Love + Sex

Sunday, October 12, 2008

One-night stands make cliches of us all

In not exactly shocking news, a recent survey found that women have more regrets than men when it comes to one-night stands. And the even less shocking explanation behind these results? Despite all our good advice to the contrary, most women continue to go into one-night stands hoping they will lead to a relationship (and men continue to let them think this might be the case). According to the survey, 80 percent of men and only 54 percent of women feel good after a one-night stand. The men tended to report feelings of sexual satisfaction, well-being, and improved self-confidence, while the women were more likely to feel used, ashamed, or as if they had let themselves down. Jeez, what is this, the 1950s?!

People, if we could all be a little more honest with each other, there'd be a lot more cheer in the world of casual sex. And this goes for you, too, ladies: how many times have you lied to yourself or a guy and said you're not expecting the sex to lead to anything? Another positive outcome: there would be fewer cases of women going to jail after seeking revenge via cattle branding on dudes who don't call after a one-night stand. Which is why we've always been fans of what we call the prenook: this is the casual sex equivalent of a prenup that verbally outlines both parties' expectations of the encounter.

As we explain it in our book Rec Sex:

"There is no one-size-fits-all pronouncement that secures a prenook--after all, 'Let's have a one-night stand' or 'Is it okay if I never call you again?' will kill the mood for most people (though either of these lines might work if spoken with the right dose of humor). A prenook is kind of like porn: You know it when you see it. In certain sexed-up circumstances (say, spring break in Cancun, or a swingers' convention in Tampa), the prenook goes without saying. At times like these, the implicit promise is that you will get laid, and you will get laid tonight. Therefore, a spring break prenook operates in reverse: a) You must fess up before getting to the bedroom if you suffer from erectile dysfunction, and b) you must provide a heads-up if all you're in for is a kiss and a cuddle (though it goes without saying that anyone can change their minds as to how far they are willing to go at any point--we're talking to you, date rapers). The reverse prenook allows the recipient to look for their jollies elsewhere, should they so desire."

Oh, whatever. You're not even listening, are you? You're too busy sitting by your phone waiting for that playa to call you back. But in case you're still there, the same applies to booty calls: If you think your booty call partner is just hanging in there in the hope of converting you into a boyfriend or girlfriend, you've got to retire that booty call number immediately. You hear us, John Mayer? Despite what she might tell you in bed, Jennifer Aniston totally wants a boyfriend.

Check out Glamour's 101 ways to have the best sex of your life!

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Comments 1-10 of 24
  • arosmi2007's Avatar
    Posted by arosmi2007 Mon Jun 30, 2008 1:49pm PDT

    I like the prenook it puts all the cards on the table. Thanks for the advice.

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  • pinkgirl's Avatar
    Posted by pinkgirl Mon Jun 30, 2008 2:02pm PDT

    Its nice to have a houseboy while you continue to look for a potential boyfriend, no sense in not having any fun...then when you find one that is worthy you can relieve the houseboy from hs duties and send him onto someone else who needs him, there are plenty of men that love to fill these kind of positions..

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  • doriancaldwell007's Avatar
    Posted by doriancaldwell007 Mon Jun 30, 2008 3:59pm PDT

    with if the houseboy whant to be the boyfriend don't you think that the houseboy should know, he is not a boyfriend for just sexfriends.

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  • cheche's Avatar
    Posted by cheche Mon Jun 30, 2008 9:51pm PDT

    one night satand is good unless you cannot get pregnant after that.. but, choose the guy that you enjoy the night.. then, dont dare to communicate with him again and again coz remember "one nightstand not two or more nightstand"

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  • pirtskhal's Avatar
    Posted by pirtskhal Tue Jul 1, 2008 12:30am PDT

    one-night stand is just awesome and thats all !!! :)

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  • emrran_a's Avatar
    Posted by emrran_a Tue Jul 1, 2008 1:45am PDT

    if both have broadned the feeling about the one night stand can have it and need not take it in deep way... it is a biological need of human being,.,..,. no logic no love, needs it,,,..

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  • mia's Avatar
    Posted by mia Tue Jul 1, 2008 2:14am PDT

    i never had one night stand but if i will ever have one, i'll never expect anything from the guy. not a call, a mail or anything. that's why its called ONE NIGHT STAND.

    =)

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  • lele's Avatar
    Posted by lele Tue Jul 1, 2008 7:48am PDT

    Well I think sex on the first date is not a good thing, mainly if it is a date if its just a hook up type thing then thats different. But if you have taken the time to get dressed made-up and a setting a time for dinner and a movie or whatever then you shouldn't end the night with sex because it may be become more later on. We all know that as women having sex on the first date and come back and bit you in the butt before you know it. I have had a one night stand but I knew that I didn't want anymore then just that one night stand and that was that!

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  • urassismine2's Avatar
    Posted by urassismine2 Tue Jul 1, 2008 9:38am PDT

    Em, and Lo, You have brought forth the idea that it is the body of a stereotypical alliance amongst men, that we as a group, proglumate this type of neanderthal intent on purpose.To begin with, the one-night stand was discovered by a man and a woman, so please stop the blame game. I don't help these women on with thier dresses, or drive them to the hotel, or even get her half boozed up, before she decides to straddle the night away with darth whoever. I choose not to do the dangerously one night stand up bit, so please don't include all men in your empathetic outlook toward the innocence of women in the after hour debate. Men aren't always the one with the condom.

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  • Kat's Avatar
    Posted by Kat Tue Jul 1, 2008 10:05am PDT

    one night stands are awful! I know i have had them before and I have thought that, with each person i had a one night stand with, that I would someday have a relationship with them! NOPE. I learned that at 16, and i think its pretty weird that 28 year olds are just now learning this and feeling guilty afterwards. Getcha some, and get over it. thank you

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Comments 1-10 of 24

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