ONE ROTTEN APPLE

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  Posted by Tammy Fri May 22, 2009 7:02pm PDT

  Point taken...honestly I think women find themselves accepting certain behaviors from men because of their "something is better than nothing attitude". I'm currently in a relationship that is not at all that great but I have friends who are in worse situations. I think most women stay because of the children too, as in my case! I hnestly have no problem with being single, as a matter of fact, I find it to be less complex. I don't think that all men are bad but more than enough are! So the term "one apple...." really takes on a life of it's own. It does holds some truth to it!!!!!

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  Posted by Gigi Sat May 23, 2009 4:56am PDT

  I kept going back because I thought that maybe he would change and things would get better. I felt like it was my fault that he treated me so badly. When we broke up, I met someone else. That man treated me so well that I was very suspicious and thought it was all a ruse. Then my ex called me up and I decided to give it another shot (why idk). But this time, I realized that he truly treated me like sh*t. And that I deserved better than that. So now I am just with the new guy and it feels good just being with him lol. He compliments me and isn't always after sex. You're right that one apple spoils the rest but it also takes one good experience to change that attitude.

  Good post =)

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  Posted by Lena Sat May 23, 2009 7:58am PDT

  Wow, that is soooo true and strait to the point. Why take s--- if you dont want it!

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  Posted by Dracora007 Mon May 25, 2009 8:41am PDT

  People like getting hurt. They enjoy being treated poorly.

  It's a choice people go by regardless of what they say.

  Freakin morons IMO.

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  Posted by Kandi Gurll Tue May 26, 2009 11:48am PDT

  gigi... GURLL we in da same boat. except... im still waiting for the "good guy" to come around.

  my dude had me all caught up. he was the first guys i really ever did ANYTHING with. but we never went that far. STILL A VIRGIN. and i wanna be clear on this... he only got to second... lol.

  i never felt right going past that... with oral or ANYTHING else past that... i was scared that it would lead to sex in the heat of the moment. n i knew i would have regreted having wasted my virginity on his sorry ass.

  but TIME AFTER TIME, i took him back. oh yeah, i was the chic on da side. he had a girl the whole time... "IN LOVE WITH HER" even engaged at one time. but after every breakup, I WAS BACK IN THE PIC.

  i knew what i was getting into, but i feel that my severe lack of self confidence lead me to take him back EVERY TIME.

  he complimented me,(no one does that... esp. a guy) he held me, made me feel AMAZING... never REALLY pressured me for sex, and said he wanted me more than his gurll. "its just hard to leave her now... we been together so long candi... im sorry. its not easy for me" AH, I HATE MYSELF FOR THIS!!!

  THIS BOY DESTROYED ME FOR DAMN NEAR A YEAR... talk about new walls going up... s---...

  but real talk... i called it all off the other night. he came back to houston for summer break talken bout NOW HE LOVES ME... im da woman for him... WELL YA KNOW WHAT... TOO LATE!

  I SAID MY GOODBYES N LEFT. i feel great... its still hard... and i did fall for him... but i gotta take care of my heart n myself first. i did it for me.

  and to you knight... i am done getting hurt. :) i aint gonna do it no more!

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  Posted by zipsto Fri May 29, 2009 9:09am PDT

  I know that you are not my biggest fan, but I do see your point. But see our point too.

  I keep an open mind, (although it seems closed at times).....if someone can give a logical argument, I can see things in a different light. You don't understand that we have seen baskets full of rotten apples....what are the chances of finding a good one in that?

  I see that you have been raised with honor...please hold on to that, be an example for other males.

  What I a saying is that it sickens me to look at any media, look around you, most men(I'll say 99%) can't keep a marriage vow, or a promise...they are too easily manipulated into thinking it's OK by their honorable role models.....Bill Clinton, John Edwards, Mel Gibson, Clint Black, Garth Brooks, Ted Kennedy, Brad Pitt,.............Well, you get the point, I could give you 200 more names if you want..........

  I do know that some women cheat, but not near as many. They are usually at home taking care of children while their husbands are out spending money on other women.

  The only remorse these men have is that they get caught.

  Just see the side that we have to live through without calling us hypocrites.

  And remember that you are VERY rare, most men are not like you, and even if they have good intentions, they will still stray.

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  Posted by newageknight Fri May 29, 2009 9:01pm PDT

  "Just see the side that we have to live through without calling us hypocrites."

  I have seen your side. I've seen it for years. I saw it every time one of my friends' in high school had a boyfriend who hurt her. This is why I stopped arguing with you. I wrote this blog because I'm sick of seeing losers hurt women and turn them into mistrusting, sad versions of themselves. It pisses me off >:( I know I'm not the norm. My best girl friend reminds me of that on a regular basis. I also know that guys like me aren't as rare as it seems. If you've seen lots of barrels of rotten apples then you keep moving on. That's always my advice. There will ALWAYS be another guy. If enough women quit tolerating the behavior and allowing the guys who cheat to breed the gene will stop getting passed on. I'm not saying the guys don't have a responsibility here. In fact, that's probably going to be my next blog.

  I'll say this too. You aren't the only one who's seen entire barrels full of rotten apples. Every serious emotional trauma in my life save for two have been caused by girls. The difference here is that I've got one girl who's my friend and helps me keep my faith in the opposite sex. We aren't romantically involved but I know I can always count on her.

  As for not being a fan of you zipsto it's got nothing to do with that. My comments to you weren't personal. I just refuse to let anyone slide on double standards no matter who they are and no matter the standard. I find that online I have to make my comments sharper in order to get people to listen. I hold no grudges. I did that when I was a CHILD but it isn't conducive to the type of MAN I want to become so I stopped.

  I wish you the best and I hope that in the future, someone comes along to restore your faith.

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  Posted by zipsto Sat May 30, 2009 10:16pm PDT

  Just to sum it up.....

  If you are a good, truthful, honest person, people will take advantage of your good nature.

  Being nice leads us to believe there is good in all people, therefore giving them second chances.

  It has taken me a long time to learn to stop taking it.

  I may seem bitter and resentful at times, but from now on, I will protect myself.

  I'm not as nice and kind as I once was.....being nice and trusting will get you nowhere.

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  Posted by newageknight Sun May 31, 2009 10:08am PDT

  2 Things zipsto.

  1. Niceness doesn't necessarily equal foolishness. People can only take advantage of your good nature if you allow it. At that point it isn't being nice, it's being submissive. Some things deserve second chances, some things don't. One can, protect themselves, as you say, without lashing out and attacking. I've gotten better at reading people and anticipating their motives in recent years and am very careful with the people I choose to associate and even more careful with the women I'm interested in dating. I said I was nice. I never claimed to be naive.

  2. I'd just like to quote you on something here.

  "being nice and trusting will get you nowhere"

  Ever wonder why you seem to have so much trouble finding men who are willing to be the nice, dependable type you claim you want? This statement works both ways.

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  Posted by zipsto Mon Jun 1, 2009 8:26am PDT

  The reason finding those men are so difficult is the fact that they are rare. No other reason.

  One single action did not cause me to lose faith in humans, it was several things and several things I have seen over the years.....and I do mean YEARS.

  Yes, there are a few good men. And guess what else? There are women out there who are not capable of finding an available "good man", so they go after the ones who are taken...and believe me, they will stop at nothing. I am not defending one or the other, but I can tell you that marriage is difficult.

  Problems occur, temptations are hard to fight, even if you are a good person, even if you have no intentions of breaking those vows. It happens, and when it does, some marriages survive, some don't.

  There is a lot more to it than...."he cheated", "it's over"...if only it were that easy. When you build a life together, with children involved, and a million other things....it's not as easy as you think to walk to just walk away. The thing that hurts the most is when you are with someone that you know would never do that, and after 13 years it happens, you never seen it coming!

  I had been cheated on before....I know it can happen to anybody, I just never thought this person would do it.......The other woman.....she wanted the family I had, she manipulated my husband at the core of his vulnerabilities, (it's a long story)....she manipulated me into thinking the 12 step program they were in, that he was her sponsor and friend and they were helping each other with steps.

  The reason I gave him another chance is that I seen all the things that led up to what happened, I seen that he is very remorseful about what happened, he makes it up to me everyday for the last 4 years, he knows to never put himself in that sort of situation again, (he says he never thought he would do that). He now knows the signs, and when to walk away from someone.

  The reason I post is,... It still hurts at times.. after 4 years, there are still days where it bothers me, I write about my anger, and it helps more than you know. I have more days where I don't think about it. It gets better.

  And if you are waiting for a perfect woman to come along....you will be single the rest of your life...

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