Love + Sex

Friday, November 20, 2009

"He Called Me Fat!"

Carrie gets pitched a dating foul ball.
- Carrie Seim, BettyConfidential.com

Dating Foul Ball …

He called me fat!

Last week I spent many, many, many hours watching baseball with a certain boy. Even though my comprehension of ESPN programming is on par with my comprehension of Telemundo programming, I loved every second.

This is always the way at the beginning of a relationship, isn’t it? Doing anything together seems romantic. “Hey Carrie, want to clean gutters and work on tax returns? Just the two of us?” Swoon!

To be fair, the gentleman in question has taken me to world-class dinners and black-tie events, so his invitation to come over for an evening of bottled beer and baseball in our sweatpants was a refreshing change of pace. Anyone who can polish off a night of opera with some Chicken McNuggets is aces in my book.

Read I’m a Skinny b---- -- and Proud of It

Everything was going swell. I curled up next to him on the couch. His team scored a run. He rubbed my feet. I poured him beer. He gamely endeavored to enlighten me on the ground rule triple as I stared into the middle distance.

That’s when – for some unearthly reason – he reached over and pinched a bit of fleshy skin on my side. He then spoke those three little words NO MAN SHOULD EVER UTTER: “What is this?”

Foul ball!!!

He looked over to me with a huge grin. It quickly faded to a “holy crap, I just screwed up big time” look of terror.

I ran to the bathroom, flinging the door behind me, sobbing in the sink. To add insult to injury – the man COULD NOT UNDERSTAND why I was upset. He futilely repeated the same sentence. “It was a joke… it was a joke…it was a – Carrie, please don’t slam the door on my hand – joke.”

Through a crack in the door, he pleaded with me, saying I was so thin I couldn’t possibly be offended. (For the record, I exercise every day and make an effort to eat healthy foods … except when chocolate is involved.)

I am thin. But you know what, buddy? Doesn’t matter! There are a handful of things you are never, ever, ever allowed to say to women. I don’t care what she weighs or how she looks – you do not get to say, hint, infer or think about criticizing her body. Especially, if you think it was “just a joke.”

IT IS NEVER A JOKE.

I’m not sure what made me more furious – that he’d said it, or that he couldn’t understand why I was so upset. Why can’t life come with instant replay and a cast of romantic commentators? I was dying to show him in slow mo detail just how far outside the emotional strike zone his pitch had landed. (Are you impressed with my sports metaphors? Well, thank you, I try.)

I know, I know. I’m a confident woman who shouldn’t need a man to validate her or her body. I may have even maturely proclaimed, during our argument, that “lots of men would love to have a night with this hot body; maybe I should go watch baseball with them.” I’ll admit, we were both throwing curves.

Rational me knew he probably was joking. Rational me guessed he was utterly clueless about collateral damage his remark would cause. Rational me wanted to forgive him and teach him.

Irrational me wanted to ban him from the game for life.

After many tears and many apologies, we resumed play. And I finally understood what he was trying to teach me about the ground rule triple: If a fielder throws his glove at a fair ball, the batter gets three bases.

I’m planning to enjoy my free three bases somewhere tropical …

Carrie Seim, Betty’s L.A. Correspondent, is a writer and comedian keeping it real in L.A., New York and @ www.carrieseim.com.



To read more love+sex from BettyConfidential | Dating Advice You Should Ignore & You Know You're On a Bad Date When ...
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From the Community…

Comments 1-10 of 200
  • Lanie's Avatar
    Posted by Lanie Mon Nov 9, 2009 6:33am PST

    Carrie is a freaking drama queen and I hope men learn to stay away from her until she can grow up and chill out!

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  • another hockey fan's Avatar
    Posted by another hockey fan Mon Nov 9, 2009 7:24am PST

    No woman ever likes to hear those words so I do understand, but I think she went overboard with her reaction as it's not unusual for a man to speak before he thinks. It looks like they worked it out though and that's what matters. After all, if he really felt she was fat and thought it was an issue for him, he wouldn't be with her.

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  • Mauna's Avatar
    Posted by Mauna Mon Nov 9, 2009 7:34am PST

    Males...this is there never going away problem: Not only being addicted to having the Headset I am King of the Castle concept...but all women, especially those who do have a true and kind heart in the aspect of pleasing their mate...will never be appreciated and HE will always either be unsatisfied or find something to complain about. I was extremely happy at a size 7 for a long time, and even at this size, my own Father had too called me Fat. (which he proclaims I am lying about!). And all men who have this kind of rotten demeanor from my own soul and perspectives and as being by choice a single female...do I say Out the door and never come back. Tons of males are very detremental to many females whether they accept that or not...back in the early periods, women were nothing more than either a maid, or a seed bearer for his children...they did not have much value or importance to any of them...which still, in some ways proves itself in Today's time periods from 'yesterday's Male Psychologies". And as having been single since 2006; my level of intolerance still remains with me and with good reasons too.

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  • Queen Trixie's Avatar
    Posted by Queen Trixie Mon Nov 9, 2009 10:18am PST

    He royally screwed the pooch with that comment, but running and hiding in the bathroom while crying in the sink?? A little overboard on the drama. You're sitting there watching baseball, drinking beer and he probably feels comfortable like he's with the guys. A guy would never react to a comment about a little bit of flesh like you did. He made a mistake, you over reacted, he apologized, let it go.

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  • JA's Avatar
    Posted by JA Mon Nov 9, 2009 10:48am PST

    he was just joking. he was playing with you and flirting. he wanted to get a giggle out of you. grow up and appreciated the fact that he is even willing to touch you!!!!

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  • amber's Avatar
    Posted by amber Mon Nov 9, 2009 10:48am PST

    i dont blame you for getting upset my fiance tells me im fat alot he says hes just teasing me and doesnt get the big deal im 115 lbs so im not fat i tell him not to call me fat because it hurts my self esteem and he says why you know your not fat if ou were fat i wouldnt make fun of you for being fat because thats mean to make fun of a fat person but i can say your fat because your skinny so its funny he thinks he being sarcastic but im not confident in the way i look so when he puts me downlike this always making fun of me it hurts my self confidence i just want him to stop it but he wont

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  • hobbit's Avatar
    Posted by hobbit Mon Nov 9, 2009 10:52am PST

    It's kinda weird that he just randomly did that, surely there was some joking going on. Normally it would be like this:

    Girl:'' Any more beer and that spare donut is going to become a spare tire"

    Guy:"oh yeah well what about this" (grabs flab)

    If it did come out of left field he shouldn't have said it, but you freaked WAY out. He apologized sincerely. It wasn't worth crying over. My bf has made comments like that, I just slug him in the shoulder. If I'm really PMS'y I might cry, but I don't run off and attempt to amputate his fingerswith the door.

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  • Rebekah's Avatar
    Posted by Rebekah Mon Nov 9, 2009 10:56am PST

    Yeah, way to over-react. This is why men think all women are over-sensitive basket cases. Guys, for the record, never make that joke, but still--he wouldn't have done it unless he was comfortable with her and thought she was comfortable, too. Especially if she's thin and fit. He may be going out of his way to make it up to her, but chances are he's no longer as comfortable with her as he used to be, and he's just waiting for her to explode again.

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  • TonyT's Avatar
    Posted by TonyT Mon Nov 9, 2009 11:01am PST

    "I'm a confident woman who shouldn't need a man to validate her or her body."

    Ha! That's a good one! Sorry, but your self-esteem is about as fragile as they come. If a girl reacted that way to any comment of mine, I'd run for the hills! Because, it's a sure sign that this will be a high-drama relationship.

    Also, I like to poke fun and joke on occasion. And, I prefer someone who can laugh at themselves and poke fun right back at me. Most guys do! So, please, grow some thicker skin girls! We only poke fun b/c we like to be playful and we love you.

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  • meandyou's Avatar
    Posted by meandyou Mon Nov 9, 2009 11:11am PST

    this falls under the same catagory of, "honey, do these jeans make my ass look fat?" no, your ass makes your ass look fat.LOL!!!!

    Report Abuse
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