a canned
Planned
Speech to say
And that’s all
She knows or has interest in
Talking about.
Even if you start talking
About something
Interesting
To people other
Than her,
She will either
Some how regain control
Of the conversation
And direct it back to her own
Self interest,
Or
Accuse you of cutting her off.
She says things
And makes people
Do things that are weird
And
Uncomfortable
All the time
And
She wonders why
No one wants her around.
She will go into your
Refrigerator
Pull out food
And tell you why
You shouldn’t eat it.
I wanted to have
A glass of wine,
On independents day,
In my house.
She had a
Temper tantrum
And
Called me an alcoholic.
She always has some
New health issue.
She excuses
Any inappropriate behavior
By saying her insulin was messed up.
When she says that
I almost bust up laughing.
Every one knows a diabetic,
Never have I met any one who acted like that.
I’m tired of it.
Yesterday I was sick.
She took advantage of me.
She walked all over me
Knowing that
I really didn’t have the strength to
Fight her.
I kept telling her to shut up.
Some times
Even I have a hard time
Pretending
To care about the bull s---
She talks about.
She preaches
Constantly,
About eating healthy,
Eating organic,
Taking care of your self
Exercising,
But she’s fat,
Obese,
Huge.
She is the single most unhealthy person
I have ever known
And she looks like crap
All the time.
She is always telling me to
Change my clothes
When she wears
Ratty value village looking clothes
That don’t fit
And have never
Ever
Been trendy.
She tells me what to do at work
Though she has never held down a job.
She comes over and cleans my house
Reprimanding me for messes
When she herself
Never cleaned while we grew up.
She was lucky to get out of bed
At all for awhile.
She treats her husband like s---.
Embarrassingly bad.
Every time
She goes any where around
People I know
They ask me later
Why she treats him like that.
Even people at the lot
Asked me why he lets her do that to him.
They came over early
Stayed for like
12 hours.
It was horrible.
Pete was cool,
The fireworks were cool,
We ate good food,
Mom was a problem,
Like an unruly child
Making the whole house stressful.
It one point
I hid in my bathroom,
Sat on the toilet
And
Wished she would just go away.
It wasn’t fair
I am so sick
Even sicker today,
From the stress no doubt.
All the way up till the end
She didn’t heed my wishes,
Even though we were in my house,
She couldn’t be a guest,
Well
I don’t know that I will have her back.
I know she is my mother
But man,
I cant handle the
White trash
Over the top
Way
She delivers
White collar
Information.
On another note,
The fireworks
Were
Amazing.
I watched out my widow
As
Mortar after mortar
Exploded.
It was beautiful,
We could see
Part of the Lake Oswego show,
Than oaks park was a good view,
Than downtown Portland had its show,
Than fort Vancouver did there big blow out.
We could only see part of that in real life,
But we watched it on tv
And heard
The music it was choreographed to,
While we watched it out side.
BG came over,
He watched the show and left,
I didn’t even kiss him
I think that he should
Get the message.
_____________________
06-06-08
Yesterday ended badly,
I wanted some one
To make me feel better.
To take care of me while
I was sick.
Mom obviously didn’t work out
So I called Cole.
Stupid me.
He tried to get a ride
And like a teenager
Couldn’t.
I went and got him,
In Donald.
I live about 45 minutes from there
Each way.
He was rude to me straight off.
I walked up and gave him a hug.
He was sitting on the floor
Facing the TV.
He didn’t make any effort to move
When I hugged him.
I went to the bathroom
And
Walked in on Kelsey.
Oops.
I went to grab Cole and go
But he was walking out for a
Smoke.
I followed him,
“are you ready?”
I said.
He looked at me as though
I was crazy.
“No, I want to smoke a cigarette first.”
He said.
I truly felt like crap
So I asked him,
“can you smoke it in the car? I just feel really sick.”
He said no so I went and sat
On the hot tub that I gave to K
I watched him smoke for a second
Than went in and used the bathroom.
When I came back out
He was ready
So we left.
I let him drive,
Because he wanted to.
He got in and told me,
That “no one had ragged on him like that lately,”
I didn’t think I was ragging
And that “I’m not one of his girlfriends, so he’s not obligated to hurry”
I don’t know why,
But that hurt.
Not because I’m not one of his girlfriends
But because,
I thought he would have hurried
Any way because I was sick.
I would have done it for him.
The whole car ride
I got to hear
What a piece of s--- I am.
He said that everyone says
That I’m a stuck up b---- .
God, I hope that’s not true.
He told me all about
His new 26 year old
Girlfriend.
She
Aparently
Makes more money than me,
Owns a home,
Flips houses,
Is a financial consultant,
Dresses better than me
And
Strips
On the side.
He said that if I dress better
And had a better attitude
Than I wouldn’t look so fat.
I feel like dying now.
And it’s the next day.
We came back to my apartment.
He kept laying into me
Saying that I judge everyone
That I acted like I was better than other poeple.
He told me
That K told him
That I tried to get with
McClure and he didn’t want me so
I tried to get with Culver,
And that he didn’t want me.
I hate her.
And
I hate me today.
I feel like dying
I don’t think I have ever
Been as depressed as
I feel right now.
I text McClure last night.
Thought maybe he would say
Something,
Anything,
That would make it so I had some hope.
He never text back.
So
I hardly slept last night,
Cole is in my bed,
But
I cant stand the thought of him
Touching me right now.
I can’t really stand the thought
Of being touched period today,
I just feel worthless.
I want to curl up in a ball,
In a corner
With the door locked.
I don’t know If I ever want to come out.
I cant stand the thought of facing
Work
Tomorrow.
I’ll handle it,
Right now I‘m not sure how
But
I will.
I made $1400 less last month
Than normal.
Dad, made me feel like s---
About it yesterday,
When I needed a draw to pay my rent.
I told him that its his job to buy the cars,
And that if I only have 70 cars to advertise
And we sell 67
that’s good numbers.
But
I cant afford to live on that,
So he needs to buy more cars.
We usually are sitting at 110
In stock,
To advertise.
He said its hard to buy right now.
I already knew that,
But he is the one who is supposed
To go out and find them.
So,
I’m broke too.
I have no one to turn to.
I really need some one
To talk to.
Some one who understands
What I’m going through.
I want that person to be Chris,
I don’t know If I could stand
To tell him all of this though.
I don’t know why,
But I feel like every time
I’m around him,
I stumble over my words,
And cant quite get sentences to form correctly.
I feel like an idiot.
I don’t know why he does that to me.
I should be more comfortable around him.
He makes me feel like a little girl.
I have done a life time of things
In 21 short years
And
Chris McClure
Makes me nervous.
I struggled,
With mom and her abuse,
Then dad and his DUII
And his Recovery
Which basically made him an a---- .
He was always yelling,
For the first while we were with him.
I remember that night,
I was watching
The oscars,
Dad was running late.
He got home,
Stumbled up the steps,
I grabbed him,
Helped him up.
This was not really that strange
Of an occurrence to me,
It was a much more
Stable and predictable
Home than I had just left.
He asked me to cook some Mac and cheese.
I helped him upstairs where he sat to talk to K
I went and cooked Mac and Cheese like he had said.
When I brought him his dinner,
K told me that he had fallen asleep
Mid sentence and laid back on the chase lounge
With his feet still firmly on the ground
And passed out.
When the cops got to the house later,
They asked me if he was drunk when he got home,
I told them that he had drank several beers since getting home.
They asked why his truck was full of beer cans.
I was at a loss.
They asked why there was white paint
All down one side.
Once again,
I had nothing to say.
They told me that some one had reported him,
For hit and run.
They told me that the person had followed him.
All the way to Vancouver then home.
They told me,
That it was one of his customers,
On the freeway,
That he was supposed to help them
But instead he sideswiped
There van
And ran.
Quality.
Any way,
After that,
He had to quit drinking
And he was a total dick.
I was still completely damaged,
And acting out,
From the situation with mom.
I had met a boy who I thought might
Understand me,
He seemed so old and experienced.
He was not a good kid,
I think I had low self esteem.
He was in and out of jail at
15
I got pregnant.
I have always been against abortion
But at 14
Your family sees that
As the only way out.
I was young and glassy eyed,
Looking at the glamour
Of the situation,
Not taking into account
What having a child means.
My dad told me that
I would get fat,
And that Eddie would leave me,
He said that he would end up raising the child,
And that he didn’t want another kid,
He was to old.
He told me to stay in my room
Until
I decided
To
Terminate the pregnancy.
I don’t remember
Exactly what happened
And I don’t remember
The days following all that well.
I remember Sue
Telling me that it would be ok,
That It would all go away,
She explaned the abortion,
Told me she had done it
That I should do it.
Looking back,
It was probably the most
Life shaping talk Sue and I have ever had.
It may have been the most
Life changing talk I have ever had.
After all,
I walked out of that room
Knowing that I wouldn’t be a mom,
Not yet.
And Having a child,
Would have changed everything.
I remember Sue helping me
Get an appointment,
She always stepped in for dad
On those Mom jobs that he really
Couldn’t and wouldn’t want to do.
The clinic was scary,
I went for a consultation visit.
They did an ultrasound and
Made the appointment.
Durring this time
I found some drugs
that I had experamented with
Durring the End of the mom years.
Stupid me,
This girl told me she wanted them,
So I brought them to her.
She took them at school.
I got caught.
She freaked out,
Said she was Oding,
Had her stomach pumped.
They expelled me.
I don’t remember much about
That time.
I was lost I guess.
I managed to pull it together,
For a meeting with the principle.
He said that he knew the principle
At my last school.
She had told him that
I was a good girl,
That I would do any thing
To fit in though.
While at the time I didn’t agree
In retrospect,
My self esteem was pretty low,
And she was probably right.
He let me finish the term,
In a special program
Where,
I would go to the same class room
Every day,
Monday thru Thursday
From 11am-4pm
I think
He knew that I was going threw
A hard time.
How could he not,
My mom was still trying to get us.
They banned her from coming to the school,
And wouldn’t give her any of K’s info.
She was Irate.
When I went for the abortion,
All
I
Remember
Thinking
On the way there
Was. “No, No, I don’t want to do this.
I don’t want to kill my baby.”
Some how
I managed to get through it.
Eddie was there,
But not when they did it.
They held my hand,
And explaned what they were doing.
I remember
I couldn’t get the scared look
Off of my face.
I wanted to be adult about it,
But I couldn’t
I felt so guilty,
So petrified.
In the recovery room,
He held my hand,
They gave me
Cookies and juice.
I cried.
They gave me a depo shot.
Little did I know at the time
That stuff is poison.
When we left,
I saw Tacobell.
I don’t know why but I was starving
Like I was empty.
I asked to stop,
Sue told me that the same thing
Happened to her when she did it
And that she went to the same tacobell.
I don’t know why
But
That was the most
Comforting thing
She could have said.
At some point shortly after,
Eddie and I broke up.
I was so angry
Angry at me
My dad
My mom
My Sister,
Who would lock her self in her room
For hours
At the time.
I went down town
Looking for love.
I was one of the lucky ones
I was found by the guy that
Ran the show.
Dee.
He liked me
For him.
He wanted me
But never took it.
He let me stay with him.
In his storage unit.
We sold pot
On the square
I don’t know why.
Like I said
I was lost.
With out him,
Any one could have found me,
Turned me out,
Gave me drugs,
But
He claimed me,
Told the other guys to stay away.
He gave me confidence
He told me that I was something
He told me I was smart
Loved what I had to say.
He loved me for me.
The beauty, he said,
I had inside me.
Well
That’s enough of that.
Back to now
Belive it or not
Veezy called me
And brought
Me back from
The dark place I was in.
We talked for awhile
Friendly,
He was sweet.
Said that they wanted me to come down.
He said they need my smiling face down there.
So I’m going to go see them.
Thank god
For friends like veezy.
____________________________
So I took Cole back to K’s
I am not going to hang out
With him any more.
I found out that
Coles new Girlfriend
Is really
An ugly stripper,
And
Some one in her family
Is the one who flips houses.
McClure said he had plans
To go to the movies
With the riv.
Culver and I have standing joke
About when Chris lies.
We both can tell when its bull s---.
The thing that doesn’t make sense
Is why lie at all.
I wouldn’t care if he just told me
That he was shopping for a couch
With Culver.
Culver already told me that he was going to Ikea
This morning when he called me.
I wouldn’t have cared.
I would have just said to come over after.
Well he’s still supposed to come over later,
We will see.
_____________________
07-10-08
I have had it with McClure.
He blew me off again.
The worst part about it
Was the lying.
I don’t know why he lied
It doesn’t make sense
I asked if he wanted to do
Something.
He said no
That he was going to a movie with
His dad.
Right than Veezy
Walked in and said
So when did you want to go
Buy that couch tonight.
Chris was like
No I cant go I have to go with my dad.
Vezzy, looked at him confused
And said,
You just said you wanted to go.
Later they went out and
Bought veezy a couch.
Chris kept the lie going.
He even told me later
That he had just gotten out of the movie
And that it was to late to hang out.
I know they were at Ikea
Veezy told me when he called me that
He was going to Ikea.
I wanted to make sure
That it really was
A
Lie.
So,
The next morning
I walked up to Veezy
And said,
“Did you guys find a nice couch”
He was like
“first of all,
I was couch shopping,
Big-un may have been with me
But he wasn’t doing the shopping”
So I knew I was right
I usually am.
Its sad
But I date a
compulsive liar.
So, a couple days later,
I decided to shop some more.
I realized something.
I am a long term companion
Kind of girl.
I don’t like being single.
Single
Is
Boring
And
Lonely.
I like all the stuff that goes into a relationship.
All the family sort of stuff
Like when I had the boys.
Less the
Addictions
and
Abuse
We had a good family.
So,
I went online
And met someone new.
I think I really like him
He has so much character.
He likes old things.
Not trashy stuff,
Just nice old antiques.
It throws me off,
How much we have in common.
He, like me,
Works at a car lot, (does all of it)
Posts craigslist ads,
Likes older people stuff
(my affliction for puzzles, kniting and gardening)
Is 21,
Hangs out and lives in happy valley/ milwaukie area.
Smokes pot,
Likes cats,
His mom’s name is Diana
He went to collage for 2 years
And likes to drive.
Every time we talk,
We can have an educated
Opinionated but nice
Conversation.
Never have I dated
Someone who has there life set up.
He is an adult
Through and through
And so am I.
At this age,
It is so hard to
Find people who are adults.
Most of the time
Guys are teetering between
Child and adult right now
But this one is
All Man.
He says he wants to find
“The One”
I feel the same way.
I’m going to take it slow,
Go back to my good girl roots.
I am a good girl,
I was always
The good one
In a life full of bad ones.
He has never done hard drugs,
I told him of my experiences.
I told him
I wished I could take it back.
I had a good time.
Mom and Dad will love this one.
He is so sweet, career driven,
And traditional.
---------------------------------
Later
Sitting here,
I was wondering
Why
I’m having
A problem
Letting my self
Like This One.
BG kind of
Screwed with me
Because he made himself out
To be so different than
He actually is.
I was having a little problem
With him being
Weird
But
Than
I relized
That I like that.
I’m weird too.
I’m into all sorts of
Weird stuff,
Like history,
(did I mention that he wants
to be a history teacher)
Non main stream music,
Art, Photography, Writing.
I think the other thing
That was bothering me
Was that he has his own life.
I have always dated
People who didn’t really
Have themselves established.
They didn’t know who they were,
So I molded them into whatever
I thought they would be good as.
Like a pet, or a toy.
Dee
Was the only one
Who had his own character
From the start.
Now
Tony knows exactly who he is.
He brings to the table,
An adult life
Complete with
House, car, colorful past, Job
And not just your run of the mill job.
An everything job,
A car lot job,
Basically
Just like me.
We are both bringing worlds
That are complete,
Except for the other one of us.
So
Its weird to me.
I guess maybe its because
He doesn’t need me.
I have never not been needed.
Now,
I’m scared because that means
He has to like me for me.
I know its just my insecurity,
But I don’t know if my personality,
Morals, and character
Are going to meet up
To his expectations.
--------------------------------------------------
07-11-08
Today
Is
Hard.
Cole cut me down to nothing
Yesterday,
Once again
All I could think of
Was hiding in a dark place
Where no one could see me
And
I couldn’t see myself
He came into the sales office,
Said
“hey culver you wanna go see my Girl Friend naked?”
I was sitting right next to culver
Talking to him.
It was like being stabbed.
So I defended myself
Just a little
Threw in some comments.
McClure
Told me not to try and start s---
With my ex
In his office.
I couldn’t believe it.
Here Cole was,
Talking s---,
And
I was the one who got told to stop.
I thought they were my friends.
I guess I was wrong.
It hurt so bad when I left.
I didn’t say good bye
Just got in my car
And
Drove away.
Right after I left
Work called.
I answered, it was Cole.
I said hello,
All he said was
“I’ll think about you when I come in her ass”
I have never had words
Hurt me so bad.
I found out who my friends are.
I guess I don’t have any.
Before
I thought I had friends
Who cared about me,
A sister who loved me
And
Some one to date who cared about me.
Turns out,
I’m all alone.
I’m Tired of trying.
I don’t have any one who cares about me.
Maybe Dad,
But that’s it.
McClure Cares more about what
Other people think than
About me.
Culver
Just does what’s in it for him,
With out thinking about
Any one else.
I’m so tired of feeling like every ones door mat.
I just want to feel special,
Just a little,
I don’t need much.
Just some one who cares.
Some one who wants to hear
About my day.
Some one who would stand up for me.
I don’t know if any one would.
I cant stand this,
I’m so depressed
It cant be healthy
But at this point,
I don’t really care.
Some times
I want to leave everyone,
Tell em all
f--- You.
f--- You
For taking so much of me
And never giving back
And not caring.
These people have strip mined me
Of everything that made me love myself.
Leaving me with a gravel pit
Where my self esteem used to be.
I’m so done,
Something has to change.
Or
I don’t know if I can do it
Much longer.
________________________________
07-15-08
I’m sitting here in my beautiful apartment
Staring out over my beautiful view,
Feeling empty
Like a mason jar.
I have all the things that I want
But
I don’t have love.
Sweet, sticky, honest
Love.
How is it
That reaching my goals so young
And
Being so career driven
Has isolated me from
The World I Live In.
I know I’m different
Because of my history.
I know that I am not young
Mentally
Like so many of my peers,
But
I too, am human,
I need friends
Social interaction.
I don’t know what
I’m looking for
I just know that I cant find it.
I feel empty,
The cards fell
And they left a mess.
I knew that it would hurt,
But not this much.
I don’t miss Cole
I miss having another person
To share with.
None of this
Matters to me when there isnt
Any one to share it with.
I want a family.
Maybe not in the traditional sense
Just one other person
To tell me everything
Who I can tell everything.
I know it makes me kind of a dork,
But
I put together a personal ad.
Here it is;
Hi my name is Angela,
I am an advertising manager by trade and title but I love to write. I am not the dark writer type. People often describe me as sweet and bubbly. I am in the middle of writing a book right now, just a novel. Its about 110 pages as of yet but I plan on making it as long as it needs to be to be done. I love deep discussions. My family owns a car dealership, it consumes allot of my life. I love it. I work hard and it rewards me well.
I know that I am young, I am only twenty one, but I have fit a life time of experiences in that short time. Sometimes I feel as though I'm on the second time around.
I grew up around here, I had a colorful childhood and moved out early, I went to collage at Johnson and Whales University in North Miami, I carried a 4.0 so they sent me to study at their International School of Business in Gothenburg, Sweden. That trip taught me so much about myself and the world we live in. I have a certification in Economics and European Studies. I never finished school, the business here needed me. I fully plan on finishing sometime. Not for the money, just because I love to learn. Than I came back to the states and took in two teenage boys who were in need of some guidance. I had them for just over a year.
I like movies and books, some fiction others not. Right now I'm reading a book on Sociology. I love to paint, people mostly, abstract. I like beautiful views. My apartment has panoramic views of Portland. I like camping, quading, boating, jet skiing, skiing and traveling. I'm a thrill seeker and I'm not very innocent. I have a past but I am a good girl.(unless its time to be bad) As far as makeup use, I draw the line at powder and mascara and it takes me all of 20 seconds to apply.
I don't have any kids, I hope to have some in the future but not for awhile. I understand about social classes. I don't really pay attention to it but I do have nice things. I think what separates people more than income or demographics is there interests and ability to think. I like people who think. If you think that I sound like some one that you would like to know email me back. You can learn more about me at www.myspace.com/angiesplace4u
Let me tell you something about me that isn't something I would say on a job interview. I love walking in the rain, I don't wipe the drops away, just let them slide down my nose and drip off. I love to play, sometimes, I like to swing and laugh just like I was 8 years old again. I love to cook, garden and be hopelessly romantic. I love cars, and I would be shocked if you drive a car that I have never heard of. I have class. I have experienced both sides of that coin and I have settled firmly in the hills. I don't like it when guys never let me pay, not always, just sometimes, especially when they complain about being broke. I'm not broke. Some guys are intimidated by women who can stand on their own two feet. If that's you, I'm sorry. I am not over the top about fashion but I dress well and carry my self well. I like stimulating conversation, and driving. Though I also like to be driven around. I have a nice car and will let someone I trust drive me around in it. I like to laugh. I love listening to music, all different kinds. Whatever is interesting gets on my play list. I like computers though I'm not great at fixing them. I like the teal crayon, its a deep color. I do sing in the car and I like Caramel Machiatos or a Milky Way Mocha. I am spoiled and a little high maintenance but I spoil myself and all I want really is to feel like a princess. I don't need a sugar daddy, I don't need someone clingy, I want a best friend and partner. Someone to tell everything to and someone to tell me everything. I do like a guy who is strong willed, I don't want a lay down. Sometimes I whine and need some one to tell me to stop. I'm not perfect but my flaws give me character. I don't know what more to say, so here you are. This is me.
I have my life put together except, I'm lonely. I just want some one to talk to, hang out with, be best friends with, fall in love with... maybe.
So, If I sound like what your looking for, than email me.
I think that displays the tip of the
Ice burg
Well.
I guess I need to figure out what I really want.
I have been seeing Tony.
He seems nice,
He’s a car guy,
But I cant help
But feel that there is something
He isn’t telling me.
He is also still in love with his ex.
I’m not really down to be second best
Or back burner.
But what do I want,
And why is it so hard to figure out.
I always thought
That if I got
To this point,
The point where I can live
Comfortably,
The point where I have my s--- together,
Someone else
Just as driven as me
Would just love me
Because of it.
What I have found is that,
There are very few
Guys,
My age
Who have
A life,
Well put together or not.
So
I continue
Feeling heavy.
Feeling low and
Feeling unwanted.
-------------------------------
This economy is getting crazy.
Banks are going nose up
Houses arent worth any thing
Jobs are scarce
The car market is flip flopping
Around like a dying fish
And
Gas doubled in price.
Freddie Mac and Fannie May dropped 45%
In six days.
Four days ago,
The FDIC
Took over IndyMac Bancorp.
People lost millions.
Bank accounts are only insured
Up to
$100,000.
Lots everywhere arn’t selling.
Not just one or two
Every lot I have been to recently.
The auctions are packed
The cars are over priced
And
The trucks are worth there weight in metal.
These are crazy times.
The government is sending out checks
From money that doesn’t exist
To
“stimulate the economy”
The problem is
Its monopoly money
That spends real.
Inflation is out of control
And
The middle class is the hardest hit.
Every dollar buys
Significantly less
Than it did a year ago.
People make the same amount
But
Mortgage payments doubled,
Gas doubled,
And
Every thing is more expensive.
The same brand of bread cost $1.09
Now cost $2.49
These are uncertain times.
___________________________