Here's our reader's question:
I'm going on my very first date this week. (I'm 18, but I guess I'm a late bloomer.) I'm really nervous. He's coming to pick me up and then we're going bowling (which I'm horrible at, so I'm scared I'll look like total dork) and then we're going to get something to eat.
The reasons I'm nervous: a) It's my first date, b) I don't want to tell my parents because then they'll want to meet him and I don't want to scare him off, c) I don't know him that well (we met through mutual friends) and I don't know what to talk about, and d) what if he goes in for a kiss at the end of the night and I don't want to kiss him, or I do want to kiss him but I'm scared that I won't do it right and it will be bad. Help!
Here's my answer:
My sweet, thanks for your question! I know exactly how you feel because on my very first date, I went bowling, too, and was TERRIFIED of kissing. (I even practiced on my bedroom mirror!)
Here's my advice: First, make a list of all the cute things about yourself. This sounds cheesy, but when you're nervous, it can be helpful to remember all the reasons why people really like you. Write down at least 10 lovable things about yourself--including your cute choppy haircut, your goofy laugh, your knowledge of all the state capitals, whatever.
Second, remember that he's probably nervous, too! He really wants you to like him; you're not the only one with butterflies.
Third, I would tell your parents. You don't want to add any stress by hiding things from them, and if they want to meet the guy, let them -- you two can laugh about it afterward! "Getting grilled by the scary dad" is one of the classic parts of high-school dating. You wouldn't want to miss that, would you? :)
Fourth, for the sparkling conversation, you can talk about lots of things: Ask him about his day. Chat about the friends you have in common (everyone loves gossip!). Ask him if he has brothers and sisters. Ask him if he's going on any fun trips this fall. Ask him if he has seen any good movies lately. (For more, read this post about foolproof first-date conversation topics and five tips for a perfect first date.) And remember, he'll come up with lots of things, too! My mom always says, "You're only responsible for 50% of the conversation," which is a relief, don't you think?
Finally, at the end of the date, thank him for a lovely night, slow down and look into his eyes. If he kisses you, you can just kiss him back with soft lips. You don't have to use your tongue or do anything fancy (read: scary). A simple soft peck can be the sexiest thing in the world. (And read this post about getting a great first kiss.)
Overall, my doll, I'm sure you'll have a great time. You sound adorable -- he's a lucky guy! xoxo
P.S. How old were you when you had your first kiss? (I was old.)
Photo: Maple Syrup Only
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