Love + Sex

From the Community…

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  Posted by Renae Fri Jul 4, 2008 2:30pm PDT

  It is just great sex.

  If sex is what you what you want then who are

  with now is fine.

  If love is what you are after, then hate to bring you bad news, but you are settling.

  If you want love, wouldn't you prefer a man who had a career and a place

  of his own???

  Instead, what you have now is a boy toy, not a man.....

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  Posted by ButterScotch Fri Jul 4, 2008 7:11pm PDT

  Yes Renae Im affraid you're right and since that's not what I want I need to stand my ground and stop listing to my D~@^{ body and I most definitely need to stop listening to him cause like I said his talk game is and can be off the chain so thanks for the response

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  Posted by delilahg7 Fri Jul 4, 2008 9:04pm PDT

  Hi Butterscotch,

  Yes girl I didn't want to have to tell you this but as soon as I read your story, my playa attenas went up. When he called you he had a plan from the start.

  this is a man who had already planned out his game to seduce the older woman and get free room and board, food and grub.

  I'm not saying that every younger man has his playa game on when he's dating an older women, but let's face it, this one did.

  And nine out of ten I don't think that you're in love with him, I just think he's good at making you think you're in love. In other words he has all the right moves. And the fact that he purposely waited to have sex with you just says that ol boy got SERIOUS game.

  Here's my advice to you, whip out your female playette platium card(that every female owns)and make like a playa and meticulously seduce him out of your life, Ok? This way you will free yourself up for REAL LOVE - where NO imitations are allowed.

  Good Luck!

  Delilah

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  Posted by Ms. Ingy Sat Jul 5, 2008 10:55am PDT

  Kick him to the curb toot sweet!!!!

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  Posted by Daniel Sun Jul 6, 2008 12:16am PDT

  I was the guy in this same situation with a woman that was smart enough to save us both a lot of wasted time. Even if he is being true which at his age a lot of things seem like love that are not. In the first place it is not just the sex, it is the high school bring back of no real issues or problems, the doors being held, flowers, and the loss of time. Idealistic jestures are great, but they become old after awhile. I use to do the same thing time and time again for every woman I ever dated and found that after a couple of months what was taken to the ooh and aah factor was now a sign of weakness and looked down on. The thing about great sex is just like great chocalate you only want so much untill you begin to want something more. The thing is enjoy this as a fling, express it as such and get out of it. You are wasting his and your own time. Have fun with it, but know it is just that. Guys always go from 20-30 as 2 different people. Hope this guys view helps.

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  Posted by Mary B Sun Jul 6, 2008 9:08am PDT

  Yeah, I have a lover who is 20 years younger than I. And he is the sweetest young man as well despite living in Budapest and having a myriad of obstacles between us (his career pays only $10K a year in USD and he rents), we've hung in there long distance between visits for about 6 months now. And I've tried to break it off numerous times because the reality is that he will change when he matures fully... And I want kids now before it's too late. So, there are realistic choices to make none of which should be based on money or status because these material effects change for everyone at every age.

  I would instead look into your heart and glean what you can from this situation and accept it for what it is. You have a love... true love, it sounds like. Just stay realistic about it. Your choices 19 years ago are not the same as they are today, true? So my advice is to cut yourself (and him) some slack... certainly don't support him or take him in since this is bad behavior for ANY woman to do with ANY man (have you read, "Getting to I Do" yet?). You need to be loved and protected (not in a submissive way) as a female and he's only capable of giving you so much in the way of intimacy, love, support... So, enjoy what it offers you but keep your options open.

  I feel for you. I suffer daily over my lover and I'm attractive, fit and successful. So, it's not uncommon for souls to see past the body when age is not a determining factor. But, it will be one day. And you will feel doubly worse (confused, lost, desperate) if he takes a lover if you've given him financial support, etc. Try to stay in a position of self-care first...nurture yourself in healthy ways and then let him be that extra special love affair that you'll never forget. :)

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  Posted by chvylvrs Sun Jul 6, 2008 9:32am PDT

  Okay, let's think about this. There are some things that you didn't say. Like does he still live with his parents and why? Is he caring for someone that he lives with like and aging parent, grandparent etc.? Maybe he doesn't have a job for this reason. Has he ever had you pay for everything? Ask you to do expensive outings where he knows you would be the one footing the bill? Are you buying him things and now he just takes it for granted? Seems like there is more to this situation than is being told. You can have great sex with a one night stand, but this guy waited for what a month? Seems like maybe he just wanted to be sure. Maybe I am a hopeless romantic, but have you ever had this with anyone else? Think about it, maybe he is just going through a rough patch. Try to look at it from a different view point. Don't put the thoughts of: well, what does he really see in me-I'm so much older than him-obviously he sees something or he wouldn't be around. Now if he slowly moved into your home, expected you to pay for all of his expenses, asked for money, drives your car, and runs up your bills with no concern as to how he would help or contribute to paying for them, then yes I would say you have a huge problem on your hands. Great sex can cloud your judgement in affairs of the heart, but it would eventually come out in the wash. This seems like its more than just that, sounds a bit more involved. Either way, I wish you the best in this adventure that we call life.

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  Posted by shameka.gant Sun Jul 6, 2008 4:51pm PDT

  BUTTERSCOTCH Yes they are all right he is a young player that want's to tell all his friends that he got a older woman and he can get some anytime he want why because he knows how to play you'r body so yes forgive me for what i'am about to say but hay ----- his little brains out then send him home to mommy.lol

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  Posted by ButterScotch Mon Jul 7, 2008 3:18pm PDT

  Well thanks so much everyone for the advice.And chvylvrs there is no more to the story he was'nt working when we meet and he was living at home with his parents who by the way are not alling in any way. I finnally done enough excuse my french B----ing!!!! and he went and got a job at taco bell which lasted all of 2 mo.and no he does'nt ask me for money or to go to elaborate places but when we do go out or should I say when we did go out he footed the bill and as for him driving my car Im very old school and the woman drives the man car not the other way around.and as far as moving into my place nope that aint happen either been there done that and I don't intend on doing it again.And yes i've tried to look at the situation from a different view point but the only view I keep seeing is him not having a job,car,or place of his own now don't get me wrong I know that materialistic things are'nt eveything but you need to at least have something you can call your own or say I did this for myself and not always get it from friends or loved ones believe me that gets old and thanks for wishing the best in my pursuit of love.

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  Posted by Ace Wed Aug 6, 2008 6:40pm PDT

  im gonna be really honest, guys like this make it hard for guys like me who work our asses off to make ourselves a better person in order to get a woman. they dont bring a damn thing to the table and the women are blind to the real guys they're looking past in order to drive this knuckle head around in their car.

  the stereotypical one is the guy with the baggy clothes, very dark, about 18, and always has a black and mild handy. bluntly, young and dumb and these slightly older women let the guy take them for all they have and wont care...............until he gets them pregnant and he splits.

  i had this happen to me recently, this girl was all enamored with some young SEVENTEEN year old kid and shes 25 years old. not to mention her friend was just with this guy and he left when he got all the money and sex he could......yet she still slept with him and wondered why the same thing happened to her as her friend.

  and you know what she told me when our mutual friends tried to hook me up with her almost a year after she had this episode with this slouch?

  shes all interested, anytime our friend went out with her to the bars, she'd ask about me repeatedly. drunk, sober, buzzed, half asleep, whatever. so when i took the bait, she tells my friend "i dont want a boyfriend"

  but still calls my friend asking about me and when im going over there again so we can hang out. wont happen, sorry lady.

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