I've come to the conclusion that lots of sex is good for marriage. It's what so many men need to feel connected. It's what so many women need and sometimes don't know that they need. If you're a tired wife, it's about taking time out of your day and putting your husband at the top of the to-do list. (Literally.)
As a husband, it's about honoring his spouse in the areas that are the most important to her. Perhaps it's remembering to bring her a soda at the end of the day, or just compliment her on how well she's raising the kids or working at her job.
Perhaps you are the enigma - the woman who works, coaches the soccer team, cooks organic meals and can't wait to get naked with your spouse at the end of day. If such is the case, I'd love to hear from you. (And so would many male readers here.)
I'm not going to lie - I'm sometimes not in the mood for sex. For those of you (mostly men) who have snidely commented that perhaps my husband should find someone else to have sex with if it's such a chore for me, you're just going to have to get over it. I don't hate sex, it's simply not the first thing on my mind at the end of a long day. The fact that we still have sex three to five times/week is fairly remarkable - the fact that it's actually taking place andthe sex itself.
Part of what has encouraged me to keep the passion sizzling is a quickie. To me, it means a half hour tops. This isn't much time, and yet the benefits are worth it. It's a lot of fun, too, to see what can get someone riled up in a short period. In fact, some of our best sex is when we aren't working so hard or over thinking it. It just is- the meeting of two bodies and souls taking a breather from the insanity of the world to just be together.
The idea of a quickie took some getting used to for me. I tend to abstain from last minute dinners at the drive through. I would rather not see friends than rush through it. Even at preschool, when I'm supposed to be efficiently dropping my kids off and heading out for alone time, I find myself loitering in the hall, catching up on the latest community news or chatting up the teachers. When I'm not frazzled, I can enjoy the present. Nothing about my attitude in life represents rushed sex.
And yet, in the bedroom, more things quicker rather than less times slower has meant steadier growth in all areas of my marriage. And there's even time at night to do other things, like blog, watch TV and go out for leisurely dinners with girlfriends in the time saved. Now that's making sex work for me.
Posted by Andrea Frazer
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