OK, so not so long ago i wrote a blog about my TWO LOVES..
and so, after being not so much in contact with this OTHER man
anymore i thought my life with my delicious boyfriend would just go
back to normal.... However.. this is not entirely the case... ITS
JUST A FACT THAT MEN ARE ATTRACTED TO WOMEN ALREADY IN
RELATIONSHIPS!! Its not just me who experiences this nuisance, lots
of us women are dealing with this tempting train of men flocking at
our feet.. Yeah mostly they all are just after that ONE THING,
SEX.. and when they get it chances are that you wont see nothing
but a trail of dust after they bolt, however, there are the few
that make their way in that are actually DECENT, or more than
that... AND UNFORTUNATELY FOR ME, those are the ones i get stuck
with!!
For a while i liked to congratulate myself on a regular bases cos i
thought that i did so well fighting off these men and their
advances, but then after a while i thought, well, its normal, i
shouldnt be interested in anyone else if im in a PERFECT LOVING
RELATIONSHIP... However, i think its the way society has shaped our
minds into thinking that "TRUE LOVE" is flawless.... I
really think this notion is impossible, not just because im flawed,
but because as people we all are... there is no perfect love, but
there is unconditional love, which should be the love that still
holds strong even when we make mistakes, when we slip up, when we
do something that doesnt seem so LOVE-LY... Therefore i think that
within reason people should be, or can be allowed to be excused if
it so happens that they develop feelings outside of their
relationship.. at least once... even twice...No seriously, i
cant really put a number on it, but it just so happens that
these"mistakes" we make, outside of our relationships
should not always be classified as "mistakes" Maybe
instead, "learning curves" or something similar. In life
we need to make these mistakes to figure out whats right or wrong
for us as individuals..
This is a tough discusion i have with myself often... Should i only
have one love at a time, or even for a life time...not because i
want to make excuses for myself, but just because i want to
understand the reasons why, we do certain things, why we fall
at certain times, and what drives us to make these love decisions??
After all, my theory can be contested, but surely more light needs
to be brought forth upon the fact of being able to love outside of
your relationship without becoming undeserving of the love returned
within your relationship!!!
God its soooo Tricky!!! I wish i could get some other views from
people i dont know and who are not judging me by anything other
than the fact of the matter at hand!
ONLY ONE LOVE AT A TIME!!! IS THAT A TRUE STATEMENT??
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Comments 1-6 of 6
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Posted by Tue Oct 6, 2009 4:59am PDT
Report AbuseFirst of all you weren't in love. You are addicted to the high you get from intimacy. You like to share, be close, touchy feely type trust and lust. Lust will take you from one partner to the next, but love will always be there. There are different types of love and you have them confused. You can't love a friend like a husband unless he is. When friends pretend they are married and thier relationship is so deep it doesn't stand up to responsibillity. There will always be the facts and fictions of relationships. I take it the guys you like are very handsome and appear to be well put together til you sleep with them and after a while the things they promised are forgotten like the friendship. Beautiful people tend to have this soft spot for outer appearance more than what's going on inside. It's like dating empty shells and wondering why you ended up with nothing, but I could be wrong. Maybe your right and you just need to experience different things to grow as a person. I hope you figure it out soon.
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Posted by Tue Oct 6, 2009 6:58am PDT
Report AbuseIn today's Time... and to the unfolding of the real truth...do I know that one at a time is becoming less and less as the years are passing all of us by. Being faithful to one partner at a time is becoming harder and harder. Which the so-called ruling Beautiful DENY about.
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Posted by Tue Oct 6, 2009 8:32am PDT
Report AbuseI say whatever makes you happy so long as you are not hurting anyone else in the process. You don't have to be married or have a long term boyfriend. I agree with Michael about confusing lust and love. I'm sure you feel like you love some of these men, but you probably are not IN love with them because if you were, I don't think you would be so flippant about your relationships. Why do you have to love them anyway? It sounds to me like you are no where near interested in being in a one man long term relationship, so enjoy what you want.
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Posted by Tue Oct 6, 2009 3:29pm PDT
Report AbuseWell tops decision isnt it,there is no such a one love @ time in life!! LOVE means somebody love nobody....I will says this Lust was everybody felt, when they get involved with a new partner, and when that feeling was gone; you will get boared and move on 2 another man...Love is the feelings you cannot explains with and its hard to get ride off, that a True love...Hope u find Peace....
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Posted by Tue Oct 6, 2009 3:35pm PDT
Report AbuseI am in a somewhat related situation, and although very different, to the same point I am very confused so, I have shamefully turned to anonymous blogs. If anyone can help shed some light on the issues I am about to disclose, I would greatly appreciate it.
To start from the beginning: I met this guy when I went away to college about 7 years ago and fell head-over-heels in love with him. He was in a 6 year major and I was in a 4 year major, and we were totally in love. Then, I was graduating and applying to med school when things took a turn for the worse. Anyway, long story short it was a pretty bad break-up. I ended up getting into med school in the same city and we did not talk for almost 1 1/2 years. In my head, things were over; he was selfish, rude, demeaning, and just plain mean (we will call him the ex).
I met someone about a year after we ended it and this guy was great (we will call him the new guy). He took me out, treated me like gold, we did crazy spontaneous things, and always had a blast.... but then he went to jail for something trivial (not a violent crime and really not even a deal breaker, just bad luck). I tried to be there for him but it was really hard, being in med school and all.
While he was serving his time, the ex graduated, moved back home, and started calling me again. I was sad and lonely. I thought that maybe he had changed and grown-up a bit so I agreed to hang out a few times. Although things were a little better between us, it was still the same; I was constantly being left with the feeling that I loved him more than he would ever love me, nevertheless I definitely still love him. Back to the point, the new guy got out of jail and his life was a mess, I couldn't handle being a crutch to lean on so, I broke up with him. However, I still run into him because we have a lot of the same friends back home, and now he has s--- together and is back to being the same amazing person. We have started to hang out more and more frequently over the past year but I am still talking to the ex.
To sum it up, I have been crazy about the ex for 7 years and have fallen in love with the new guy over the past 2 years.... the real problem is that they are so different. I can connect with the ex on an intellectual and financial level, plus we have a huge history together. I connect with the new guy on a social level (that is, things I like to do besides school). However, I really think I love them both but in two completely different ways.
Should I just say eff em' both and find someone in the middle? I don't know, but carrying two long term relationships at the same time is not even an option. I am graduating soon and need to start thinking about the rest of my life. Please help.
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Posted by Thu Oct 8, 2009 1:54am PDT
Report AbuseWell, i would like to address first MICHAEL... Sure i completely get what you are saying and in fact in was stupid of me not to focus a little on lust and the differences. Don't get me wrong, this does not happen to me often, the fact that i actually am INTERESTED in another man. Its only happened once in my 2 year relationship. The way i differentiate between the two is that, i recall the feeling i had with my boyfriend the first time i met him, which for me was incredible... like love at first sight, but slowly in became even stronger and the more i stayed with him the more i loved him, and more intensely also. Usually in the past, when i have been in lust with someone, i get a feeling of just WANTING TO HAVE THIS PERSONS ATTENTION, wanting to have them kiss or touch me, it NEVER even really gets down to sex, cos as soon as i kiss this guy, its over for me, and the more i get to know him, charming or sweet as he may be, i just loose interesting knowing that the "feeling" is just not there!!
So, just as normal for everyone i guess, i meet this kind of guy quite often, the guy im lusting for, and really it poses as no problem and by now i know how to deal with the way this guy attracts me. I just ignore them. However, there was just one guy that got in, and lots of the feelings i have for my boyfriend, i have for him too, and i have not even had sex with this other guy. I kissed him, and instead of being turned off as i hoped it was the complete opposite. Its the first guy i kissed since being in my relationship, and it wasnt something that happened so easily, it was after knowing this guy almost 6months!!! So Lust is not the problem here.... You are right about the beautiful shell thing though, because when i was a bit younger i only went for typically beautiful men, but my current boyfriend would come in the average looking category, though of course to me he is beautiful!!!
As for Kayle, id like to get back to you.... iv got a whole lot to share on your situation... I will write back to you later after lunch!x
Comments 1-6 of 6
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